Dear God.
I am a short, weak-looking woman. But I once assaulted a young teen- aged boy who threw an apple at my car. I drove down an alley after him really fast, stopped and jumped out and chased him down. I cornered him in by a fence and pushed him down. I kicked him a few times in the abdomen and arm while he was down. Then I got in my car and drove away. I was a wreck about it for months. It spurred me to go to counseling for my “anger” but I never did tell the counselor this story. The shoes I wore that day, I had to throw them out soon after-I couldn’t look at them. At the time, it didn’t seem that I hurt him very much (He got right up). But I sometimes imagine that maybe it was worse than I remember. I think of that movie “Short Cuts” where the little boy died after Lilly Tomlin hit him with her car and she goes on with her life oblivious…I wonder where that kid is now. This is the only secret I keep from my husband. It is the only thing in my life I am ashamed of.
Lyn, Brooklyn,NYC/USA
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Everybody makes mistakes…everybody makes a wrong turn……it all gos down to how you turn back and face it……are you willing to accept your own doings? are you willing to face your own wrongs….believe that as long truly accept these only den you will be accepted by others…..be it people around you, the boy whom you hurt before, the religion that you prayed to seek forgivness in….. be brave, have the courage to face and accept it only then you will be forgiven.
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:17 pm
He asked for it.
It’s a lesson in discipline.
But do seek counseling, you might blow up in front of an innocent person.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Let it go.
SERIOUSLY.
It’s ok.
There is nothing wrong.
April 24th, 2008 at 8:30 am
lyn,
as someone who’s been that teenage boy, i went on with my life too. once i accosted an older guy in a parking lot just because he looked at me funny. i never thought he’d do anything but he wound up chasing me around a bunch of cars while threatening me. it scared me. a lot. and while i never forgot it, it was more a life lesson for me then anything humiliating. i stopped doing that sort of thing.
you probably did that kid a favor. and if he remembers you, he’ll remember the mistake that he made rather than the mistake you think you made. it’s probably good to feel remorseful about what you did, but don’t let it torture you. he’s probably moved on from it a better person. i hope this helps.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Good for you sister friend!!! Serves the little punk right, maybe if his parents were at home beating his ass he wouldn’t be feeling the need to be a wanna be hoodlum! HIGH FIVE!!! who knows maybe you turned out to be a God send….maybe after his beating he decided it was time to turn his life around. Everything happens for a reason.
April 24th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
If keeping this secret hidden is eating you up inside, then let the secret out. Tell your therapist or a counselor or even your husband… it should make you feel better.
And the kid probably did learn a lot from acting that way … you probably set him on a better path and stopped him from acting so horrible to others. Kudos.
April 26th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
How often I’ve seriously considered doing the very same thing. I’m glad to hear your story about it and how it affected you afterwards. I’m glad to hear that someone else - a fundamentally good person like yourself, went ahead and did it, that there’s nothing freakish about my own feelings. It’s a lesson to me that having the urge, even doing it, isn’t the best solution. I will remember your regret next time I have the urge and it will calm me. I hope that the good you’ve done by passing on this lesson to me (and all of us) can give you some peace.
April 26th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
The kid has his own path to walk, and you will have to trust him to walk it as best as he can without any further interaction from you.
I think what is eating you, though, is your disproportionate vigilantism. Throwing an apple at your car can only hurt two things: your ego and your property. Physically beating him up targets his body. There is a basic injustice in that. In most Western moral systems, the proper way to compensate property damage is money. The boy or his parents should have to pay for any damage he caused.
People can say he deserved it. People can say it was his punishment. Or his lesson. I do not think you believe so, not if you find yourself wondering if you hurt him more than it seemed at the time.
You might feel better by “paying it forward.” Maybe volunteer to help guide a youth of similar age. It could be very healing to “do it right” when interacting with another boy at risk of vandalism or property crime.
April 28th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Tell your husband, it will be very freeing for you
April 29th, 2008 at 9:08 am
R U INSANE? I WAS THE ONE THAT YOU HIT WITHOUT MERCY !!!
ok I´m just kiddin w/ you, girl
well, what can I say…just forget about that, cuz you cannot change the past!
but I am certain that he is not doing something like that for a looooong time you see?
April 30th, 2008 at 6:05 am
imagine being that kid thinking he can get away with doing things to innocent people bit instead, getting a big and very important and valuable surprise. since you didn’t injure him permanently, you did him and everyone else who he’ll come across in the future, a big favor. you gave a much needed spanking that society would have taught him in a much bigger way down the line anyway. maybe he’ll be less inclined to hurt people or destroy property now.
i agree with That Robbie Guy. MOVE ON.
May 8th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Everyone is telling you that you did a good thing.
Whether you did or not — it won’t make your guilt go away. You don’t feel shame b/c you retaliated - you feel shame because your anger roared up inside of you and took control.
Sweetheart - you are loved and you are precious even in your weakness.
Tell your husband what happened.
Confession heals.
May 24th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
i don’t think you did a good thing
i thimk it was wrong
it seems you agree
but don’t forget you are human babe, not perfect, regardless of what the boy involved “learned” from this experience, you learnt a lot. remember the lesson, but forgive yourself.
September 4th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
I agree with prehistoricpurple. You won’t be able to forget, it was wrong. It sounds so bizarre, so irration, I can’ t help but think it stems from another psychological problem. I’m so glad your getting counselling.
Just remember God is there. He wants to help you, and he loves you, all of us, regardless of the terrible things we all have done. He knows your hurting and it breaks his heart.
Honey, I wish you all the best. Learn, forgive, love, don’t stop fighting for the happiness you deserve, what God wants for you.