Dear God,
Where to begin…
I go to a military boarding school and am struggling with the idea that I might be gay. I’ve lived my entire life around the idea that girls are who I should be with, but I can’t explain my attraction to guys. It’s weird, and I’ve never been with a man to any extent, but I feel like I should. Every time I kiss my girlfriend, I feel like a liar.
Is there something wrong with me? Did you make me this way or am I just a freak?
Scared - USA
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October 22nd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. Never, ever think that.
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:47 am
There is nothing AT ALL wrong with you! Some of the kindest, most honest, caring and decent people I’ve ever known are gay, and there’s nothing at all wrong with them, either. Quite the contrary - there’s a whole lot right about them, and I’d be willing to bet there’s a whole lot right about you, too.
My sweetheart spend nine years struggling through the Army, first at West Point, then in service, until he literally broke down. The thing is, he should never have gone into the military in the first place. He’s a singer, an actor, and a very talented massage therapist with a real gift for healing. Unfortunately, he was fifty years old before he figured that out, and while he’s finally doing the things he loves, he suffered deeply for many years and lost lots of opportunities to share his real talents with the world.
There’s nothing wrong with being a warrior - IF that’s who you are. But if your gifts lie in another direction, don’t struggle to be someone you’re not. If you’re gay, you’re gay - it’s simply a part of who you are, and who God designed you to be. Find your own path, and be grateful that you discovered an important part of yourself while you were young enough to fully express who you are.
God bless!
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:43 am
Listen to the voice inside of you. There is nothing wrong with being gay. I’m a 32 year old man with the most amazing partner in the world. I never thought this was possible just ten years ago. I wish you peace and have never posted anything to a blog like this before but your story made me so sad because on the other side of accepting yourself is so much joy and love — you will find it if you have the courage and bravery to be who you are. Good luck and I’m sending you my best wishes.
October 24th, 2008 at 6:51 am
You are perfect just the way you are. Its that plain and simple. I know it is hard and seems like you are the only person like you, but you are not alone. Find someone to talk to. Here are a few sites you might want to visit:
http://www.MatthewShepard.org
http://www.MatthewsPlace.com
http://www.GLSEN.org
http://www.HRC.org
http://www.PFLAG.org
October 24th, 2008 at 8:39 am
As a gay person I can relate to your posting. I think we all (gay people) had some level of internal struggles once we realized that we “might” or “were” gay. I came from a military family (my dad was a Navy officer) and lived a very “straight” life as far as everyone was concerned. Played high school football, baseball and track. Loved to fish, camp etc. But inside I knew that I found men much more attractive then women.
Although I did not live in denial I also did not burst open the closet door. I lived a double life….gay and straight. Then I met the most incredible person. I knew this was “the one”. Little by little I opened up to friends and family as I felt comfortable. I was on no ones time schedule except mine. Now at age 35 I have the most incredible life. Our families, friends and work (both of us work for Fortune 500 companies) are 100% supportive. We travel around the world and in our “Republican” suburb freely. I have never been discriminated against nor called a single name.
I am not going to tell you that you are gay. You must figure that out on you own. But If you have strong feelings for men then chances are that you are. PLEASE do not rush out and act on your emotions with the first person you meet. Take it slow. If you are over 21 go to a gay bar or a pride parade (you may want to travel to another city for this one). Find the right guy. Go to any kind of gay sponsored event.
I am not promising you that you will not face hardships in life if you determine that you are gay. I did with my family. It took 5 years before they came around. You will be scared and afraid to open up. Once again take it slow and stay on your agenda. Frustration will me more previlant than fear or anger. Frustration with ignorant (primarily Politicians and Religious) anti-gay people will be present constantly. But you shake your head and realize that God made you in his own image. Who you are is not wrong! Every day will be more rewarding as you come to accept who you are and realize the world will not hate you. Surround yourself with good people. It will be OK. On a final note….I kind of hope you are gay. Our community needs more thoughtful and caring people such as yourself.
October 25th, 2008 at 6:21 am
For almost 20 years, I refused to accept that I was gay. Despite a loving, liberal family (who couldn’t care less what I am as long as I’m happy), gay friends, and a mysterious attraction to guys & growing disinterest in girls, I was convinced it wasn’t me. No way. I made excuses for everything; in retrospect, I don’t understand how I did it to myself. There was absolutely no way I was a mincing, limp wristed nellie.
What convinced me was a pal I met at a social services office near where I worked. He was an ex-con, a mechanic, a burly & bad ass whicky swilling mans man, and a self-described flaming bottom. In early conversations, he simply assumed I was gay - I took great offense. His refusal of my heterosexuality was as complete & steadfast as my belief in it. His jailhouse Masters degree in behavioral psych helped him shoot down my entire web of self denial. It was painful and, eventually, cathartic. I was able to accept who I am instead of wondering what was wrong with my life.
I’m still utterly un-invested in gay life though. I have a loving boyfriend, but the entire rainbow-flag & pride parade gay bar culture still isn’t for me. Maybe it’s still lingering denial, maybe I was never properly indoctrinated. I will never mince, my wrists are too thick to go limp. Maybe you feel this way too? Perhaps you are simply “gay” rather than all-out “queer”.
Whatever you are, love it. You are who you are, and you can’t fight it…SHOULDN’T fight it. Nature has a marvelous habit of being correct.
October 25th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
You should read http://www.breaktheillusion.com/
October 26th, 2008 at 2:18 am
i can totally relate, exept the whole military thing.
October 27th, 2008 at 2:22 am
I am gay. I had the same experience a long time ago. It is not easy but you will feel better after discover the truth.
October 29th, 2008 at 8:41 am
There is no “where” to beguin, but “when”… go for it. there is a lot to live.
October 31st, 2008 at 6:20 am
So here’s the deal, you discovered you liked boys, have a girlfriend whom you feel your betraying. Fact of the matter is your feeling guilty for betraying yourself, your gonna try and deny that you gay for sometime and trust me there will be tremendous amounts of influence that will assist you with your denial phase. One day finally you realise that its all bullshit and why should you live a lie. Typical story of any gay young man. Take one step at a time dude, slowly but surely you’ll learn to love yourself as you are and not follow labels that society gives you. Its a tricky, sticky but a beautiful journey this life, allow yourself to be free. To be fair let me say that I’ve just come out to one of my friends, they reacted very well, on the other hand I have a friend whom I’m struggling yo come out to and oh theres my parents. One step at a time thats all, the ball is in your court, you decide what to do at your own pace no situation should bully you to deny yourself happiness.
October 31st, 2008 at 8:08 am
Dear Scared, please do not be decieved, the feelings you are experiencing is the trick of the enemy (satan) . For he comes to steal, kill and destroy. He walks up and down the earth seeking whom he can devour to take to hell with him. Hell was made for satan and not human. Scared, you have to understand we all are tempted into something we know in our hearts and mind that are not right, and it’s up to us NOT TO YIELD ourselves to that which we know doesn’t seem right and is not right. That’s why you should pray everyday for the LORD to protect and keep you from the tricks of the ENEMY. I was tempted the same way and I say “Satan I rebuke you in the name of JESUS, for you are a liar and the truth is not in you”, Always pray and read your bible, repent of your sins ask God to forgive you and to save you. Believe that God gave his only begotten son JESUS that who so ever believe on him shall be saved and he wants you to be saved and happy. I would suggest that you read in the old testement LEVITICUS 18:22 there you will find it is an abomination to lie with the same kind. I AM NOT SAYING ALL GAY PEOPLE ARE GOING TO HELL, only the ones that don’t repent will see hell fire. People that are not saved period will see hell including myself if I don’t continue to live a Godly life. I could be a liar and still go to hell that’s why I don’t look at a person and say “you are going to hell ” because I will be judged just like everyone else if I am living a sinful life. sin is sin in Gods eyes, there are no greater sin than another to him. IF you were a murderer and I am a liar to God we are the same.
I wish you the best and I will be praying for You…. GOD BLESS!
November 1st, 2008 at 4:46 pm
finally someone with some sense!
look Scared,
the world would never have come to what it is now if some of us were created to be gay.
God created us in his image, when he was reincarnated he became man, born of St. Mary. he didn’t appear out of nowhere (which he very well COULD have) but rather he was BORN. Because that is what is natural, and that is what is right and that is how God created humans. its very simple.
God doesnt change or develop, he Was and IS and WIll always be in the beggining and the end - the same God. If he destroyed sodom and gomorah however many years ago, it wont ever happen that he’ll create a person to be gay. sorry, that’s how it is. You can eb gay and happy, you just cant expect God to approve. there is way too much evidence in the BIble about it, non refutable evidence.
So, whilst im sure satan has his way of tempting you, all i can say to anyone out there who is or feels like they should be gay is pray. Just walk into a church and pray about it from your heart, in honesty. Tell God what is making you believe you’re gay, tell Him if you’re confused or convinced.
And then don’t lie to yourself about what you feel afterwards.
November 1st, 2008 at 10:00 pm
I dont have a lot of experiences of life but what I can say you is not to be a stupid!!! A few friend of main are gays and know they are havind a lot of problems… The want to get back in the past and star again in some parts of their lifes… But they cant and now they feel like “animals”. Dont be stupid, you can go on. Ask for help (real help, not by internet) and you´ll see you can do it! May be it take´s some time, but it would be a good spended time!
I´ll pray for you! Comme on! you can!!
November 2nd, 2008 at 2:29 am
You should read Davey Wavey’s blog - its very helpful http://www.breaktheillusion.com/
November 2nd, 2008 at 6:52 am
Scared Man
Is nothing wrong with how you feel and stop calling your self a freak. I hope that yopu understand after all these comments, you’re not alone in this world. I’m gay myself and i’ve been through difficult times until i accepted myself the way i am. Believe there is the best thing i have ever done in my life. Being honest to your self is the best gift you can give to you. I was fighting for some years and when i have started speaking to my close friends i couldn’t wish for a better reaction. Most of them new, the closest ones and since then i wasn’t feeling alone. You will understand when you will be ready to speak with someone and share your thoughts, when you will be ready to live your life the way you are and the way you like it. But don’t keep it within yourself forever and miss all the best moments of being yourself. I will finish with something a friend of mine told me (gay as well), when i shared with him my secret. ‘Welcome to a new brave world’, still carrying it with me all those years. Enjoy
November 2nd, 2008 at 6:16 pm
I’m in the military and have a few friends who’ve eperienced what you’re going through. I beleive you are born the way you are, whether it be gay or straight. Stay strong. When the time comes to tell everyone, you’ll know it.
November 8th, 2008 at 8:36 am
I completely sympathise with your situation.
However, the bible tells us all that it is wrong to be homosexually active. A sin. Therefore you must avoid acting on these feelings that you are going through. Pray to the lord, and he will answer. Remember that the first followers of Jesus all died for there Christianity, therefore there is nothing that you cannot do. God loves you so much, dont allow this to get in the way of your relationship with him
November 9th, 2008 at 1:42 am
as most of them said,it’s most important for u to figure out wheater u’r homosexual or not.
I think it is very common for most of us to find out who are we really are.
November 9th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
If you are gay, you are blessed. Always listen to your heart first, before anything else.
November 9th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
I feel you should keep asking god to help you. I really feel that it all started with adam and eve. i will pray for you . I feel thats not a happy road you want to go to. GOD PLEASE HELP HIM. Give ya whole heart to god. stay strong god needs us.
November 14th, 2008 at 11:53 am
ha ha,”god bless” the internet. That’s the kind of thing one should expect from catholicism (or from the internet, where people have basically nothing to do - like me right now): God punishes thy who sucks dicks while having one.
I believe that the most of the greek dudes made orgies with kinky boys and did not burn in hell, but built, painted and sculpted stuff.
you should go ahead before you become an unbearable inside-the-closet. Guys are pretty good to be with, even though they’re cretins some times. But we are too. I mean, i’m just i girl, i should procreate and live my life worshiping god, god GOD!!!
November 21st, 2008 at 8:04 am
you just need a best friend buddy, one that isnt afraid of talking about anything. you also should KNOW that for every man, the right girl is out there somewhere, you just have to look hard and find her. good luck man follow what your heart and soul tell you, NOT YOUR MIND!!!!!
November 27th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
When theirs lack of faith and Madison avenue promoting gayhood like it’s the in thing, like your shows “L word, etc”, expect tempations. God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve, and faith, the teachings of Christianity from an Orthodox (Byzantine era passed on) not Papal Rome which bastardized everything. Once you come to understanding the true faith, you’ll be away from such temptations. Unfortunately for most that claim to be faithful, will choose and pick alittle of each religion cause it convenience their passions. Christ willfully went through the crusifician to save us from those our sins, however, you still have to come to full repentance, and struggle like a true Christian to avoid from future sins. We are not perfect, I myself am far from it, but I struggle…Read some books from Sarephim Rose on the subjects, they’ll enlighten your soul. Good Luck, God be with us all!
December 5th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
I truly believe that most of us in this life have some strong or not strong urges regarding same sex relations. I have had bi sexual tendancies since I was preteen. I am not going to tell you it is right or wrong. I am going to tell you to invite Jesus into your heart and make Him your savior for he is the only true path to God. I am encouraging you to discover God/Jesus love, compassion, joy, faith all the things that He is and encourage you to ask Him for the path in your life and study who God/Jesus is and what he means to your life. Ask the Holy Spirit to come dwell on the inside of you to give you strength to just walk strong daily in all aspects of your life and also opens up new ways for God to speak to your heart.
Personally for me, I have dealt with bi sexuality and experienced it enough to believe for my life it isn’t the path that God wants me to take. Am I ever tempted..sure, when I dwell on it..I can get quite worked up about it..I am human, do I regret my free choice..nope. Do I have to reaffirm that decision here and there..yes. I stay the course for my life. My flesh always wants things, usually acts more like a petulant child then a grown adult and if I indulged in my sexual flesh with a woman..sure would feel great at the time but the inside of me ..would feel let down and disappointed for I know that isn’t my path.
This is your life, no one can dictate right or wrong to what is your free will. Yes, we are to seek guidance but seek prayerful Godly guildance and after receiving that..check with the witness deep in your heart if that is right advice. It is funny, usually if I hear advice that makes my flesh go YAYand isn’t a struggle..that is the first huge sign that I better check again..for usually the flesh is contrary to the heart of God.
If you truly seek wisdom…you will find it.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Hello Scared, I
I had a friend who died with aids. He was gay. I loved him dearly. He has been gone now about three years. He was sexually abused as a child. He told me so. I wonder if this is why he was gay. If anyone out there was abused as a child, talk it through with a minister, counselor or someone and tell them what you are feeling. But, be careful whom you talk with - someone who is able to be truthful with you and not just tell you iwhat you want to hear. I’ve always heard, that the person who tells you that you’ve got dirt on your noice is your true friend. When my gay friend died, I was so angry with his uncle. His uncle was a minister. My friend craved his uncles unconditional love, but he died without it. Ministers please be careful - don’t hurt - show mercy.
Scared, I do not think that you should give in to the urge about being gay. I believe that you will regreat going into a gay life style, and once there - you can never go back. I also have a friend - who’s son was gay. He too died with aids within the last year or so. Please don’t do it. It is wrong and aganist the way God made you. Protect your self - it’s not healthy or natural.. My friend as a little boy didn’t have a choice, it was foced on him. Don’t do it. God Bless !!!
December 12th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
TST
December 16th, 2008 at 3:23 am
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and this has nothing to do with your religious beliefs. Sexuality is a biological and physical thing. My advice to you would be give in to your desires and be intimate with a man. I think you’ll get the answers you are looking for. I remember the first time I got a hug (not even sexual) by a man, I felt like I was free and finally felt like I was on my way to being the person I was meant to be.
This is the only life we get. Don’t waste any time.
L.
December 18th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
your okay, your not a big freak …
my brothers GAY and he felt the same way as you .. and he is in love with his partner as we speak
soooo follow your mind body and heart and do whats best for you..
December 19th, 2008 at 2:55 am
I can´t believe what I am reading on some comments about “don´t become gay” and so on.
I am gay and I´m not vicious person. I´ve been with a boy during two years. I know a lot of gays and there´s nobody that has AIDS. That was on another century!!!
I sure U that U should contact with gay people. U should meet them and see if U feel like them. U´ll see that theres a lot of people like U and some cowards merry with a woman and lies themselves all their life.
be brave and be prepare to discover the truth. Your truth.
When U are sure about your option, scream to all of them bravely. Your life will be better than now whatever the option is.
sorry about my writting. I´m spanish
you can write me to chicoss18@hotmail.com and talk to me. I could be helpfull for U.
December 20th, 2008 at 5:01 am
Maybe you are feeling guilty because you feel that you are not good enough for your girlfriend. Not many guys out there are 100% straight, it might just be some kind of attraction that takes control of your mind and body for some time but once you overcome it you will feel absolutely normal.Mind tends to tell us to do the opposite of what we wants to do just like a stubborn kid.Just keep telling yourself that you are straight and have no sexual desires toward the same sex every time you go to bed or after you wake up and this will be recorded in your subconscious mind and your mind or actions will be in your control..try it and you will see the differences.
December 20th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Dude, I’d be more worried about the Military school, they think that killing people is ok.
December 22nd, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Hi Scared,
I think you should take the advice of some of the Gay posters here. You may very well be Gay and there’s nothing wrong or evil about that. God created you that way.
I am not Gay, I am a female and the last boyfriend I had, I had to tell him I thought he was Gay. He was a very handsome, athletic, manly man and I loved him very much. Nothing flaming about him, but I just knew he was Gay and thought he should know and accept it. When I told him, he gave me a look of relief and just couldn’t believe I said what he could not admit even to himself.
The only thing I am appalled about on this post are the self righteous brainwashed Christians that think they have God all figured out….well they don’t. Christians enjoy covering things up rather than bringing them into the open. Why would God create a Hermaphrodite? There are more of them than you would think. God creates all kinds, Christians like to put them in a mold. Christ wouldn’t do that.
Anyhow, don’t be afraid of your feelings but take it slow. It takes time to rediscover ourselves, and accept who we are. Thanks for sharing.
December 28th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
First off, pay no attention to the comments of Willow, Relieved, Edina, Paula, James and Julia. Edina, your post is very similar to another post I saw on an Australian website recently, or maybe it was a Prop 8 forum? Perhaps you bang on about that story about the friend who had AIDS as a way of appearing like a Christian soul, while attempting to preach and scare the bejus out of young people who may be struggling with something like this.
Being Gay is something you are born with - it is sexuality - that is all. In 2009 you would think people have better things to worry about. Alas, no.
As your question has nothing really do with God or religion pay not attention to it. However, to respond to the above posters who wish to put the fear of God and her infinite wisdom and compassion into you, I say this. God is a greater universal force within us all - no judgement - no doomsday, no getting to the “Pearly Gates” on a white cloud and some dudette saying “Oh I’m sorry scared of USA, see Willow over there, well she is a christian and can jump the queue while you, my poor child will have to go right to the very end which is now at 1000000000 because, well…you like boys and that is wrong.
Live your life, be honest, treat people with the same respect you wish to be given and be the best person you can be. I realise you are scared as you most likely do not want to hurt your girlfriend, but yet, are unsure just how to tell her and also wonder if you can trust her. I would think by now, depending on how long you have been together you will know.
Is there is a close friend you can rely on, that you can talk to, at least I really do hope so. But Scared of USA, never doubt yourself, or discredit your emotions or feelings and realise that your life - regardless of who you love - is just as important and not open to justification as anyone else and needs no judgement based on the fear of another.
Good luck! You are not alone. Always remember that.
I think a few people here have missed the point about this site and believe it to be a direct line to God or a way to voice their own beliefs.
Sacred of USA: These people live by a book that is an old account of what they consider to be right and wrong. They perpetuate an attitude that is ill educated, mis informed and quite silly.
January 1st, 2009 at 9:26 pm
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not let these hateful people who say that being gay is wrong influence you. If you “tell yourself you’re straight” like one poster suggested, you will end up unhappy and living a lie. And more than that, the girl you are with at the time that you realize it will be devastated that her husband/boyfriend can never really love her because he listened to some stupid online creep and tried to be something that he wasn’t. If you are straight, enjoy and love life. If you are gay, enjoy and love life. If you are something in between, still enjoy and love life. We only have so much time here, and I am begging you not to waste yours trying to conform to something that will ultimately ruin you. Be who you are–thats all God would want. If you’re still worried about what God will think, just remember that not all religions see things the way Catholicism does, and just because some people look down on you doesn’t mean that God does.
Be strong–don’t forget that it’s your life and you have ultimate power over your own destiny. don’t let people influence you too much.
Much love!
February 5th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Just because you believe some bullshit fairytale does not give you the right to deny somebody else’s experience. The Bible says homosexuality is a sin? So the fuck what? It also says that women are unclean when they have their period and they should go hide in the woods. It also says we should mutilate infant’s penises, etc. etc. If we were really to live by the so-called morality of the bible we would be in prison. Those who think there is any connection be The Bible and morality haven’t read it closely enough.
If you’re gay, you’re gay. Don’t listen to the arrogantly ignorant or you will be miserable for the rest of your life.
March 11th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
God still loves you, no matter what.
April 11th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
God loves you no mater what! But you must understand that although He loves you, he does not like what you do. Homosexuality is an abomination according to the Word of God. You must confess to God and He WILL heal you
April 14th, 2009 at 6:13 am
One problem I have with the justification everyone gives saying that you have to be honest with your self and just be who you feel you want to be. The problem is doing what you feel doesn’t mean what you feel is right. To give you an example, am married. But I’ve had an attraction to other men to the point where I would like to have sex with another man. I want to do that because theres something inside of me that takes my breath away when I think about it and just makes me horny.
If I were to be honest with myself and just do what I feel, I would have been with other men. You can grab all sorts of similar example, people who have a desire to steal, who have a desire to do things because we are not perfect human beings. Your desire to be with another person of the same sex is like my desire to be with other men. Its a normal feeling, you just have to find ways to deal with it and instead of asking if you’re a freak, which your not, ask what is going in your life that might make you feel attraction to men. Its the same questions I ask myself. My answer is that I got married young, and I still want to live and do things I’ve never done. I have a need to explore. So now that I’ve got my answer, at least a part of my answer because its never that simple, I can figure out a solution. So I’ve decided to take classes that would involve both me and my partner. I want to find things that both of us can find fun and new.
But above anything anyone tells you, ask God, because you can talk to God just like a friend and he will reply to you better than any friend could, you have to learn how to listen to God. My suggestion is don’t think about whether you gay or not, look at your life and learn how you can listen to God, because he is always talking to us in one way or another.
God is with you………..even if no one else is
April 24th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Dear Scared,
The Christian religion continue to persecute people who are different - consider all the wars and violence that have been committed in the name of Christianity. DON’T LISTEN TO THEM!! Christians often speak of love but don’t act love which is acceptance and compassion for all. Love and validate your truth, don’t rush to find an answer, we don’t all fit in the boxes society has created. You are okay just the way you are and in time you will come to know that.
June 25th, 2009 at 3:31 am
Hey Sweetheart,
there is absolutly nothing wrong with you or the way you feel. I am a lesbian and I had so much guilt once apon a time. Life is way too short for guilt. There is more then enough in life to worry about other then who we are attracted to. I believe that love in any form when it is two consentual adults is in lifes plan. Sexuality and love are Gods greatest gifts. And I know many Gay men that live out happy healthy fun loving lives in the company of their mates. They feed off of each others creativity and make this world such a beautiful place to be. There are many support groups out there to help you in your quest of finding your true self. I know I have it took some time but I have found peace in the love I have for other women. God Bless you all.