Dear God,
It’s me again, the one you refuse to take. You have taken everything I ever had, and everyone I ever loved. People still talk of you like you actually do something. You do NOTHING!!! Never have, never will. You took my mum when I was 9, but left my worthless molester father alive. I needed her!!! I need my mum. She loved me, one of the only people in this world that ever did, and you said no…I’ll take that from you. You took my husband away. I know he swallowed those pills, but you could have see to it that I woke up sooner. I was 18 and you let Derek die in our bed, in my arms and then you took the baby from me too, the one I hadn’t told him about. The day her dad was buried, she died too. HOW IS THAT RIGHT?. I took that overdose for a reason, there is a reason I loaded my pockets with rocks and walked into the Ocean. I WANTED TO DIE. I didn’t want to be found, I didn’t want to live. I wanted to be with my mum, Derek and my baby. You effed that up too, so thanks for nothing. I have tried and tried so many times to end this, that now I am really scared that the day I look in the mirror and say “I’m glad I”m alive” you’ll do the douchebag thing and kill me. You are just that kind of jerk. I hate you,and I defy you to prove your existence. DO IT! Prove it right now, and you explain why I lived on the streets, why I had to have sex with strangers in order to survive, to eat out of dumpsters…explain to me why 13 of my friends committed suicide in 3 months, and not one of them was over the age of 21. I am tired of people telling me to have faith and believe. I just want to die and be done with this awful mistake of a life. Every minute of it was a mistake.
And by the way, thanks for letting me devote a year of my life to Jesse for nothing. Thanks for letting me suffer with his Schizophrenic BS only to have him choose someone else. Thanks for NOTHING! The next time he has a relapse, why not just kill him too. I’d rather see him dead than with someone else (yeah go ahead and call me selfish) You don’t give anyone anything, all you do is take take, take, take and take some more. For once in my life I’d like to see you give me something, instead of ruining EVERYTHING.
Sorry, you don’t get to choose when I leave. I’ve ordered the Helium tanks, and I’ve got plenty of bags. 3 big gulps and I’m done. I’ll give myself what you never had any intention of giving me.
Happiness. Self-deliverance is my gift to me, but hey…you gave us free will, so don’t you dare speak to me of sins committed. You’re the worst offender of all.
By morning I’ll be gone.
Halo, Edmonton, Canada Share:
