Dear God,
I feel weird, maybe its called guilt. My parents have on-going problems and are constantly at each other when I was younger. The thing is I didnt care. I just wanted them both to not wake up the next morning. I played them against each other and I did something terrible. Probably the worst thing I could ever do to them. I was in year 8 going onto year 9 in New Zealand. I was enrolled to go to an all girls school, Marist college but i didnt want too. I kept crying and begging her that I wanted to go to avondale college like the rest of my friends. I thought that she was just doing this to me because her life was miserable.
I was desperate so I blackmailed my father in to convinving my mother to enrol me in to the school I wanted. I was only thirteen years old and i told him that he had until the next day to convince my mum or else I will tell her that he cheated on her….for the third time.
It worked and I was so happy. I hated my parents and i didnt care. I was happy and they were miserable, now five years on I cant seem to be happy and cant shake the feelings of lonliness. I moved to Australia a few weeks into starting at my dream school. Now i hate myself- while at the same time hating my parents. Please god help me.
TC Aplen - Queensland/Australia Share:
August 19th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
If only you could give a bit more information that would be great.
August 20th, 2008 at 5:01 am
wow thats some heavy stuff…
Sometimes, getting what we want is all we see and how we get it doesn’t matter as long as the reward comes there after. (didn’t mean to rhyme) So yeah I understand this feeling, but its a selfish feeling, it is decision with the motive of pleasing oneself and manipulating others. It ends up that the Guilt is way more bitter than what you got is sweet, and it ruins all the joy you wanted from that thing.
I would say that the solution to this guilt is to ask for forgiveness from your parents. I understand that action take a lot of boldness and a lot of humility, but I know that guilt that will no longer be with you. Also know that God will always forgive you for anything no matter if your parents do or not, and when it comes down to it, I’d rather be square with God rather than anyone else. God will forgive those who ask for His Forgiveness.
I hope this helped, let me know if it didn’t
-Luke
August 20th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Oh, this is bad, really bad, honestly if my child do this to me, I’ll be seriously mad that I will think to get rid of him or her. This is totally selfish and childish. You couldn’t imagine what damage you’ve done to your father. But on the other hand, if I was your father, I’d never allow this to happen, one scene in the ‘desperate housewoves’ comes to me: Lora wanted to kick Lynette out of the house, then she just lied to her shrink that Lynette hit her, but in fact, it was herself who hurt herself, then Tom who knows very well that Lynette won’t do this to little Lora, he just came to Lora and ask Lora to tell the truth to him with the phone on(with the shrink)… in the end, Lora went away with her grandparents which is best to her and to the whole familly of her father.
I can’t image a child without any sympathy…
But since you are aware of all what you did, GOD will forgive you, and now it’s time to get your parents’ forgiveness, try to apology, if you mean it, they will feel that and forgive you. And try to treat them better to make up.
August 21st, 2008 at 4:15 am
Your parents are grown ups. You were a kid. They were the responsible adults in this situation and your father was weak to fall into your blackmail just so he wouldnt prove your mother again that he was weak on cheating on her again.
I dont justify your actions, but you got what you wanted. And you’ll learn that not because you have what you want it makes you happy.
Find Peace ask for fogiveness.
August 21st, 2008 at 4:23 am
This young woman is a product of these parents and her environment. If her father did truly cheat on her mother then what she has been taught in every sense of the word is how to dishonest, deceitful and controlling. I don’t minimize nor condone, for her sake, her actions of blackmailing to get her way. But this is ludicrous that this girl even has anything to “blackmail” her parents about. She has been raised in an atmosphere of dishonesty and betrayal and this has created an instability within her. These parents have not protected this child. The adults must uphold the boundaries and show their children the meaning of such and they have left her now vulnerable to her aching impulses to find her own way to medicate the pain of not having such boundaries. This incident is minor to what could befall her in the future if this family does not seek help and healing.
May the light be with you all. I will pray for you.
With great love and respect for your journey,
RB
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:15 pm
If you want to feel better about it, talk to them. You don’t have to bring up the whole cheating part, just tell them that you’re sorry for all the wrong things you have done. I’m glad you feel bad, it means that you’re not a bad person. And that I’m sure everyone (and God) appreciates. You can also try to make up for your past mistakes by making both your parents less miserable. Sometimes divorce isn’t a bad idea, afterall, your dad is/was cheating on your mom. And that’s doesn’t sound so loving. Atleast have them go to a marriage shrink. Once they’re finally in a better place for their relationship, your guilt will hopefully go away. Good luck and thank you for confessing.
August 30th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
reading this makes me feel really upset for you. i must admit that your decision was wrong, and that it probably didn’t help the situation with your parents. but i also think that every choice we make gives us a chance to learn something, and instead of regretting this, you can choose to help yourself, and help other people. i think everyone is right in saying that telling your parents and apologizing is a good idea, and i hope that this helps you to grow and learn. remember, god has already forgiven you.
love,
stephanie
August 31st, 2008 at 9:10 am
Hey i understand your feeling, i think everyone has a moment in their lives when they want something so bad they don’t care who they hurt or who hates and hurts them. But these are feelings that cause much pain in the future as you are experiencing now. What you did was terrible and selfish, but at least you have relised what you have done wrong, asking forgiveness and learning from it. Talk to your parents, say sorry. Then maybe you can be able to move on in the knowlegde that you asked for forgiveness and ,that if every thing goes well you are forgiven. Good Luck
September 3rd, 2008 at 1:07 am
You will experience SO MUCH, IMMEDIATE RELIEF, if you ask your Dad to forgive you. And you know what will happen - YOUR DAD WILL FORGIVE YOU, IMMEDIATELY. And you two will be closer than you can imagine.
I have kids and I know I’ve done/do things that reminds me that I’m not perfect either. But if you talk to each other, it builds understanding and trust and respect and love.
Please let us know how you are doing.
Jack
September 3rd, 2008 at 10:31 am
Apologize to God, and to your parents