Dear God,
It’s me again, the one you refuse to take. You have taken everything I ever had, and everyone I ever loved. People still talk of you like you actually do something. You do NOTHING!!! Never have, never will. You took my mum when I was 9, but left my worthless molester father alive. I needed her!!! I need my mum. She loved me, one of the only people in this world that ever did, and you said no…I’ll take that from you. You took my husband away. I know he swallowed those pills, but you could have see to it that I woke up sooner. I was 18 and you let Derek die in our bed, in my arms and then you took the baby from me too, the one I hadn’t told him about. The day her dad was buried, she died too. HOW IS THAT RIGHT?. I took that overdose for a reason, there is a reason I loaded my pockets with rocks and walked into the Ocean. I WANTED TO DIE. I didn’t want to be found, I didn’t want to live. I wanted to be with my mum, Derek and my baby. You effed that up too, so thanks for nothing. I have tried and tried so many times to end this, that now I am really scared that the day I look in the mirror and say “I’m glad I”m alive” you’ll do the douchebag thing and kill me. You are just that kind of jerk. I hate you,and I defy you to prove your existence. DO IT! Prove it right now, and you explain why I lived on the streets, why I had to have sex with strangers in order to survive, to eat out of dumpsters…explain to me why 13 of my friends committed suicide in 3 months, and not one of them was over the age of 21. I am tired of people telling me to have faith and believe. I just want to die and be done with this awful mistake of a life. Every minute of it was a mistake.
And by the way, thanks for letting me devote a year of my life to Jesse for nothing. Thanks for letting me suffer with his Schizophrenic BS only to have him choose someone else. Thanks for NOTHING! The next time he has a relapse, why not just kill him too. I’d rather see him dead than with someone else (yeah go ahead and call me selfish) You don’t give anyone anything, all you do is take take, take, take and take some more. For once in my life I’d like to see you give me something, instead of ruining EVERYTHING.
Sorry, you don’t get to choose when I leave. I’ve ordered the Helium tanks, and I’ve got plenty of bags. 3 big gulps and I’m done. I’ll give myself what you never had any intention of giving me.
Happiness. Self-deliverance is my gift to me, but hey…you gave us free will, so don’t you dare speak to me of sins committed. You’re the worst offender of all.
By morning I’ll be gone.
Halo, Edmonton, Canada Share:
April 17th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Hey, we have never met, but your blog was posted as a related link to a blog i wrote a couple days ago. I just read this, and I wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you. Oh gosh, whatever it means to you, it really does. I can only imagine the torment that fills life for you right now. I wanted you to know, that even though you don’t know me, your story meant a lot. I hope this didn’t sound like jibberish, but truly, I hope you know that there are people here that still care.
April 17th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Assalamualaikum
God does so much for us
killing urself is lyk one of the weakest things u can do
Dod is the one keeping the sky from falling down to earth
u’ve got 2 eyes right??both hands yh???feet to walk with
??
thank Allah s.w.t for his blessings
if u can afford this internet to write this etc..u must have quiet a bit, at least u got a computer
think of those who live in war0ridden countries yh bombss fallin everyday then think bout ur own life
u can get any job u lyk so stop complaining
The final revelation has happened with the quran so if u aint got enough sense to read it then its ur own fault
in islam we believe: after hardship always comes ease
so if u hav a tough life ur gonna get a better one in thenext life inshallah or in this life later on
next life as in u die and afterlife is eternal
its heaven or hell
u neeed to pray to god be a good muslim#
if u kill urself then ur gonna regret it in the next life
cuz what happens in hell i think…
whatever way u killed urself ur gonna kill urself again and again and again 70,000 times i think ur gonna come back alive everyday then kill urself trust me i think u’ll wish u’d neva hav done it
and that u’d believed in God#
April 17th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
I’ve read all that you said and I will say each life has a choice. I understand you are mad at God because you think He did this. But think for one second of your mother and how much she loved you~God loves you more than your mother. He did not intend for you to go through all the things you went through. Their are two spiritual forces in this life: Good and evil~God and the devil. Sometimes things happen in life that only God knows the answers to. But one thing I do know about God is that He does not despise a honest heart. You have gone to Him honestly and ask Him to reveal the truth and open your eyes see it. God is where you pour your heart out and He never turns on you. You have my sympathy about all your lost loved ones. But I want you to realize this :if everybody that has problems decides to commit suicide~where would the testimonies be? Where would the people be who could say “This problem will pass, things will get better”? You are the voice of your loved ones that passed. If they could, they would tell you not to commit suicide~because it is a selfish act, it only causes hurt. Look at how hurt that you are because you lost your friends that way. Imagine how those who love you will feel when you do the same thing? Step outside the pain. And see how you will be hurting those who love you and most importantly yourself. God DOES love you and wants your life to be prosperous and full of blessings. The devil comes to kill. steal and destroy. Think how your mother is looking at you from Heaven and rooting for you to survive this life. She wants your life to be a testimony of: how through all the pain, you made it. The pain didn’t change you~it made you stronger and it brought you closer to God. Your life has a purpose~you are not here by accident. If you don’t believe anything else~know Jesus loves you regardless. The father that molested you, God sees and He will bring justice to your broken heart. I ask God this day to show Hisself to you, guide you for the rest of your life and be your comfort when you are tormented on everyside. Put your focus on God’s existance because He does exist and don’t let go of God until He shows you who He is. Once you see the One true God through Jesus who loves you, it will change your life. And commit your life to him~pain,broken heart and all. He loves you just the way you are! And ask him to be your Lord and Saviour. I ask God to deliver you from a negative mind state and show you that there are blessings in your life. I ask Him to bless you with Christian friends and remove those who bring any harm into your life. I hope what I had to say made a difference and I pray you are still alive. God bless you.
April 18th, 2009 at 5:02 am
Imagine you are dreaming, and all that is happening to you is a nightmare, a very bad nightmare, a never ending one. But make yourself aware of the fact that dreams don’t last forever. The body that we possess is of no use, its our soul which is important, and the body without the soul is nothing. We live in a virtual world, where we believe that this dream is the reality, and we get hurt for no reason at all. To achieve moksha(salvation) practise non-attachment. We wil wake up from this nightmare, and enter the real world soon. Till then play the role that you have been assigned in this dream!
April 18th, 2009 at 5:26 am
Please consider this. I understand that you are angry and hurt, and I would say that you have every reason to feel that way. And you are right, it’s a good idea not to expect God to solve your problems for you. But you can overcome your suffering by relying on yourself.
Self-deliverance can’t be achieved by ending this life. That’s like responding to a hungry child’s cries by ignoring it.
There is another way. It takes time and patience and hard work, but it’s worth it. It consists in finding out who you really are. You are not the person. You are not your body. You are not even your mind or the many thoughts in you head. So who are you? Who’s looking through your eyes? Who’s aware of those thoughts?
Perhaps you need someone to help you when you start this investigation — choose a teacher wisely. But that’s what is needed: clear up the confusion and find out who you are. Then you will not need to die.
Does this taste like the truth to you? Like a first glimpse? I hope it does, and I wish you all the best.
April 18th, 2009 at 7:16 am
I hope that this story is false, that it’s all made up. If it’s true and you’ve suffered through all of these things, I’m so sorry for you. But I do care, I hope you didn’t take your life. Even if it’s been sad and painful until now, that doesn’t mean it can’t get better. There is happiness to be had, there are smiles to be shared. You can have those things too, you just need to open your heart and be willing to feel the joy when you do see it, even if it’s a little thing like a child laughing, or a sunny day. I am thinking of you.
April 18th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
I beg of you not to do it. I want you to live. I don’t know who you are, but I want to see you make it through this. I’ll be praying to God to give you a sign He is real. If you want to talk, e-mail me at faithofamustardseed@rocketmail.com.
Lord, whatever it takes, do this for her. Show her You are real. I know You are, Lord, let her know this too.
April 18th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Please don’t kill yourself, I’m sure it will get better as long as you keep your head high and never stop trying harder. You’re right about one thing though - God isn’t there. He never was and never will be, no ‘guardian angel’ to look over your shoulder to protect you. You gotta do it on your own. But don’t end it. You didn’t make the choice to come to this world and you certainly don’t make the choice to leave it.
April 19th, 2009 at 5:59 am
I have never seen Jesus.So i can’t say anything about him I lost half of my family when terrorists killed them. It just 5 years before someone given poison to my father . But u know i never want to kill myself. I m not afraid of death but actually i want to live to help someone whose life is worse than mine. What u will get if u will kill ur self ? I think nothing. There r people who r having more difficulties than u even that they r living .And u know they r not living because they have someone caring for them but actually they want to live just for themselves . If u don’t have anyone for whom u want to live , just live for ur self. Just look around dear and try to see those eyes who r looking for u. I can’t say whether ur life will be happy from now but i will wish what ever come in ur life u will face it strongly. Go and Live ur Live . At last what i say every time ” Be a light unto yourself “ … its time for u to be a light unto yourself… its time for u to decide …and for YOU ALONE to decide what u will make out of this situation…whether u will go down in self pity and let that scar blotch ur life forever and never strive towards making ur life sublime …or u will take ur time … collect the ashes of ur dream and work … slowly, painfully… to rise again like a phoenix… its all for u to decide beta…that’s the glory of being human…that u can decide … and act…that’s the single and only thing that differentiates us from all the rest of species on this planet earth…”
April 19th, 2009 at 9:45 am
God is always here beside us…and He is our Creator and one true Father and Friend.
It is not your fault that certain people in your life are the way the are…they have
a free choice that God gives them. See…God loves us, he created us, and he
truly cares for us..but He also allows free choice.
I grew up a Christian, yet slid away from him in my teen years..and let me tell you..
I was miserable, and everything in my world was falling apart around me..like a chain
reaction..and like what you spoke of..and when someone is that low in their life..and has
allowed God to slip away…then evil is even more present and able to swoop in and create
devastation…even death…but if you place your faith in Jesus..which truly was, and IS the
Son of God…then you will slowly start to feel his presence within your life..and you will feel
His neverending love for you.
Even as a Christian, I am going to still have heartaches and pain…and for those who
do not understand God nor have truly read or understood the Bible…they don’t understand
this concept. God doesn’t cause the pain…only the evil one is trying to break you down again,
and is saying “come with me…i’ll make it so much easier..that God keeps killing your loved ones..
or messing up your love relationships”…while all along..it’s really the evil one doing it. He is a
deceiver and always tries to appear to be a being of light…Remember, he was at first himself
a Holy angel of God…only having love from his Creator wasn’t enough for him..he was greedy
and selfish..and evil…and he always was since then, still is..and will always be trying to destroy
human life. He despises God and always reaches out to people like you, who don’t see the truth
about Jesus..and tries to persuade them that he’s the one you want.
Be aware of your hurt, your depression…know that Jesus is waiting right here for you..
He’s waiting for you to call out to Him and save you. He is LOVE…but you have to ask
Him yourself…noone else can do this for you. You must want to be happy again and live
a full life to help others and to feel love yourself. He sacrificed EVERYTHING for you…
I only ask that you think this through…if you’ve not already done something to yourself..
and realize how dramatically your life could change for the better. I know my life has since
I’ve turned back to Him…and He has even worked miracles in my life..so beautiful and
astounding that it is breathtaking.
My thoughts are with you…I pray you are still alive…and will consider
what I’ve written to you.
~Angel~
April 19th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Halo, i am god please try to understand… i do not feel sorry for you…for you see as a Human/GOD on earth, every single time one of me dies and have died for eons upon eons who do you think feels exactly as they do at their time of death. and im talking about all of the many different ways in which we’ve created to die…ALL OF THEM…SPERM AND EGGS INCLUDED then their is the the rest of us, bitching and moaning about me,us Because we are left behind so to speak, in deep, i miss you, never gonna see you again pain!! you see love its not suppose to easy. wheres the fun in that…have you ever played golf. the pros make it appear easy. you should play…and theres the clue…we are all just playing…whatever game you call it ,golf, tennis, life, death, and when we want some drama in the game we know exactly how to create it, don’t we Halo…now remember i am you…REMEMBER NOW…I FEEL EVERYTHING YOU FEEL… EVERYTHING…THE DIFFERANCE…I DONT HOLD ON TO THE STUFF THAT I DONT LIKE OR DOES NOT FEEL GOOD. ALTHOUGHT I FEEL IT, THE BAD PAINFUL APPEARING STUFF, I JUST DONT HOLD ON TO IT. HAVE YOU EVER GRABBED A VERY HOT POT. AND `DID YOU LET IT GO AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. OR DID YOU HOLD ONTO IT AND THEN STARTED COMPLAINING TO ME ABOUT HOW HOT IT WAS. LET THAT PAIN of your past GO just as you would that hot pot. Halo BE YOUR NAME TO THOSE OF US THAT JUST WOULD LIKE TO FEEL THE LOVE THAT created us and now HOLDS US TOGETHER. GO VISIT A CHILDRENS HOSPITAL ONCE IN WHILE. REACH OUT TO US WE WILL REACH BACK…THANKS FOR WRITING…LOVE ALWAYS and IN ALWAYS GOD/JOHN
April 19th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
I am so sorry for all your suffering, but you are not alone.
I am God, creator of universe and I don’t want you to die.
Do you believe now? You need to live!
April 19th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Halo God is with you right now. and he’s speaking to you all the time. He understands and feels exactly what you are going through. In fact he’s telling me to tell you to keep sharing your feelings with as many light bearing souls possible. He say’s you’ll know them by the way you feel when you talk with them. You can find a great many of them at childrens hospitals. You see being human is not easy. And that is why you as a race are admired universeally. Remember keep sharing your feelings. And above all allow yourself to recieve love from others as feel comfortable doing so…I love you more than the you as a human could ever know God…P.S. Your Family and Friends would rather you not take your own life simple because you helping so many others in ways you can’t imagine. Your name is Halo for a good reason. Keep Sharing your feelings… Keep sharing your feelings… keep sharing your feelings…
April 20th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Halo,
I committed suicide once about 2500 years ago in a past life. Now, I am going through the same thing that drove me to suicide back then in somewhere around Rome. I was only 17 when I killed myself. I drank poison after my girlfriend left me and I went insane and ended it. Now I’ve been put through the test again and have made it so far to age 51… 34 years after she broke up with me again in 1975, when I was only 17. It broke my heart SO much … I still love her and don’t know what to do. I am a failure, I think, but I’m going to try to go on because of the things that I have been made aware of. Karma is so very complicated to understand … so very very complicated. We all need help SO badly. Just look at the condition of the world today. I think I need to still my mind through meditation and allow the light, the beautiful light of God shine through to me. I need to pray and control and be aware of my thoughts as much as possible. I don’t want to reincarnate back into this world of darkness, pain, loneliness and all manners of wickedness anymore. I pray for love, and love for you and an end to all war and terrible suffering and sickness. Suicide may just bring us back into the same situation again, to be confronted
again. Karma is so very complicated to understand. I pray to God and to Jesus Christ to save us. God bless you.
Joe K. San Diego, CA
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:39 am
I don´t now you but i send to you all the good things of my heart.
Some times the darkness in our lives is very heavy but if you really open your eyes you can see who really are you and understand why the universe do the things that happens to us.
Good luck!
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:54 am
The minute you begin to write to God, you beleave in him. So don´t say that you don´t because you do. The only thing i´m gonna tell you is this: get over your feet and do something. Do not blame anyone else for the choices that only you can and have to make in your life. Yes shit happens al the time, all over the world, but there is a reason you are still here alive!!. Haven´t you thougth of that instead of feeling sorry for yourself? why don´t you start thinking in you, in your present, in this moment, and all you can do with it, instead of thinking about the past, about the things that you have lost, Only you have the power to choose your path and make it true. You came here alone, and you will also leave alone, do not let your hapiness depend in anyone else but you. This life is about YOU learning, and finding peace and hapiness. All the power is yours, trust yourself.
April 23rd, 2009 at 4:50 am
I have been thru some of the things you have and others I would not wish on any one. Things will get better. The only thing I want to say is do not blame god for your pain. You can’t blame an imaginary friend for adults. Please raise your head up high. You have been thru things no one will ever go thru. You have more strength than you know. You just need to find it. Good luck . I hope you do not kill yourself. There is so much life to live. Pain hurts but it does not last forever.
April 23rd, 2009 at 7:28 am
I know this feeling. I lived with it a long time. My life wasn’t this bad but it still sucked enough to make me want to cash out. No matter how I tried, though, it didn’t work. I finally got tired of society imprisoning me with their concerns and drugs and chattering at me about all the positivity and BS that they used to cope. I finally accepted that I was stuck here and that it was going to suck. I determined that on my own, however much it sucked, I was going to drag every ounce of joy I could find. I wasn’t going to do it by screwing myself up with heroin, etc., but neither was I going to let risk of death or injury or moralism get in the way of my joy. I determined to seek joy in the small things, the big things, and everything in between. I grabbed at things as minor as the sparkle of light on concrete, the rainbow colors of oil in puddles, sun through a sparrow’s wings, and the moment of joy giving love to a deserving person. Life continued to suck. I continued to fail and fail again. I continued to have dark nights when I couldn’t quit crying. But I did have those moments of joy wrested from the dark grip of sorrow. I fought depression with every tool I could find. I fought low self esteem as hard. I learned diet, nutrition, hygiene, therapeutic tricks, self comfort, stress management.
I never did get killed doing thrilling things. I never did manage to kill myself. not for lack of trying, mind you. I never ruined my life either, although my life wasn’t exactly blessed with the fortunes those around me took for granted. But today at age 45 I’m finally enjoying a life of prosperity that, to me, is greater than the wealth of kings. In contrast to the average Canadian I’m doing about normal, maybe a bit under. Not that luxurious, really in my small home and cheap clothes, but to me it’s amazing. Life finally changed. About the point where I finally learned to stop caring about what I’d lost or never gotten, and accepted that even were I cast into the depths of civil war and disease I’d still have my little joys to delight in, well that’s when things came into my life. I was able to embrace them without getting bent out of shape over how long they’d last, because I knew I’d cope if they didn’t. They probably won’t. But for now, it’s sweet and that’s enough.
So when you’re done screaming at God (whole other topic really) and the world, and your fate, and the life you live, and lay there panting and broken on the floor, look up and find one pretty thing to appreciate. Even in a dungeon something will be pretty if you drop the context and just see it on it’s own. Hold that one vision close and nurture that ability to see till it becomes natural. That is your ladder out of hell.
April 23rd, 2009 at 10:50 am
It’s always darkest just before the dawn.
You might be going through alot of pain, but please understand that this doesn’t mean God isn’t real. He is real. I’ve been through alot of pain myself, and only found the beginning of peace when I asked God to help me through it.
By no means am I saying that you should go to God simply for your needs, but He desires a relationship with you that would fill the void in your life in so many other areas.
I used to want to die before I went to God, and now I definitely want to live! I want a full life, and am on my way to having it - not by anything I’ve done, but by the grace of God who is continuing to work in me and make me whole again.
The problems begin when we rely on people to fulfill us. People are created beings who are able to betray and hurt us, even subconsciously at times. God is not a created being, He always has been and always will be. And He is not capable of hurting us. In fact, the bible tells us that He will never give us more than we can handle. Which means you can handle this. You can get through this.
If this hasn’t made sense, then why don’t I put it another way: Be thankful for what you DO have. There are so many children who are homeless and abused, and who are 10 years old and sold as child brides, never to see their families again. It’s one thing to lose a loved one to death, but how do you think those llittle girls feel who are SOLD by their families? Sold so that the rest of them can eat or whatever. I can only imagine how rejected and heart broken these girls must feel.
You have every opportunity to make your life count for something. Why don’t you take these past hurts and use them to help someone else who is going through something similar to what you went through? You think there isn’t anyone who understands or is going through what you went through? I thiink you’d be surprised at how many people in fact are going through your very situation.
There’s so much opportunity for you. Take them with both hands and run.
April 23rd, 2009 at 11:16 am
I’d lol if ‘God’ made an ambulance come and save her to stop her from committing suicide ahah. Boy would she be pissed.
April 26th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
i know what you’ve been through is hard beyond everything i could ever have known. i know no-one can take the pain away, but please know that there are people out there that really do care. to still be standing with will after all you have been delivered you must be an incredibly strong and brave person. no matter what you’re religious beliefs i hope you are still alive and will have a turn for all the better. as wrong as this may sound at this point, there cannot be joy without misery and i truley hope you manage tofind joy out of all that you have been through.
April 27th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Hi Halo, I remember when you first got that Halo in New Orleans, it was beautiful all lit up and sparkly. I realize that I made a serious mistake when I created this universe, I just jumped right into it without knowing what I was even doing! I think so at least, I really can’t even remember most of the details right now, although you’d probably say different I know. The fact is that I really want you to live just to feel like I did something. I promise you that sooner or later I’m going to have to do something about this whole “zombie” conundrum that keeps popping up in my life, but I assure you it’s not pointless. I miss Eve too, and don’t know why I left. All I can think of is to turn that shit up the radio and be a rocker. Hell, even start a fire or something, go to the North Pole, hitchhike across the world to swim in the ponds of Macchu Picchu. I’m sorry I even invented death. It seemed like a good idea at the time, I’m sure.
Love,
-Dave/God
May 1st, 2009 at 9:41 am
I figure your gone by now, I wish I could have met you, and told you not to kill yourself over a fantisy. there is no god. Bad stuff just happens. I myself take comfort from the fact that bad stuff happens be cause that is the way the world works, not because some all-powerful being has got it in for me. but if you get there and on the off chance there is a god. Punch the bitch in the tit for me.
May 1st, 2009 at 9:21 pm
I googled “God show me how to leave my life in your hands” out of desperation… and i found you, I’m 40 years old and kinda rough, but what you wrote left tears in my eyes. I’ve thown my fists up at the sky in a rage, believing God was up there delighting in my every failure, but in my heart i know that’s a lie. I see true joy and peace in the lives of those who love Him. I’m not sure how to love or trust Him exactly at this moment, but I can’t believe a being powerul enough to create life and the unlimited vastness of the universe i see before me did it without a plan. I’m done believing that he’s a tyrant….i’ve believed it for so long, i’m deperate now and I’m going to find this love that Christ has for me. I’m ending my life now, not suicide, I’m offering it to Him…. all of it….I’m thinking this God I set out to find this morning may actually be there. I hope you’re still around to read this, and I hope you realize, I’m no one special, just some old guy sipping a coffee and “googling in search of God.” But Know this, I’ve never met you or even heard of you but my eyes are wet with tears and my heart filled with hope for you….How much more could be waiting in His arms?? I’ve heard God is love….I think I’ve been believing alot of lies for along time…..i think i held on to for some reason…I hope you find the peace they say He offers, the peace I’m looking for now…..
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Hey, it looks like we have a few things in common, and I would like to be friends with you. Sometimes I think the same as you, my father molested me for my whole childhood, my mother was pretty absent with her schizophrenia and she attempted suicide when I was 11, but she didnt die, unlike yours I can only imagine how horrible of a feeling it would have been in your situation, when I was 11 my mother went to a mental hospital and I was left to look after my 9 month old baby sister with my paedofile father, but your experience must have been worse, because your mother never came back. When I was 15 I left home and later on I found surviving to be difficult, after going through a childhood feeling like you have no-one and are worthless, I sold my body to many discusting old men and the memories torment me every day. I try so hard to be “normal” and have a happy life and am still working on that. You have to rise up and be strong and break the vicious cycle. I found out my mother went crazy partially because she was raped as a child by a member of a church. And I found out my aunty on my fathers side commited suicide because her father sexually abused her. Its all a discusting and vicious cycle, why do men think they have the right to treat innocent children like a sexual object making them feel like scum of the earth. Is that fucking right? They should go to fucking hell. I used to despise myself and even the conception of myself, I used to think I was doomed. Some people should not reproduce. But you have to think we are all here for a special reason, we may not know it now, or know it ever. I attempted suicide when I was 17 but it didnt work, I was taken to hospital crying and crying, not because I was hurt, but because I was still alive, but you have to think, there was a reason, I was born, theres a reason I didnt die and theres a reason Im here today. If I was there I would give you the biggest hug. Sometimes thats all I feel like I need, to be hugged and loved and be told that everything will be ok. I am thankful for the help I have recieved from people, like a few normalish friends, some guy gave me $40000 and told me I was too good for being a prostitute. And I am thankful for my great uncle and aunty just being there to talk to on occaision. I wonder when I will accept myself, and everything will be “normal” and happy, I want to try to make a positive influence in this world, but sometimes I wonder, does the world deserve that from me after how I was treated? Hopefully someday I’ll find the answers… I just pray for love and happiness.. please god.. show me thattt!!!!!
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Life is more than just a physical reality, we are all infinite beings that have souls and we are all here for a reason, so dont give up, make the most of life, you can create your own life with a little bit of positive thinking. I believe we all have souls and are here to learn lessons, I believe in Karma, if you do not overcome your problems, it will only have to overcome again next time.
May 3rd, 2009 at 2:09 am
I pray that you can hold on. The world as we know it, is going into a melt down. All this talk of recession, flus, murders.. It’s all to try and control everything, to control us. Telling us how to think, what to do, how to dress. This will all change soon enough and the world will thrive once more. Things will be different, better. People will be happier.. Talking of god like he’s a hero gets to me a little.. To me, god is an alien, come to mess with the human race. He does exist in some form, but not the form that everyone believes and worships - looks up to. You shouldn’t take your life for any reason, it might have a reprecaution that it a lot worse than continuing to live.
Lay low for a little while, don’t try to get into any situation that will cause too much agony if anything were to happen. Make a friend, a new friend that doesn’t know you so you can hang out with someone without getting any sympathy from your situation, sometimes sympathy from people isn’t the best thing that will help you deal with what has happened to you. I find that if someone knew you when it happened will try and avoid that subject, or try and make you confront it. You let out what anger you need to by doing something constructive. Get a hobby that will help you express yourself. Any means of expression will help. You could take up katate that helps you with a lot of things, it helps you to control yourself, helps you to learn how to calm youself down in a stressful situation. It might not be a type of thing that you’re interested in, but that was just an example of the many things you could do.
I hope that anything that I’ve said has helped in any way. ~ <3
May 4th, 2009 at 12:29 am
now am i the only one who is thinking that he or she or whoever wrote that hate letter to God will not be able to read all your comments ?
he or she will be gone by morning right ?
for anyone who read this, if you die, you don’t have to post it on the internet.
and stop saying you hate God.
he can hate you too, but He didn’t, because His love is too much for you, till he gave up His own son.
and is the person who wrote this letter dead already ?
whoa, that’s the stupidest thing that you decide to do, killing yourself.
bye peeps.
May 4th, 2009 at 3:32 am
i hope you didnt do wht you intend to do. i hope you’re still alive. i hope your anger motivates you to defy what’s expected - to give up and take away your life. i hope you’ll achieve greatness and live to share your stories and help others. i hope to read your book in the future and celebrate all the lives you saved, including yours. i hope good things will happen to you. i really hope this reply isnt too late.
May 4th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
i’m sorry, i hope you don’t kill yourself
everyone thinks about killing themselves i know i have
but even if its the only one good thing i’ve ever been taught it’s that tomorrow is always going to be a better day
and to everyone else who replyed, you shouldn’t judge this girl or anyone else
this website was created to help people not put them down further!
May 5th, 2009 at 5:47 am
why would you want to die for? u want to just get over this life? u want new life?
instead of dead, i’d advise you to sleep. sleep like you are dead, like you will never see your future again.
then the next day you know, youre a new born soul.
reset everything.
feel everything that you have, not what you have or what you have lost.
this is you. this is your life. and promise yourself youre gonna make it good, so much better than you could ever imagine.
no matter what come by, trust yourself that you will pass everything with courage, with an open heart.
it is not that something is missing, but you might have missed a lot of things.
notice on how many stranger have filled this page with worries. we care about you!
there’s still love out there honey… believe in that.
find youre path! eventhough if you have to pass through bitter days, if you believe in your heart, one day it will come to find you.
i will pray you for a better life. life’s about experiences, everything you have been through will be paid of. i wish you all the happiness dear.
May 8th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
God is the ultimate authority.
- He has control over the hearts of kings and presidents.
- For this reason God can work in any situation or circumstance.
- Put your hand in His hand today.
PRAYER: Lord, You are the God who looks at our hearts. We place our hearts and lives in Your hands today, knowing that You can move in wonderful and mighty ways. Amen.
Lov DAISY
May 10th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Halo is just venting and sharing her thoughts on how she feels about God. And obviously she’s not very fond of Him.
Not once did I see in her letter her asking for advise nor asking for help from us.
I just wish we’d all stop giving her advise/qoutes, and stop trying to comfort her by comparing what we’ve gone through in our own lives with what she is going through. Because none of us trully knows how she feels. What we’ve gone through is not remotely the same with her’s. So please stop saying , “I know how you feel…..” We all know that it doesn’t make us feel any better whenever others say that same old cliche’ to us.
FREE WILL…. let her exercise that and let her do what she wants.
And lastly, please stop referring yourself as God/Whatever… Because you are not.
May 12th, 2009 at 1:28 am
Halo, r u still there? i hope u r stil alive.. i do sail in the same boat.. i doubt y God ever created me if I have to live my life in pain. i ended up here when i searched to end my life and i read all you good/caring/luvin people’s comments.. it made tears run down my face. i dunno what to tell u but im trying to live each day and i wish Halo too.. i cry to God saying “God its killing me every day” and everynight when i go to bed, i wish i shouldnt see the next day but unfortunate to wake up the next day.. i am unable to say my pain i have in my heart to everyone but i am also travelling as like Halo, lost everyone i had, and i just cant live anymore.. wanted to go back to my mom… y God forsook me? i was very spiritual, but God has forsaken me and the pain is killing me badly. i couldnt write anymore, tears rolling down my eyes heavily.. hope halo, u r still safe. i dunno how i am still living although.. help me someone! mummy where are you? i know she is dead and i cant get her back anyways…
May 12th, 2009 at 1:38 am
a, I agree with you.
Stop giving her advice, stop preaching to her, and stop referring to yourselves as “god”.
Let her do what she wants, she’s been through a VERY tough life. It’s normal she should feel this way.
Personally, I know what it feels like to want to end your life, and to try and try and not get anywhere.
I am very sorry for what she has gone through, and all I can do is hope somehow that she finds the strength to get through it.
Just know that you are not alone. We all bleed the same.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:10 am
hey dear pal! Try to relax… whatever happens, happenes for the good. You can see what God can. Imagine if all your loved ones were alive & lived a miserable life…
you have a life, you can make the most out of it. Live it. Do something that would give your loved ones happiness, something that would make them proud of you…
Live it & Love it!
Tanu
May 13th, 2009 at 5:47 am
Halo–that’s a bit of a rough spot you’re in (and yeah, I’m putting it mildly. I can’t be brutal–not with someone who’s gone through what you have).
I’m not religious in the least, so I’m not going to tell you to have faith. But I am going to tell you this–and I want you to take it to heart:
You tried time and time again to end your own suffering–from pills to trying to drown–and none of it worked. I doubt that means that you’re incompetant at killing yourself. I think it means that the World believes you deserve better, and the catch is you have to be alive to receive it.
You’re obviously meant to acheive something that will make you feel better about life overall–and it must be something really great if the World has decided that it can’t afford to lose you. So shift your focus–think about what that great thing that you’re meant for could be. If you can’t think of it, try different things out. Make it a journey of discovery.
Millions of people die everyday. If you weren’t important, you would have been one of them by now, with all those attempts you’ve made.
May 13th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
You talk like you don’t believe so why do you accuse Him of doing nothing?
May 14th, 2009 at 7:57 am
It seems to me as if you have plenty of fight left in you.
and really you just want to ask why?
your here to experinece grow understand.
If there is no evil how do you know what is good?
why do so many bad things happen to you ?
Just as there is god there is the devil at work
he mixes truth with lies amd confuse our moral direction and we end up on the wrong path
we all make wrong choices but we need to take responsibility for those choices.
change things
you choose to do certain things which perhaps you knew deep down were not right?
you were angry and the devil exploited your anger
but you can make changes to move to a better path.
you need god’s help to do it.
you need to let go of all your anger otherwise you will be consumed by it
then you need to start taking steps (right choices) to get god in your life
it does not have to be one life defining moment just small deliberate steps from our dark lives into the light.
I wish I could lift all your pain off you and start you off a fresh but you and I know that is not possible and not really what you need.
You have to pick your self up and dust your self down and start moving into the light and leave all your past behind you.
Reemeber you are always just enough for GOD.
God speed into his light
May 14th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Believe the friend who says he/she cares and does love you. Believe the people who say they love you, if there are any.
People make wrong choices all the time. You have too. But because there is a God who does care, you’ll find out He loves
you soon. I’m praying for you to get all the help and support you need. You need love and someone to help you pick up the
pieces. Please don’t desert those around you. My life is very hard, but God is the One that keeps me from taking my life.
And my 2 children need me as well. God bless you poor girl. I’m very sorry and your story is the story of pain,
deep pain. Many people suffer but they ALL need personal attention. Love, directed at them personally.
Maybe you can find someone to share your pain with, little by little. And allow them to try to lift you up.
Please just ignore those who make it worse because of their own ignorance. Try to ignore them with all you have.
They are not in your position and have no right to judge you. And you, you’ll always have something to give.
You were created as a masterpiece by God. So you’re a piece of art, not a defect or doomed crappy piece of failure.
You can shine, when you try to climb up again, notice that God is there to support you.
I’ll pray for you. Don’t fear, there are still good people out there.
May 15th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Dear Halo,
I’m sorry about everything you’ve had to go through. I can’t say I know what’s it’s like, but I can tell you suicide isn’t going to help. If your still alive to read this, know that you are loved. There are people out here that love and care for you. If you kill yourself now you won’t ever know them. I can assure you, if you didn’t kill yourself, and don’t kill yourself, life will get better. God loves you Halo, His Son died just for you! If you we’re the only person on Earth, Jesus would have died for you. He loves you more than you can know. I just wish you could feel that love. If you didn’t kill yourself you will still have that opportunity. HE DIED FOR YOU ALONE, HALO. Never forget that. Never forget His love.
I don’t know what else to tell you. I WILL be praying for you.
Love ya,
Old Rickety Man
May 19th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Halo.
I’ve been thinking about your post since I read it last week, and I am wondering whether you went through with your plan. I’ve laid in bed at night thinking about what it would be like for you. How alone you must feel. And I kick myself that I haven’t written before now.
What concerns me about this post is that all of the people that have replied have continued to push you towards a figurehead you feel abandoned by. Tell you that he died for you. That you’ve been led astray by the devil.
That’s a crock, ok Halo?
Speak to someone. Someone that will listen to you and not tell you that God must have wanted it that way. That if you don’t believe, why do you accuse Him of not being there.
Halo, there are places that can help you… You could start with somewhere like The Support Network. You can call them in Edmunton on (780) 482 4357.
I don’t know if I believe in “God” as such. A single being that looks out over all of us. I think if anything, some divine being put us here on this earth to be that “God” to each other. To forgive, love and support. Because we are what we have.
I haven’t read the bible in years, but this passage from the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying is far more meaningful to me than some stories in a book written by a bunch of men with control complexes…
—-
May I be a protector to those without protection
A leader for those who journey,
And a boat, a bridge, a passage
For those desiring a further shore.
May the pain of every living creature
Be completely cleared away.
May I be the doctor and the medicine
And may I be the nurse
For all the sick beings in the world
Until everyone is healed.
Just like space
And the great elements such as earth,
May I always support the life
Of all the boundless creatures.
And until they pass away from pain
May I also be the source of life
For all the realms of varied beings
That reach unto the ends of space.
– Shantideva
—–
Halo, please post and let us know that you are still here. So we know we can help you if you need it.
Peace
Some Aussie Girl
May 25th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
i understand ur mad at god rite now and at the world and its ok to feel like that its ok to be mad and hate rite now and for as long as u need to….i hope ur ok really i hope u get to see this before u make a mistake….i know what its like to feel so lost and alone, like everything and everyone is gone and u wont be able to be happy again i do understand exactly how u feel ive had a child lost also it affected my wife more than i but i understand it and losing someone u love doesnt make u alone u had them once and the memories will last forever good or bad they are still memories of someone who once held special meaning to u and no one can take those from u as long as u want them…i hope u find that ur not alone in this world before its too late….because your still here and as painful as that is rite now i hope u realize there must be a reason for it and you will find out what that is one day
May 29th, 2009 at 4:39 am
One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along
the beach with the Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed
two sets of footprints in the sand,
one beloning to him and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the
very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you’d walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life there is
only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why when I needed you most
you would leave me.”
The Lord replied “My precious, precious child,
I love you and would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffereing,
when you see only one set of footprints in the sand,
it was then that I carried you.”
June 5th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
I’m so sorry that had to happen to you. I hope you are still there.
However you choose to think of God, that’s the way it is. I’m not going to try to prove that God exists or that he’s here, I’m not going to say I understand anything that you went through because I never will.
Try not to give up now. You may feel like it, but it would be better if you didn’t. Talk to someone about it, cry, let your feelings out. I don’t think your loved ones that passed would’ve liked to see you take your own life.
I’m quite sure that I know nothing about real pain and suffering, or how to help it, but I still care.
Do it for yourself, do it for your loved ones.
June 9th, 2009 at 12:11 am
Halo, I do not know you but I am a 57 year old grandmother who wants to have you out of all the young women out there as my granddaughter. We are not related but I care about you and would be honored to have you as my granddaughter. God is real and your heartache is not Gods plan as your plan is yet to come and God has delivered you this far and if you look up to the heavens and just say God I need you now he will be there. I apply the Blood of Jesus to every situation in your life and in your disblief I ask God to protect you and hold you and lead you. You have to do nothing at this point but know God is in control. He did not send those evil people into your life but he will lead you our of this mess. You will be an inspiration to other people who have been thru what you have endured and people will know your name. Arise and be healed in Jesus Name…
June 9th, 2009 at 1:45 am
hey sweetie …i hope your still there..im only 17 yr of age and i have a testimony
Just like you i felt god was not real and didnt care..everyone hated me misused me when all i did was be kind to them and try to comfort
i was raped by rrelatives(serval of them) i was abused mentally and physically by my father and love never seemed to want me … ive ben in an out foster homes …. but now that i look back god never wanted those things to happen to me ..yes he did give us free will and with that those evi;l ppl that tries to destroy you also have free will… so god is a gentle man he will noty comfort you unless you call on him he canmnot give you answers if you only talk and not listen. he heres you hes waiting for you to call on him .. he has your baby with him and he will give you another he will give you the desires of your heart if you just ask and truly believe that he is there… the air you cannot see but you do feel …really ask him and he will tell you why
i love you and i hope that you can overcome this an be better
if you need to talk to me my email is shenekahcayetano@yahoo.com
June 9th, 2009 at 2:04 am
some assie girl is right you cannot listen to what other people say but observe for your own assie girl says that she also dont believe in god but this book that tells of something more realating to life.. that book is man written too assie and the bible is a guide man written or not either way your relationship with god determines what makes living easier for you you think that the gifts and love ect., that ppl give you are from tyhem but god control evrything that is positive we have our own lives and he will not cannot but in an save you from satans world unless you let him……so i say to you assie girl and pardon me but im not trying to change your opinion god is alive just as well as satan is and this is his world ..all that confusion and pain and depressin is him i kno because ive seen both him and god god speaks to me and every time i call out to him hes there even when i dont realize it im only 17 and ive been through life to sit here and write to you all should say that god is here and he trully cares you just have to stop self pittying and look past whats happen to you it will only make you go crazy so i hope ive helped some one….
love shenekah
June 10th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Not sure if what your saying is true or just looking for a reaction (been there several times), but taking your own life is never the answer. Funny people think they have that control, but it’s really not up to you to decide. You can try and fail numerous times, because it’s not really in your hands. I have the scars to prove it.
I always hated the cliches life isn’t easy or life is what you make of it. No life can suck and sometimes it feels like it will never ever get better, it will make you doubt that there is a god. Sometimes life puts you in situations you have never been asked to be put in. Sometimes we blame god, sometimes we blame ourselves, and become guilt ridden and the pain is so tremendous that we feel there is nothing else left but to take our life, who would care anyways, we would be doing ourselves a favor, or perhaps improve the lives of another? Wrong! When you think of taking your life there is a gleam of doubt a pinch of fear that hurting yourself is not the answer, that there must be other ways to get through it. That’s God, that’s god giving you the option to do the right thing.
I to have lost a friend to suicide so I know that it’s hard to understand why god took them and left you, why they got out easy and you have to keep putting up with the bullshit. It took me years to understand that. Honestly at times I still contemplate it. I have children as she also had children and I could never imagine the pain and guilt they feel knowing she wanted nothing to do with them any longer, that her own selfishness was more important. I won’t lie and say I love life and life is perfect, because it is not, it’s so fucking hard. Hard to get up day to day and getting going, it’s tedious, its boring and sometimes down right hell.
Then there are days when I meet a sweet old lady and she tells me I have a beautiful heart, because I opened the door for her or when I forgot my wallet and a woman pays for my bill at the store, my daughter’s or son come to me and tell me they love me for no reason…just love me, or looking up to the sky and see this beautiful word that was created, and its those times I am so glad to be alive.
I sometimes feel I am here to share my life with other people, to share the experiences I have over come, to let others know they are not the only ones who think crazy thoughts. I am not embarrassed of the things I have done in life or the things that were done to me. It has made me who I am today. I know you think your alone with all that has happened in your life, but you are not! Has human we have the ability to over come so much in life. You have over come so much why stop now? You can make a difference to another life, look at what your doing now… look at us all come together for a person non of us even know….that’s god.
June 10th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
If we have so much faith to blame God, Then we must believe that He is all powerful and why then dont we blame our adversary the devil? The devil gets so much glory that he dont deserve by not doing anything but sitting around in our shadows and watching everybody blame God why satan destroys our self existance and worth…. Your being a woman, God says your worth more than rubies…Last chapter of proverbs. And note this, Your existance is the beauty only you could fill and the void without you would be like a shadow only painted on a graffitte wall by the devil himself. So please let your real shadow shine stay around a while. LIFE IS GOOD! You deserve what all your friends,mom,dad,and whoever else didnt have. PEACE! Isaiah 41.13 For I the Lord you God will hold your right hand and say unto you fear not for I will help thee.
June 13th, 2009 at 11:06 am
The things you have been through in your life are things that I personally have never been through myself so it’s hard to tell you that I “know” what it’s like to be you or maybe feel what you have felt. I do know one thing though, that I have been through other things like war and loss of life, I’ve seen things that are full of hatred and sadness but what you have to focus on is that YOU ARE STILL HERE. You have been spared for a reason, when God is ready to bring you home he will. Have you ever thought that instead of looking for all the reasons that you have been hurt in life and to try and figure out “why you” that maybe you are not here in this life for you. Maybe God put you here for someone else who is worse off than you, or that when they look at you they do see a flicker of hope that maybe helps them hang on for one more second. I’ve learned alot of things in my time but the one lesson God has taught me that sticks no matter what is………….that this is HIS world not mine and that you have to live for Him. This life is not yours to stomp through and make the rules or call the shots…….Just try one thing for me and if you can do this and come back and say that it no effect on your life then I will apologize. Try taking all that hatred and do something completely selfless, like go to a womens’ shelter and just listen for 5 minutes at the pain of another woman. Or, go to an orphanage and visit with a child who never had the opportunity to grow up with a Mother. Even better, join the military, come to Iraq and look at the children on the sides of the road barely old enough to walk at 140 degrees outside begging for water. There’s no doubt that you have been through some rough times in your life but if you are wasting it complaining about the negative aspects then maybe God isn’t ready to show you just how good you do have it……….Give God a chance to love you, don’t shut Him out because in the end He is all you have.
June 14th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Hi Halo,
I also stumbled across this website tonight. I forgot what i put into google. oh, I think it was “Can you hear me Jesus when i cry”? or something like that. I hope you are still alive. Jesus is alive. I wouldnt have believed it because i am hard headed. But I had this born again experience 30 years ago. I just watched this christian program where this lady had 12 major disgnoses and God healed her, delivered her from each one after a lady prayed for her for 10 hours.
I am sorry you are hurting so much. I hope you didnt kill yourself. And if you did I hope this message goes to someone else who is hurting. God is spirit. Ask Him into your heart and he will make himself known to you.
June 15th, 2009 at 6:29 am
There is a God…just because it doesn’t seem like He cares or Does anything…He does. It’s our own selfishness that make us blind…and if He was to help us every time in our life we would be perfect…we wouldn’t need feelings…free will…or anything…we’d be happy and controlled like puppets….cause then we won’t be hurt or loose the people we love. We need to let go of these things that has happened and learn to move on. He didn’t put you onto the streets, you put yourself out in the streets…there are many opportunities for you out there…to change and to live happily. He didn’t make you go out to there have sex with people to make money…there are other ways but you choose not to see it or to go out of your way and live a better life. He gave us free will to make the difference He already came down and died for us from our sin. You want proof that He is real…that’s up to you to choose no one can make that choice for you…for you to believe that He’s real or not…that’s your faith and if you believe something good will happen it will but if you doubt and don’t trust then you’ll continue to live life the way it is right now. *sigh* But enough of that…first of all you need to find yourself someone to talk to and work on yourself…until then…maybe you’ll find your answer to your own questions.
June 16th, 2009 at 1:49 am
I tried to kill myself,but then i thought live has meaning if we start to care about other people.think if you die even your mother who is in hweaven is heart so dont do it.it is just not right to end ones live in vain!
June 16th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
hey. if i was there. if i knew you. i would try wiping out all my past of hatred and everything and try being more christlike. i would want to be there for you
since i’m surrounded by a christlike community and good friends, i have no real life experience of this but just looking at how much you’re suffering, i just want to help you and let you know that God is always with you.
heres a song by Matt Redman. and for any of you guys that need hope and something to live for… something to reasure you, you should listen to this
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know you are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You
nobody ever said that the walk with God would be an easy one. you will find yourselves in hardships like yours. some might even find it worse then you are. but just hang on to the ride, enjoy what you can and eventually. God will call you home and there you can be peace with friends, family, everybody. those who will always be beside you.
June 17th, 2009 at 1:03 am
The fact that you have posted this on the internet for others to see is a cry for help. I believe that you know there is more to your life that you want to see, if only because you can still imagine a future where you are not plagued by such horrible circumstances. If you are indeed still alive, whether by your own accord or another case of divine intervention, take some time to consider that God still has a plan for you.
Additionally, I would like to offer some personal advice: it is always dangerous to demand that God make his presence known. Whether you shout it out loud, pray it in your head or post it on an internet forum, you are calling down a state of complete submission and many life-altering occurrences that you may or may not be prepared to deal with. For your sake, I hope that you have stuck around long enough for God to finally show you his power and the depth of his love for you.
June 18th, 2009 at 8:39 am
i love god. sometimes i get mad but i don’t blame it on god. it was there time to go. they did every thing they needed to do on earth. now god said to them to go to heaven. please don’t take those pills! they will kill you. i know it. you have’nt done any deeds on earth. the faster you do the deeds the qiucker you’ll go to heaven. put, if you take those pills, it will make it qucker for you to go to hell. you don’t want to do it. i know. you just have a broken heart. and as soon as you fix it, life will get better. please! It might be to late, but im sure there are some deeds you should do in hell. god is giving you another chance. good luck to fixing your heart. you will need it.
June 19th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
I’m sorry you weren’t happy, and I’m sorry you wanted more. I’m sure someone could have really appreciated and loved you. I’m sure you have brought many people to tears. Whoever you are, no matter what you have done, I love you.
June 19th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
I have faith in you. I may not believe in ” Jesus ” but I think there is SOMEONE out there who needs you. Have you realised how amazing you are at writing ? I hope you can be happier and I want to tell you that you inspired me. Be happy. Think positive. I know I cannot know what you have gone through, but everything will be ok if you move on in time. WE LOVE YOU ! (: xx
June 25th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
I won’t sit here and type that I know what your going through because I don’t. My heart goes out to you. These lives of ours are rough. I won’t tell you think a different way or be an optimist. But I will tell you to find that one thing that makes you happy and do it. Maybe you like art or music or whatever. But find that happy place that no one can take from you. I can’t tell you to have faith. But I can tell you to have your own personal relationship with the Lord. I’ve had religion force fed to me and i’ve learned that God deals with the individual. I know that you can overcome obstacles because reading through your post you’ve overcome more than most people. Try to stay strong.
Stay strong please.
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Halo, He’s given u something u just haven’t it yet - It’s us here - we are all here for you
July 6th, 2009 at 12:49 am
If you are still alive and reading this, you indeed have an right to be angry, you indeed have an right not to believe, you indeed have the right. But know this God feels your loss, suffers your pain.
I too at 15 was homeless, lived in an Youth Refugee. “Brought” up by an mother who was an alcoholic and a father an violent drunk.
I too went from institution to institution to foster parents.
I am not even going to say to you that God is real that He has an plan for you for that would be wasting my time.
I can’t convince you that Jesus is real I can’t show you that He is real prove to you that He is on;y He can do that and well I pray He does.
July 8th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
ok i know you must feel awful. i’ve had a close relationship with God my entire life. and for the past three months he’s been gone. i dont feel him there anymore. i’ve tried so hard to get him back, but he’s faded. but i keep my faith, and i will refuse to give up. please believe me, he’s there. you just have to keep your faith. i know exactly how you feel, but once you feel him, and once you know he’s there you will feel sooo happy. please, i dont want you to hurt even though i dont know you. i want you to be happy. TRULY. because i know how painful and angry your emotions are. please, even though we’ve never met, im praying for you. God bless
July 21st, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Wow… I have read through a lot of these posts (skipping the ones that were “preachy”) and all I know is that I feel for you girl and I hope you can find whatever you need to get through this - one way or another. I found your post by typing in ‘Dear God. Thanks for nothing” cuz I too feel that way. After reading your post, I realize that my situation is not as grave as yours. You have suffered a lifetime of pain in a few years whereas my similar story has taken many years to come about. I totally understand your desire to end it all… been there over and over and over…Still there in fact. The only thing saving me is my prescious little grandson. The one thing that I keep going back to is that I do not have to believe in this “god” that seems to have never done anything for me except take, take, take…I am on a journey to find what I do believe in, and that’s OK. I lost both parents tragically, lost my son, and lost all of my siblings. And the icing on the cake, I am married to an abuser and cannot find a way out. He is my only family left. Anyway, I can relate somewhat, and just hope that you did not end it. If you did, I hope that you are at peace.
Love,
C
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:10 am
God puts us through this to shape and mold us. to make us hard as a rock. After everything you’ve been through you know that nothing can hurt you more then you’ve already been hurt. that is your past as it is mine. To end ones life is the ultimate sadness and pain. Simply because each day good or bad allows us to choose to be and live differently. Although if you are experiencing as much pain as i think, which i myself have experienced, you will not understand this. The light at the end of this tunnel isnt a train i promise. Put down this pain knowing its what makes you feel alive although you dont want to admit it. Without it you dont know who you are. that is the first step towards redemption; knowing this fact. you’ve become your pain and without it deep down you dont know what you are or will become and it scares you. You also know deep down that you dont want others to suffer like you have even if it is you who takes their place. This is one of the only ways you know to show love because you are still broken. I’ve been stabbed, beaten thrown through walls and doors. all this before i was 6 years old. It never got any easier for me, if you trust god or really want his help, understand that it is not your time to die. Your life has purpose. When you finally know this in your head and heart as deeply as you know this pain, then it will be revealed. I do not claim to have walked in your shoes. in fact my life has been worse, i am a testimony to this through ever breath i take is a testament that god loves us and we live with his purpose in our lives.
July 30th, 2009 at 9:53 am
I just don´t belive you. I think u just want atention and u had it… 65 comments, see? stop blaming god or whatever for your shitty life, stop lying, stop exagerating,,, do you expect me to belive that everything u told is true and happened to u all toghether? I think u have problems, that´s for true, maybe u did had a molesting father and your mother died… i belive something happened but not all of this. and i don´t belive also in your suicide. By morning it will all be gone??? if someone wants to suicide, they don´t say it. your testemonial looks like a call for attention. congratulations!!! u have made it! grow up a little bit, get a job, stop using drugs, get a life! life is a bitch, sooner or later, and everybody have to handle it. everybody loose somebody, everybody gets hurt by somebody… and god is responsable? no my dear.. u are, we are, we all are, because we are free to do whatever we want… his only responsability is that he gave us free will and inteligence, and we don´t know how to use it right.. use your own right, ok? live life, be happy, get a dog, some company, and be a better person.
July 31st, 2009 at 12:34 am
I know none of us can do anything to stop u from doing what your going to do.
But maybe, God doesn’t give everyone a good life. It is all different.
Maybe he gave you this life that you have, because, he knows that you can survive.
Maybe he believes that you, of all people would be able to stand through all that crap.
You don’t have to believe in God to survive. Just do it your own way.
But don’t throw away your life.
Please.. ):
Lots of Love and Hope…
Allan.
August 15th, 2009 at 2:05 am
You can choose to restart your own life..depends on yourself. There are many people go through many kinds of bad things in the world..not only you. Everyone has their problems to solve. Your life is in your hand, of course you can choose to die or create it again. God is not perfect like everyone, there still are something he can’t do. God is someone we can talk to when we feel lonely and helpless. After talking to God you will feel better in your mind, but you still have to face the music, and find some ways to go on your life, that’s all.
Don’t run away your real life because of these little things. I lost my parents, my friends too .. but i choose to live well. If you want, you can create your new life~
Life is hard, but it’s really a gift. so … try hard~
Esther
August 25th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
How can people say suicide is happiness for them? Life is not all about fun. Life is to be endured. Life is full of the unexpected. You haven’t even lived half of your life. Who are you to say God is to blame? He gives you life and free will and all you give back is anger towards someone who loves you unconditionally? God does not need to prove to you He is there(He created us and rules over us, He loves us), deep down you know He’s there. The only reason we are here is because He gave us existence. It’s something called faith you need. You expect things right now, right away. How is it that you have lived through those events in your life? God kept you alive. He knows you can do better for yourself because you can. It is not His job to make us better. It is our job to make ourselves change for the better. And you know…………. there is always someone willing to listen and help.
September 5th, 2009 at 12:05 am
Dear Halo,
I hope you are still here to read this - I can’ t say I have all of the answers for you and I certainly know that life can really suck. I have had my fair share of what I will call bad luck. I wrote in Dear God and stumbled upon your e-mail. I was going to pray for me today but now I will save them for you. Yes, I’m a Christian but I don’t know if God steps in to fix things or not. I do think he can provide comfort I really I do. I’m afraid you will die and then thinking you’ll be free will not be what happens at all. If what people tell me, I think this life is a test to see how well we do, how well we treat others and how well we treat ourselves too. I too said I was going to pray for me today but I think you need it more Halo. I hope you treat yourself better than those who have not, I hope you show kindness and gratitude towards others when they have shown you none. You can be the example, you can make us all believe that this world isn’t just bad but that good people to live on this earth.
I will pray for you today Halo, I hope you will write us all back and let us know how you are doing and let us help you as you see even strangers give a damn.
So today is Halo Day! I will keep you close in my heart, my mind, my spirit and my prays. HALO’s DAY!!!!
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:25 am
Well,this isnt going to go down well,but,no sympathy here. Sorry,but it is my opinion,just as those of yuo who are all worried.That’s your opinion as well.To Halo:
Oh,no,..Life’s just kicked the Sh$t out of you and you’re not very old yet.Your not the only one,..many of us have been there too. I dont believe your going to do it.Off yourself that is.Or,you’d have just done it.I know you wont for two reasons.One,you told someone,which indicates you want them to help you.Two,..you posted here,which indicates you’ll be back to read all the feel good posts you can. Why post if your not curious what people will say.That’s the point of posting anything. Look,..I’ve been where you are,only I didnt tell anyone about it,..to boohoo about how life isnt giving me what I want it to.And you can all flame me if you want,but it’s the truth.If someone is intent to killing themselves,they just do it.I kept trying and trying,and it just kept getting interrupted.People came over,or found me in places I would hide in.So,there IS a God or I wouldnt be here.He has his reasons,and they arent for us to demand. And no,I wasnt asking for help.This one here is just angry about the way their life is going.Well,..you didnt have to sleep with anyone.It was the path you chose to take. Dont even go there that you had to make a living,..others do and they arent doing the sex thing.And,..this about all 13 of your friends dying in 3 months,well,..that sounds like mass suicide to me.That would’ve made the evening news. Anyway,.. take life with a grain of salt. No one gets the brass ring,..but we can get a nice sinver one if we make an effort.
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:27 am
I meant to say Silver ring,.not Sinver.
November 8th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Please don’t go………………Please….we need you here.