Dear God,
I have a clear lack of faith in regards to this whole Christianity thing..
As if you haven’t noticed from your lofty regions above with the power to see and know everything, life here sucks!
It seems to me if you have this omniscient power why is it necessary for me to ask from you anything? Shouldn’t you know?
As you are I’m sure well aware, I come from people who have extreme faith in the teachings of Christianity. I was marinated, as I’m sure you know in a rich medley of the gospel. I was taught what the Christian idea of right and wrong was and given examples of what it meant to be a “woman of God”
At the age of five I was led to you by my Sunday School teacher Mrs. Blackney. Lovely lady, I’m sure she is still in your services somewhere in your celestial realms of Heaven. I remember thinking to myself at that tender age of five while my parents stood over my shoulder with the “light of God” shining from them that this was something I had a pretty difficult time buying. The whole Jesus born from a virgin…half human half God…him dying and then returning to his body three day’s later. Even at such a young age I looked into my parents’ faces and then into Mrs. Blackneys’ and thought I can’t believe these people actually BELIEVE this…
Strangely God, even at the age of five and lacking the reason that my parents were supposed to have, I seemed to have a certain amount of rational, reasonable doubt in relation to this whole little fairy tale they were expecting me to buy into. Tell me freakin Alice has fallen down a hole and is running into speaking rabbits…tell me that there is a place called “Never Land” with pirates and fairies and boy’s who never grow up and fly around, they are fun and imaginative and catch the fancy of any child under the age of 12. My parents made certain that I was not under any delusion that these stories were an actuality. They were only “make believe”, “fairy tales”
So why God, why can’t I believe in some far off place full of fun and whimsy, why can’t I believe that a boy of wood becomes real from the touch of a fairy? Why should it be any easier for me to believe a boy conceived by God in the womb of a woman who had never known a man intimately is born, that three kings knew and came to worship this would be savior, and then suddenly in the blink of an eye 32 years later, this boy grown up is healing sick, removing blindness, turning water into wine, the loaves and the fishes…walking on water…dying on a cross, and then on the third glorious day is resurrected?
Excuse me God if there seems to be a smidgen of resentment regarding this little biblical tale, but after it was shoved down my throat for over half of my life or better, it’s kinda left a sour taste in my mouth. It seems that if I buy into this little story and believe that your son died to save me, I’ll get to go to heaven and avoid the fires of hell. I can lie, cheat, steal, even kill…I can be unforgiving, backstabbing, intolerant, and arrogant. I can hate, and feel bitterness, and as long as I believe that your son did what all those holy rollers say he did I’m in…oh an along the way while I’m waiting to get in, I get to judge my fellow man based off of these biblical standards that they say you have set. If I’m good and loving, if I abhor intolerance, if I reach out to any of my fellow man regardless of there life styles, and beliefs and love them, if I strive to live a life free of judgment, and allow my neighbor to live with the freedom I have been given, if I value life and, and the sanctity of honesty and if I choose to donate my time to charity instead of my finances, and I don’t believe that Jesus died for me…if I don’t accept this story…I get to go to hell. I guess God, it’s easier for me to believe in Peter Pan…in other words if a hypocritical, judgmental, “child of God” is able to sneak in under the radar with a long list of deadly sins attached (cus no man is perfect) then in truth I’d rather not.
A. Girlsomewhere, Colorado/USA
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April 27th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Sounds more like you doubt the methods of man that teach you God’s ways. Not God directly. I refuse to let the words, actions and agendas of man interfere with God’s voice. Only when I focus on my heart can I truly hear God speaking.
April 28th, 2008 at 7:36 am
You were born with the ability to accept responsibility for your life and your actions. Don’t worry about being a doubter; it seems like you understand yourself, and rejecting what you can’t fool yourself into believing is admirable.
April 28th, 2008 at 11:49 am
i think this is a very well written entry. its like you spoke for me as well. guess you’re not alone then.
April 30th, 2008 at 6:03 am
dear A. I congratulate you for not allowing your natural reason to be destroyed by fairy tales. It is all too infrequent when the claws of religion are engaged at such an early age. It is also natural to feel angry that you have been lied to from the day you were born by the people you trusted most in the world. Don’t feel guilty for this, you have every reason to be angry, just don’t forget that they themselves were likely abused in the same way you were, but simply did not have the strength to emerge whole. So be gentle with them, but be firm in what you DON’T believe in. The path less traveled is often the hardest, but what you gain in wisdom at the end is well worth the trip. Keep on trekking, and all the best.
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Dear A…
I think your story is shared by many, and it makes me a bit depressed knowing that there are so many churches and christians giving that kind of view of the biblical story.
Because I am someone who has doubted, but has come to understand, primarily through reading the bible for myself, that the biblical story is about God redeeming a world full of selfishness, pride and corruption. His agenda is to bring about justice, not to give people a magical pass into heaven so they can keep on living in the same kind of selfishness we all tend towards.
Following Christ is about turning away from evil and all our own self determined agendas and following a man who is re-writing history; hoping in a day when Christ will return to ‘fix things up’, rather than thinking we have the answers on our own…
It’s about trusting in Christ rather than ourselves or anything else that calls for our allegiance or trust.
I don’t condemn your experience or opinions, but I do know that there is a better way to understand the story of the bible. A way that is deeply satisfying to your reason and experience of this world.
Hope that helps…
matt, Australia
May 3rd, 2008 at 7:24 pm
At 5 you knew what a virgin was?Thats as hard to believe, as your personal, pre- conceived understanding of your God.
Again, to you also, that god is not the Christians God.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I totally agree with the girl somewhere from colorado.
I grew up and gave my heart and life to God. I whole-heartedly believed that someday, God will show me what my life has meant to be.
But growing up, i realized that going to church every sunday and learning the whole bible in the thanksgiving-esque style of the indians and the euros, i was fed up with the lies that the church, my parents, and what the creators of the bible had done to me. now that i looks back, i felt like a blind sheep, meandering across a barren field of fantasies. I have been across the world and back and have learned of many different cultures and how each culture deals with religion,spirits, gods and etc.
I asked my Mother why she believed in God. she replied, “because it helps me sleep better at night.” I do not know why she said this, but is religion not a means to sleep better at night? you tell me.
We can turn away from evil and become better people by living a fruitful life without the help of a fairy tale. it’s about trusting ourselves and the thousands if not hundreds of thousands people who help us along in our journey through life.
May 17th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
dear a girl somewhere.
i think it’s great you posted hear even though you dont belive
I DONT BELIVE EITHER. i wouldnt belive on the belivingest day of the year with an automatic beliving machine.
but i think you dont even have to slightly like god to post hear becasue face it people who are we really writing to? sure some wrtie to god hopeing he hears them and thats fine. but we all know that a agurenteed answer will come from another persone most likely a comeplte stranger who just wants to reach out and help.
and that i dont belive is god t\acting through others that i belive is people just doing what evolotuion has made us do. it made us care it made us feel the need to reach out and help others because thats what the brain dose somewhere in our mind theres a little switch that dosnt like to see others hurt and feels the need to sound wise and philsophical.
ps: i luv fairytales
cassiee (that chick from AUS)
September 3rd, 2008 at 10:34 am
It seems you haven’t read the Bible