Dear God,
I’m not even sure if I believe in you but I’m so scared and I have to talk to someone who will just listen and not try to tell me it will all be alright, which is why I can’t talk to my counselor. I’m starting a new school in three days time and I’m so, so terrified because I know that I won’t fit in and will be teased and tormented like I was in my last school and I can’t even try to pretend that it will all be better because I’m certain that it won’t be. I’ve decided that if-when-this doesn’t work out I’ll just end it, because I will never fit in anywhere, I’m too horrible and wierd and freakish and stupid. Just try and make it better, if you can.Amen.
Mary, London/UKShare:
September 3rd, 2008 at 12:58 am
Mary,
I went to high school with a lot of people. I still know exactly one person from then. So why should we care so much what they think. I know exactly what you mean, but having gone through it myself, why do we imagine the worst and give it so much power over us.
You are uniquely you. You can technically be identified as YOU, by your eyes, your fingerprint, your DNA. There is no one like you in the whole world. Whatever you think is quirky about you, is actually something special. Your personality, your interests, where you live all give you unique opportunities and insights that NO ONE else has or can do, like you can. You are a piece to this great big puzzle. Don’t go missing. Just spend some time looking for where you fit best.
Ask God and he will show you. He says he knitted you together in your Mother’s womb. He says he has a plan to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future. He says that he knows the number of hairs on your head! Not even my Mom know’s that!
Life is a journey and it does take time, but God says he will show you the way. Ask Him and He will deliver.
Love,
Jack
September 3rd, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Hi Mary,
I know how you feel.
I am an absolute nut-job. I’m overweight. I’m too tall for my age. I’m bossy or I’m completely shy. I’m hard to get along with. On top of that, I’m an only child, so I huff when I don’t get my own way. So I think I qualify for the freakshow parade.
I went to an all-girls high school for almost a year. It was the worst almost-a-year of my life. I’d come home crying every day. I hated everyone and everything. I would have daily fights with everyone in my school grade. I would have screaming matches in the playground during breaks. It was horrible. I was the complete outcast. Teasted, tormented and tortured. I could never do what my parents and school counsellor told me: “Just igore them”. I simply couldn’t do it. I physically couldn’t (and still can’t) make myself not get upset at the comments they’d make. So believe me, I know how you feel.
You know what I did on my first day at my new school?
I cried in the girls’ bathrooms for an hour.
But then, once I’d calmed down, I marched right back out and into my new class. I looked for the loneliest kid, male or female, sat down and said hi. We spent the rest of the hour-long lesson talking and getting to know each other.
I finished high school four years ago and I still talk to that lonely kid. She’s now my closest friend. We delight in the fact that we’re both outcasts. We get along better because of it.
So when you start at your new school, take a deep breath. Get your bearings. You’re the new kid - you have the edge, the mistique. You can say and be whatever you want. Hell, you could make up a story that you were expelled from your last school for making out with your famous rock-star boyfriend on the front lawn one too many times (I wouldn’t, though). Look for the kid everyone else ignores - who knows? They might become your best friend. There’s always one, don’t worry. And if you don’t get along, hey, at least you tried! Which makes you confident. Which makes you awesome. If you have the guts to go up to a complete stranger and say hi, you instantly gain a billion awesome-points.
If the people at this new school are going to judge you and tease you without even saying hi or learning your name, f*ck ‘em. They’re not worth it. You’re better than they are. You are more mature, more secure in your faith and a all-round great gal.
I know this all sounds so trite and easy but please believe me when I say I know how you feel and that you aren’t alone.
…And I’m sure God thinks you’re awesome, too (I had to work God in there somewhere, didn’t I?)
September 5th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Hello. Why let them win? That is what you would be doing by “ending it”. I was also a outcast but for different reasons than yours. I actually got pregnant at the age of 15,I dont recommend doing that,but I went to a very snobbish highschool in a great part of town and things like that just didnt happen. Even though I was a good student I was made fun of,laughed at and I cant forget the names,I still dont know what some of them mean!!!! I was transferred to another school for troubled teens and I was not troubled I was pregnant. So I lost all or any of my “friends” and shocked a whole community but oh well. I lived and have become a pretty ok person and a mom. So please listen to me and everyone else that is responding to your shout for help hang in there and put your head up. I love you and so do so many other people,some you see and some you will just feel are right there with you.
September 5th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
We are who we are….not one of us is perfect, nor were we made to be. And define normal? You can’t define normal, nor can we define “weird” or “different” cause no one person is made alike, so we are all “different” and we are all “weird” in one way or another.
We will go through hard times and we will go through easy times. But you can’t have one without the other. Life is a battle, but it is also an adventure. School is merely a small part of the adventure of life, and once you’re out of there hardly any of it matters! You just have to get through it and then you are free to be completly your own person, as school shells us to a certain extent, stopping us from being who we really truly are.
I have being out of school a fair few years now, and my best of friends are the ones I have met since I’ve left school, I talk to hardly anyone from school. Yes we had a friendship, but alot of them appear to have only being the friendships that get you by your school years and then the day after you finish school, everyone walks their own seperate ways and you mostly don’t see those people again, and if you do it’s normally just a smile from afar like you are strangers just being polite.
I realise the teasing and taunting doesn’t make it easy for you to think things will get better, but Mary dear things will infact improve, it just takes time, so to say “i’ll just end it” is simply not the way to go about it, instead imagine a bigger picture, beyond school…think of the things you can do and achieve. Do not even consider the people that are making your life hell like, look beyond that, picture faces of people that you will meet in the future and enjoy amazing times with.
You are only young, and for you to say “I’ll just end it.” is a thought you need to rid from your head. Picture a bigger picture. Focus on the good things…even if they are the tinyest of tiny things, focus on them and build from there. Make an extra effort to make friends at your new school(I have being the “new girl” a few times for various reasons,and I know it’s scary)but as others have said, find the quiet one sitting alone and befriend them as they may be feeling the same as you are and just go from there.
No one is normal. No one is perfect. Be happy in the skin you’re in. You are you. And a huge future lies ahead.
September 5th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
i am sorry you feel this way about yourself. i am sure you are a beautiful person with a lot to offer to this world.
the people who really change the world are the ones who are the freaks.
so i will be watching and waiting to see how you change the world.
tommy
September 12th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
hey beautiful! Just remember that WIERD FREAKISH NERDDY people are the ones that really rule the world! common! cute girls will get fat and ugly any way, hahaha, kidding. Seriously, being a bit of a freak is a great asset, I know you are still in high school and might think that all I say is bullshit. Turth is you’ll grow up to be one of the most intresting people of your class, believe me. All freaks become artists, rockstars, poets, scientists, computer proggramers and actually rule the world. Wait a bit and you’ll see who gets the money and the guys. Being popular is a stupid concept, we are all beautiful and we are all connected. Keep it up and god bless you!
September 13th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Hi, Mary:
We’re all freaks and none of us really fit in. We just pretend we do and hope that no one notices. And even though we long to belong…to a group, a church, a clique, ect. We already do fit in… we all fit in to the group that is scared, uncomfortable, and ockward.
And if the truth be known there are more of us than the other. Just a side note: you can make believe your way to reality, because what you most think about you become. So start thinking defferent and things will seem defferent.
tony
September 15th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Hi Mary,
Highschool is only a few years of your life, and life isn’t at all like highschool. Once you leave school you can meet so many different people, and go so many different places, and you’ll see that everyone is different and scared about trying to be liked and fit in.
So just ride it out. Concentrate on your studies. There are going to be lonely kids at your new school that you could try being friends with.
September 21st, 2008 at 2:41 pm
I don’t know you, but I love you. Please don’t give up. xoxoxo
September 23rd, 2008 at 6:32 am
I echo Elana from NJ’s sentiments. You are loved. I was freaky in high school too. Get your freak on, be who you are. Praying for you because you are unique and beautiful
c
September 24th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
heyy im rhiannon
im 14 and i know just how u feel i was teased horribly at my old school and had to move schools
i was terrified of what they’d think
i spent my first day on the seats alone and didnt fit in for a long time
eventually ive found friends who love me lots but i still worry about what people think
but u have to keep it in because u need to act confident and wear a smile and obviously ur not a loser because u had the courage and confidence to write this.
all the bullies out their r insecure and they feel as though they dont fit in either thats why they bully to keep themselves confident and to lower urs so only think of the compliments people have given u and not the rude remarks or negetive ones.
u seem like a beautiful girl and i hope all goes well. Don’t turn ur back on the world because u r NOT alone and there ARE others who feel the same way!!
Soo remember
The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.
You are special and unique.
rhiannon xoxo
ill be praying for u!!!
September 25th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Hello Mary -
Please believe me when I say that I know how you feel. First of all let me say that I’m of asian decent. When I attended high school, I was the only asian there. I was always picked on and beatened because of who I was; certain teachers were outright rude towards me because of my ethnicity. But I’ve always believed that God had a purpose for me and that all of the things I was going through was a test. A test to put myself above all the stupidy and ingorance that I encountered. With God’s guidance I finished school and attended college and made many friends. Yes, you will encounter many who are ignorant of what they do or say; but they are few compare to the many out there who have gone through or presently dealing with what you are going through. Believe in yourself and in God. I am now 40 years old now and have a wonderful family who loves me. In addition, I’ve made many friends through college and in my work place that has made me a better person.
So remember this, you are a unique individual who has much to give. Don’t let those who hurt you get the better of you. They have what my parents use to say “No class!”
I pray for you that God will always protect you and guide you. May you always be who you are and never change for anyone.
Will always keep you in my heart, prayers, and mind.
God Bless
Mike
September 26th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Oh, Mary,
Your posting just breaks my heart. I’m many years older than you are, but I remember what it was to be your age and be so very, very sure that whatever was happening was going to be true forever. It won’t be, but you probably don’t know that yet.
Mary, nothing that happens to you today, tomorrow, next week, next month or next year is going to last forever. If this school doesn’t work out exactly the way you want, that’s okay. See what you can find that seems good, and hang onto it. If something bad happens, see if you think it has anything to teach you. If so, try to learn the lesson - if not, let it pass. If nothing else, your experiences now are teaching you how to be strong, how to learn, and how to look forward beyond today to a better future tomorrow.
One of the hardest things about being your age is that you don’t have a lot of control about your day-to-day life. One of the loveliest things about getting older is that you get to make all kinds of decisions for yourself that you can’t make now. The day will come when you can decide where to live, what to do, who to have as a friend, and how you’re going to live. You’re clearly a very intelligent girl - when the time comes, you’re going to have a wonderful life! Just be patient - great things are coming.
Much love,
Lauren
September 30th, 2008 at 3:39 am
hey, i know how that feels, to be uncomfortable in school. but stay cool, and believe in yourself. God made you wonderfully, lovingly, and He also places us in schools and communities for His plans. chin up and trust that everything will work out great, He’s got your back.
xo
October 11th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Mary,
Sweetheart, I know how you feel. I’m 16 years old, and I attended a private christian school from 5th grade to 8th. There were only 40 people in the ENTIRE school. (grades 1-12) I started high school not knowing anyone. Everyone had their own group of friends, and I only had myself. I was teased, and made fun of by people that didn’t even know me! You’re going to be okay sweetie, I promise. Things may seem tough, but trust me as you make friends (an believe me you will) it will get easier. Don’t EVER give up. So what your “freaky?” That makes you unique, and if people don’t know how to accept it, then well, sucks for them, because they just lost a friend that could have made them a better person. Everything will be fine.
I love you xoxoxox.
Samantha
October 15th, 2008 at 12:29 am
I am adult and I am male. But I understand being the odd person. I am still the odd person. Sometimes it is hard, but I have everything that I need. As long as there is one human out there who will give you a smile and be nice, the world is worth living in. If nobody is nice where you are now, then probably you should just find a new place to live and go there when you can. In the mean time, you might want to look into meditating, yoga, or just go to the doctor and get anxiety pills. There is nothing wrong with getting help. Just stay away from illegal drugs because that would cause you to hang out with people worse off than you and get you in trouble.
October 18th, 2008 at 12:13 am
Hello there. I know how you feel, believe me. I beg you to stop with those negative thoughts. You’re letting your fear beat you. You have to fight it. Be who you are and accept it, there’s no need to feel bad about yourself. I always had a feeling that I won’t fit anywhere. I am still in high school and I still don’t think I’ve fit in perfectly. I am a little weird, too… But, when I think about it, you have to find happiness in your life. I bet you can list a dozen of things you have and other people don’t, something you’re good at and others are not. Just think hard and you’ll get the answer. Even if the answer looks stupid, accept it because it is something that makes you YOU. It makes you unique. And we cannot all be popular and cool and accepted. The fact that you don’t fit in doesn’t mean you’re ugly, stupid or anything like that. Just be who you are, don’t pretend to be like the others if that’s not how you feel and if it doesn’t make you feel comfortable, because their goals in life will never be the same as yours, remember that. Even if you don’t always seem to be able to socialize with others, it is OK. There are other things you can enjoy.
It all seems so easy, but in order to succeed you have to start thinking differently right now. Read some book, that always helps me. And stop thinking you’re a freak, because how you think determines how you feel, it is all in your head and you have to deal with it, there’s no other way… It is not going to be easy, I know. Stop thinking about other people. If you try to live your life in a way that others can like you, you’re never going to be happy, cause you can never be loved by everyone. You need to love yourself and once you start living in peace with your own head it will all work out. This won’t get better over night, but you need to be persistent. Good luck and don’t worry be happy. Oh and if this doesn’t work out, maybe you should see a therapist, he will help you with the depression… :))))))
October 28th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Mary,
There is nothing wrong with not fitting in, the only problem is that you let it bug you which shows, and these people that hurt you can sense that from far away. These types of peopel thrive on fear. The key is to accept that you are who you are. If you keep believing what they say about you, things won’t change. However, you have the power to change that by accepting that you are not one of them, you don’t want to be one of them and you don’t care about them. Think about this, do you think your tormentors are good people? I doubt it, would you like to be like them? I doubt it… although you may have todl yourself that that’s the right bay to be, it’s not. There is no riht way, but being cruel is definitely not a good way to be regardles of what social group we are talking about. Look, I’m not sure how old you are, but things really will get better the second you REALIZE this and work on your self confidence.
I highly recommend reading some basic Sociology, it will give you a VERY different perspective of what’s going on, and how irrelevant these people are… even if they are hurting you for the moment. Everything is relative, I feel your pain though. I’m quite an oddball myself, always was, always will be, and there is nothing wrong with that. Learn to embrace your differences, don’t be as boring and gray as they are just because they want you to comform to their little box of a world.
Lot’s of Power to you!
Ps. you will always fit in somewhere… you just have to be yourself and you’ll see where YOU fit best.
November 13th, 2008 at 5:26 am
Mary:
I know I felt like that way when I was younger. I am in my 50’s now and I look back and realize what I should have done more of. We’re all on this earth for a reason, but don’t try to figure out why, just live your life. I remember being happiest when I could be a listener to someone who was having trouble. If you start being a listener and mentor to someone else, you will feel so much better and richer for it. I used to be the one that every told their troubles to. My teachers would ask me to take students into the hallway, sit and talk to them. How easy is that? I didn’t realize until much later that I actually helped someone at school to keep from ending their life just because I talked to her. She had broken up with her boyfriend, had a mean stepdad, was not popular at school, sort of geeky at the time, but I used to talked to her because I thought she was interesting. I was always curious about other kids home lives and how things were at home. Shocking to find out how many people have insecurity feelings or feelings of not fitting in. So, what I’m trying to say is that if you make it a point to talk to more kids your age, you will realize that you are normal. It’s just that kids your age are putting up a front. They try to act tough. Try being a friend to someone who seems unhappy. It will, in turn, make you happier. Keep yourself busy by reading, keeping up on current events so that you are interested and interesting. Remember to pray to God when you are feeling down. Remember, it is up to you to make yourself happy. Look around you and think how great it is to be able to laugh at a sitcom, eat an apple, wear lipstick, go shopping, read a good book, talk on the phone, eat ice cream, go jogging, change your hairdo, etc. You know, just dumb stuff that can lift your spirits. As you get older, it gets even better. I have 3 grandkids now and a wonderful husband. Remember, being depressed and sad can make you sick. Have I helped? Smile at yourself in the mirror. Help someone out today. Take care and God Bless You.