Dear God,
As I read the posts of other people on Dear-God, I am struck by the simplicity of my emotions and wants. There are so many complex people and hurt people in this world that my problems are meaningless. After all, I live in a well-off family, go to a good school and have a few good friends. But I can’t appreciate my well-off family, I can’t like my school and I can’t bring myself to get any closer to my friends beyond the superficial. It’s like the old saying; you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Some days I think I’m fine. Am I? Help me to know if I am. Help my mother to feel better than she does. It kills me to see her like she is, and somehow it’s worse to know just what disease she has. Blessed ignorance, that’s what I wish for. Help me as well. I didn’t ask for this disease, either. What did I do? Have I done something that needs to be punsihed? I didn’t know I was that bad. I feel like a hypocrite; I’ve never had any real faith. Maybe that’s my logical side coming through. But I want to believe-I want to believe so badly. Forgive me for bieng attracted to my best friend-she doesn’t know and she probably never will. But I really don’t know what to do. I’m fake, I lie and I lie to myself. I hurt myself, I hate myself and I punish myself for mere memories that I recall at odd times of the day. Please, just tell me that when I die, either on my own terms, by some accident, or by mere old age, that I won’t go to hell.Please tell me that there isn’t one.
Danielle - New ZealandShare:
