God,
I know that there are people out there who have bigger problems than myself, but I just don’t know how much more I can take.
I don’t feel valued. I feel lonely. And as I tear up, I notice how hurt I feel.
There is my best friend - she is gorgeous…model potential, she’s top of the grade, she’s friendly, nice, fun to be around, major hit with the guys.
Then there’s me. For about a year in year 8 (now in year 11), I was known as the girl who hangs around ——–. I never had a problem with it.
But now, I am just so sick and tired of it. I can honestly say that I work my butt off. I love my best friend and all, but seriously, she just sits back and gets it all! The teachers love her, the girls love her, the guys love her. It is just so frustrating to always come through second best, if that.
But, thats not only why I feel the way I feel. I, just, I feel like no one understands how I am feeling.
I have had mild acne for about 2 years but i’m on medication, and its practically gone now, but i do feel depressed, which is a side affect of this medication.
I haven’t told anyone. I constantly feel sad…and I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. And that’s why I can’t tell anybody.
I recently told this best friend that I felt like my life was falling apart…she asked me how…. I told her I couldn’t explain it, everything just felt really wrong….and she said nothing. Shouldn’t a best friend notice this? I am so bright and usually smiley-happy, and it’s like she doesn’t give a damn. Even a girl who i wouldn’t call a close friend asked me if I was okay….
I know my mum has noticed this, she hasn’t said she kows, but I know she knows….and she has been a great help, but I still feel this pain.
God, can you please just help me get over this! Give something to me…something which I want, desperately. It’s just so unfair how someone with everything already is still getting more.
Help me God, please.
Anonymous - Australia Share:
September 25th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
I have just come across this website and happened to read your message to god. My heart goes out to you! It seems like you’re having a tough time at the moment. If I understand you right things have been difficult for a while and they are getting worse. You told your best friend and that was a good start because you need to go and talk to someone. You say she said nothing. I am guessing that she did not know what to say to you. Just because she didn’t notice does not mean she does not care!
You say you constantly feel sad and that you don’t know why. Just because you can’t explain it does not mean that you can’t get help. You don’t have to deal with this on your own. There are times for most people where we need help. Please go and tell your mum! Just tell her that you are feeling really sad and that need someone to help you. To help put the feelings into words and then work on getting better. If you feel you can’t tell your mum, maybe there is another adult you feel close to, maybe a teacher or your family doctor.
Many people (lots of young people too) have times when they feel like this. You are not alone in this.
Go and tell an adult today!
Take care, I’ll be thinking about you and hope that you feel better soon.
September 25th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
i promise you,you’ll turn out gorgeous when you grow up.
September 26th, 2008 at 1:50 am
You have your own place in the universe. Pay less attention to the other persons “success” and simply focus on your own path - your own interests.
People aren’t born this way. They get into this pickle by allowing other people to define one’s perception. If you’ve taken years to create a depressing world view, the process of restoring your spirit may take some time. But, since it s now a conscious process, it will be faster.
As trite as this may appear, you also have everything you need to change your view from sad to happy. You don’t need a pill because the chemicals are already there; it’s a medical fact that the balance of body chemistry changes according to your expectations.
Watching people who make you laugh and reading funny anecdotes is a good start.
Every day: pay attention to the things that happen the way you like, find the simple pleasures that come to you as a surprise. Your daily prayer is not to ask for anything, just express gratitude for the important things in your life. List them in order of importance. You might even take a few moments to meditate by stopping your thinking.
Again, not someone else. You. The focus is on doing the little steps that bring your many dreams to fruition.
A change is coming. Here’s a big hug to get you started.
September 26th, 2008 at 9:06 am
I can’t say ‘I know how you feel’ but I’d like to think I have some idea. I had everything but constantly felt like there was a crushing weight on my head; a repressive gloom which I couldn’t escape from even though everything in my life was perfect on paper. I was diagnosed with depression and suffered by myself for years. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone, too proud to take medication and felt that people would think I was petty or weak if they knew. What if a potential employer found out - could this destroy my career aspirations before I’d even graduated? Won’t people think I’m pathetic not being able to handle life? Would my girlfriend freak out and think that I was ‘mentally unstable’?
Consequently I closed myself off to others, guarding what I believed to be a ghastly secret and pretending as best I could that everything was ok… but as you said, people can tell that things aren’t ok.
Eventually my girlfriend of several years broke up with me; she knew that I wasn’t being honest and could see that I was clearly unhappy. I guess she was tired of wanting to help but being unable to talk to me because I refused to accept support or admit to anyone (even her) that I suffered from depression.
Free-falling as my world fell apart, I did finally talk to some of my closest friends - only the ones I trusted - and said out loud for the first time “I’m suffering from depression, I have been for a long time, I’m starting to take medication”. And for me, that was a huge relief. All the stress I had felt trying to hide a secret fell away and I realised how much energy I was using pretending to be invincible. A year later and I’m off medication and have learned to manage my depression effectively.
It’s good that you’ve spoken to your friend but don’t blame her if she doesn’t know how to help. The fact that she doesn’t know how to deal with depression or know what to say simply indicates that she isn’t a mental health expert, not that she isn’t a good friend - try not to be disappointed in her.
Talk to other people who you trust. When you feel up to it, find a doctor that you can speak to (I know it was a tremendously scary step for me). And please, find proper support instead of turning to a flimsy dependency which is readily available.
It sounds fruity, but it’s worth knowing that you really are the best at what you are, and second to none at that - try to find out what that is, who you are. The world would not benefit by having another one of your best-friend - she has her own path to forge, but we are certainly of benefit by having you in this world.
September 26th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
A few months ago, i was exactly in your situation. I was depressed, but no one really seemed to notice - which didn’t help. When my parents finally confronted me about it, i said I was fine. I felt that I was pathetic, and that my problems were trivial, considering how lucky I really am in life. I didn’t feel like I had a real reason to feel so unhappy, and yet I couldn’t help being unhappy.
I tried to talk to my best friend - also popular with everyone, it seems - but she never really listened. I mean, she was there, hearing it all, but it didn’t take much effect on her, she didn’t utter any words of comfort. I felt so stranded - much like the picture you posted. I always tagged along, but never really belonged.
I’m still trying to sort things out, but I have a better attititude now and I’m not unhappy like I was before. I recommend detatching yourself from everything, and seeing yourself in a better light. Maybe with the help of your mum and some good friends, you could get through this all. Do something for yourself, or go somewhere to be an individual. Go somewhere where nobody knows your best friend, and therefore can only see you for the wonderful person you are.
It will be ok.
=)
September 27th, 2008 at 1:19 am
Did you feel this way before you were taking the medication? It sounds to me like it might be affecting you in a severely negative way, and you really should tell someone about it. Also, this is all growing up and coming into your own. You will find yourself when you realize how great you are. Nobody can tell you what you like, what makes you happy, and who to hang out with. Don’t think you are the only one. Many people feel this way growing up. Strive towards engaging in things that make you feel happy and things that “feel right”. Maybe even reaching out to others will divert your attention towards making someone else happy, which will bangerang back to you!
Peace and love
September 27th, 2008 at 11:40 am
i know how u feel…i have this friend she calls her self ugly and it really hurts coz shes getting random people coming up to her asking for her number! i dont want that but it seems like if i like some guy she ends up with him…and it hurts even more when she calls herself ugly and fat when shes not! when me and her are sitting down on the stairs at school the guy i like will work past her say hello to her and not me! i know that im ugly but i accept who i am and i wonder if anyone else does…
so i just wanted for u to see ur not alone on this on =]
September 28th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
I know how that feels
Everyone loved my best friend, I love her to bits, but everyone always told her how great she was and she got this massive ego and people kept ignoring me and I started isolating myself and I felt like crap. I didn’t feel like I was accepted as I was, I felt completely worthless.
My life was fine and everything so I guess that just made it more difficult to tell anyone.
I went to a church camp, I wasn’t expecting anything great but the whole time everyone was talking about freedom.
I prayed to God that he would love me, love me as I was. I told him I needed a crutch.
And he did :D.
It’s all good now.
I’m free.
October 1st, 2008 at 8:17 pm
It will get better - things always do
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:04 am
I know how you feel. I was like that at school too (I just finished), especially with a few ‘friends’ that I had who were more popular than me and I would always be the third wheel. Things got a lot better when I stopped being friends with them, It made me realize that they weren’t very good friends after all.
After that I had a boyfriend but was still pretty much a loner, and the only thing that helped was to just really not care at all what anybody thought. When I was alone I would just sit somewhere and read my awesome books and I was having a great time (much better than following stupid girls around and talking about mindless things).
If you say your friend is a really nice person, perhaps it’s her confidence that gets her all the attention. Maybe because she believes in herself and is happy, people can see that and it attracts them to her.
I know it’s really hard, but you need to stop focusing on how perfect she is and focus on your abilities. People might not notice how awesome you are but it doesn’t make it so, you should ignore them - all you can do is be a nice person and leave it up to them to make up their mind about you.
If people aren’t paying attention to you, the best thing to do is just go and do your own thing and not follow them around.
Also if you’re not doing this already you can talk to a counselor online on kidshelpline.com.au , I do it and it helps a bit.
I don’t know how good my advice is since I’m still not over my issues but I hope it helps somewhat.
Just remember that you’re not the only one who feels like this, you seem like a very intelligent person and I wish you luck
October 8th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Strange how every other species on this planet goes about it’s business just being itself…
Only us humans question ourselves, why we are here, why we’re not like someone else?
It’s true that we should just be. Be ourselves without comparison. Because it never works.
October 16th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
babe,
jealousy will get you nowhere, it will instead just fuel your depression and plunge you in deeper.
she’s not your bestie for nothing. I’m sure you both can weather this together. Agreed. not saying anything doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care. Be honest and open with one another. Being the good friend that she is to you, I’m quite sure she will understand your fears and worries.
Meanwhile, try to do things that make you happy. Indulge in shopping trips, some ‘me’ time to destress. Simple things in life are meant to be appreciated.
Hang in there babe.
Sending you all my love from over here. (:
October 18th, 2008 at 12:27 am
Well, you’re not alone… Tell someone, your friend, your mum or someone else. Try to talk to your friend again. Tell her that this is really bugging you and that you’re sad all the time. Don’t worry about your acne, if you are charismatic, the boy who will truly love you won’t care about acne… Don’t feel bad about yourself. How you think is how you feel. Start thinking positive and you’ll start to feel like that very soon. When you think about the way you look compared to all the universe and all the other problems in this world, it seems so small… Stop worrying about it. If your friend says nothing again, either she is stupid or she just doesn’t care. Anyway you shouldn’t care about her. You are not a freak, you have friends, embrace that. The fact that she has it all doesn’t mean she’ll always have that. You never know what can happen. Good luck, don’t worry be happy.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:45 am
You are on accutane huh? GET OFF IT!!!! It makes you depressed and you won’t understand why or even have the capacity to realize it is the medication. You can always stop for a few months, get happy again, and get back on it if your acne returns. I had the same thing happen at the same time.
October 28th, 2008 at 8:40 am
My best friend used to be in the same situation you’re in.
she would tell me how akward she felt when she would come up to me in the halls,
she said she didn’t feel like she was good enough to be my best friend,
that when we took pictures, mine would turn out much better than hers.
she mentioned a few times how she always gets the disgusting boyfriends,
just because she wants one, while i have the musician/ upperclassmen ones.
when i went over to her house, she would constantly apologize if her family had one small arguement.
she was embarassed by me seeing them.
but i didnt realize any of the hints she was dropping until i noticed myself also dropping hints.
i envied her.
the guys i hung out with, the ones she was jealous of, may have looked cute on the outside, and were older,
but their personalities were the darkest things i’ve ever seen,
when she told me how much better my pictures looked than hers, i didn’t say anything.
i saw her next to me, the one person i could trust with my life, smiling.
the smile i loved, it was so perfect, and she was glowing.
i could see HER when she smiled like that, not her physical self, but what was inside.
and my hair might’ve been in better lighting, my clothes a little cleaner,
but i could never get what i saw in her, when she saw everything in me.
when she said that she was sorry about her family getting in one little aguement,
i held back on telling her how my family is. i couldn’t even begin to explain it to her.
so maybe you see beauty and guys and grades about her,
but she could be holding back on what she’s telling you.
you have the faith, and i would rather have that than anything in he world.
trust that God wants more in someone than just what she has.
if you follow Him, you’ll always have more than her.
you’ll have the everlasting rich-life.
November 4th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Just so you know, it’s true that you aren’t alone. Even the guys (like me) go through the exact best friend issue. This morning i had reached my limit me depression i actually typed something in google hoping that God had posted something on the net to explain why i’m sad, to explain maybe why the guys who respect and value girls always end up alone. There’s this incredible girl at school that will not see me as more than a friend. It breaks my heart over and over. I’m sure you and i were made for better things than this. Just have hope
November 4th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
I will pray for you today.
May God bless you and heal you to see the plan He has for you.
November 8th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
The grass always seems greener on the other side.
In life, there will always be people who are better off or worst off than you. Some people might have been born with good looks according to OUR standards. Just remember though that preferences are subjective. WE may be the perfect “fit” according to others’ standards and not even know it. You never know when someone will fall in love with YOU. Make sure it is YOU he is falling in love with and not someone else you wish you were.
There is a season for everything and everyone is subject to the changes in season. You may be feeling this way today but it doesn’t mean you will continue to hold on to the same feeling forever. Is there any feeling (good or bad) that has lasted forever? NO! We have all experienced sadness/ happiness. If you’ve had both, then you’ve experienced the changes in seasons. Congrats, you’re perfectly human!
December 5th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Dear Friend,
As a Hindu I have been brought up beleiving in our Karmatic journeys and please do not think that I am for an instance inforcing this upon you…but what it does help someone like me to understand is that people in this life, live according to what they had done in their past lives. Your friend obviously did a lot right in her past life which is why it seems like everything always works out for her…but life is a journey and you do not know what tomorrow brings…all that we can do is strive to be our best…and most often after feeling the way you do now…your best years are yet to be enjoyed. Remember that when life seems tough all thats happening is you getting stronger to enable you to embark on an even greater journey.
Enjoy Life and embrace whatever comes your way with been respectful to yourself, Others and God !!
Kindest regards,
Karven Naidoo
December 6th, 2008 at 9:17 am
Ill just ask you to do something. Tell your friend that she is a wonderful person. She may already know it but having been told it from someone she really loves is something she can value. If she really is a good friend, she will have a long list of things she can tell you, that you are a wonderful person.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
i am constantly frustrated and downrighed depressed. i literally cant take listening to anyone tell me what god
is allegedly doing in their life. i am scratching my head in deep confusion and wondering hey hes not doing that in my life not even close. i cry at to how left out and i feel and poeple have the nerve to tell me well god has other plans for you. ok thats borderline lie if not one. ok only god knows what his plans are for anyone, a complete stranger is not going to know, apparently they never stop to ask why god would tell them, again complete strangers seem to know gods will for my life, hmm god didnt tell me and he told them? god didnt tell my family or friends or people who know me or care about me and ones i matter to, they dont know gods will but complets strangers do?
um no
they dont
i was told god has called me to be single?
and do what else instead?
i think if anything that is a lie from the devil
that makes sense
god said in genesis
cleary his motive for creating the female species
god said its not good for man to be alone
medical studies have been done on single vs married poeple
the studies too agree
actually it seems to me that being single is a form of cruel and unusual punishment
i am lonely
sad
hmm
poeple have made it out that god doesnt take even into consideration about my emotions
or my feelings
or how i feel about the situation
ok why the heck did god create marriage
why
i mean it
i am 33
not 13
i am lonely
feel left out
have all my life
and at the point of why am i still on earth
i am far fed up
about hearing about how god has brought wonderful people together
hmm really
i want in great detail how exactly that happened
so the couples did literally nothing and god did it all
if they did something
hmm
they cant give god all the credit
i believe religious poeple have lied to me my entire life
and hell
i am through
i want separation of god and religion
god didnt create religion
and religious people
are more hateful
then hitler
May 14th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
I Can’t relate to any of you. We are all given trials in our lives. I have had my share. When I was 5, I was molested by a family friend. By age 8 - I was forced to perform oral sex on a family member who decided to use me in sex trades with other people like him. By age 16 I felt the only way I could be accepted was through sex I spent college in a 3 year relationship that never left me feeling loved. I started cutting myself in college (after being raped). After many sex partners, I became pregnant and had an abortion….I honestly thought I would spare the child the humiliation of being raised by someone like me. Once home from college, I started living with a man and eventually became pregnant He was furious with me and started beating me. I chose to have this child because I desparately wanted to start over with my life. I married the guy and lived with physical and mental abuse for another 5 years. I became an alcoholic during this time because I wanted to escape my life…even if it was only for a little while. He started having an affair and took our family money to support her. I became very malnourished. I became pregnant again and he stopped talking to me altogether…unless it was to beat me. He brought home an STD and while blood and puss was dripping from him, forced me to have oral sex. I became infected and had to have several surgeries to alleviate symptoms. Eventually the disease turned into cancer and I had to have a complete hystorectomy, oophorectomy. I left him when the beating started on the children. I worked to support my children and tried to build a nice home for them…..but as fate would have it….A fire consumed everything we owned. Our family and church was very supportive and helped us get back on our feet. We rebuilt a great home, but I couldn’t afford to keep it so I sold it and moved back with my parents. We put our belongings in a storage unit. The unit became mice infested and again we lost everything. My dad was having a difficult time and our presence there ( well really just my presence) made him angry and he beat me up and kicked me out. I had no where to go, so I turned to the only relative I knew…..yes,,,, the one who used me as a child. After one night there and his constant battering me to have sex with him again…..I took to living in my car. After 2 weeks of this, my father and I made enough peace to allow me to move back in. Eventually my dad and I became close again…my mom is a rock and my inspiration. I remarried to a wonderful patient man who seems to love me unconditionally. He has to help me carry all this baggage at times, but he still sticks by my side. We started attending a great church with wonderful people. I became heavily involved in several ministries…until the day I started confessing my life and my sins. I was told to let my feelings go and to let the healing start. So I started letting go and the things started to flow from me. Some of my comments made a member of leadership very upset. I was promptly kicked out of church. I thought that church and God’s people were supposed to care. I thought that is where you went to find God and His mercy. As it turns out, I found the ultimate rejection….I have been too horrible of a person to find forgiveness in my life. I wish I could undo all of the wrong I have committed. I wish I could find peace. I wish God could look at me and see some hope in me…… If only I could have been a better person. If only I had made better choices for my life. Maybe then….God could find a way to forgive me.