Dear God,
I don’t really know where to start, or which category this is meant to fit into. I haven’t prayed in ages and I don’t know how to do it properly anymore, I feel like I’m talking to myself.
I’m confused - about everything. I used to believe in you, and then you didn’t answer for a whole year and it felt like you weren’t there. So I stopped trying. And now you’re still not there, but at the same time I sort of still believe. I think you’re out there, somewhere. But every time I go to church or think about Christianity, I think it’s more and more whacked up. You created the world so how can u destroy those that don’t believe? In the end we are all lost and confused and searching for answers - is that a crime worth punishing?
Christianity used to be the answer to all my problems - it used to be the fairytale ending to a miserable life; the hope and light in the darkness. Now it just doesn’t make sense to me anymore and I’m searching for a better fairytale ending, an ending that doesn’t involve anyone at all dying or suffering eternally. If Christianity really is the truth then it seems like it isn’t good enough - seems as if you tried your hardest to save everyone but couldn’t, so “that’s life” and we just have to deal with it. What’s your excuse - what’s the great reason behind it all? Is that the way it’s just meant to be, or will you end up saving everyone, somehow?
I feel like nothing’s really happening in my life, it’s just standing still. And that scares me because I think something big and awful may happen soon, it always does.
I wish I could believe like I used to. I wish I could push my doubts aside and sincerely believe in you and love you like I used to. It’s weird where I am, I don’t really get it. The concept of religion, and life and everything else almost scares me. It’s like I’m going crazy. What’s the meaning? Why are we here? How can I escape without dying and going to hell?
I feel trapped. I just want to breathe again. I’m only 16 and people think I’m just going through teenage life when I try to explain my problems. I hate it. I just want to be happy again and experience real joy and meaning (like I used to) but maybe religion is not the answer - maybe it really is the “opium of the people”?
All my friends have really screwed up lives and I don’t know whether being friends with them has screwed up mine.
I don’t think I’m christian anymore, but I don’t want to say for certain because it scares me and ’cause I’ve only admitted it to a couple of friends going through the same thing. I’m lonely and depressed - help?!
P.S. Sorry for the rant, now that I read over it it sounds like a whole lot of self-talk psychobabble…
Amy, QLD/Australia
May 16th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
first dont worry about ranting… i think thats the hardest thing in life we have all these thoughts and we can’t convey them and so we are led to believe that no ones else feels that way… which just makes us question everything. i know i have no moral right or infact obligation to comment on your life and how you should be living it. i dont know what you’re searching for and what you hope to achieve. i dont think there is any real answer to anything in life. sometimes we find things out that clear something up in the slightest way; but thats about all we can get. i think they only thing you can do in life is be happy; you cant be afraid or sad or worried. go on searching for the answers but if you dont find them and you lose faith at least you’ve had a happy life behind you. surrounded urself with people that care and things that make you smile. also i think we spend alot of time looking for answers other people out there are giving.. make ur own.. find what YOU want to believe in…
btw im only 14
May 17th, 2008 at 4:19 am
Agreed with Emilie:
Spirituality is a personal thing. At least for myself, I could never relate to one single religion, but agree with parts of many (mostly the be kind to others and yourself types of things).
The God I know is not from the Bible, not from Buddhist teachings, not from the Koran, and not from the Latter Day Saints pamphlets. The God I know is in me, around me, and in everything I see. In nature, in cities, in other people, in the universe, and in that unexplainable spot that I find comfort in.
It is a journey to be spiritual. Peace in your journey.
May 17th, 2008 at 6:31 am
My friend I know exactly what you mean… Is there a God? and if there is, is he pissed at me for asking? And what would my Christian family think about me if I told them I am questioning what they base everything on? I had some very bad things happen in my life, four of my friends died a year apart from when I was 16 to 20. I remember I was in college and my professor asked me is their a God? And I remember thinking I don’t know? This was scary because I was a Christian. But after some serious crying and anger I remember coming up with two alternatives, either there is not God and therefore no meaning to anything. Or there is a God and I need to find out who he or she was. If I am being honest the idea of there being no God scared the piss out of me… But then I realized I was asking a very simple yet profound question, “Is there more.” And I knew there had to be more. Then as I really examined the Bible and the Christian faith for what Jesus intended it to be, and not what Americans have made it, I realized something very quickly. There is nothing in world like. Where in any other religion can you find a God that loves his creation so much that He sent his only Son to die for there wholeness, when they didn’t deserve it. My friend that best thing I can say is the Christ died for your wholeness, and he desperately wants you to find it.
I hope this has been helpful.
Grace and Peace My friend
BTW I’m only 24
May 17th, 2008 at 7:40 am
I’m seventeen. I know where you’re at. I’m in no position to explain God or religion to you, or how you should live or believe… but i’ve found that God isn’t religion.
Instead of following rules bound by a set religion, study God’s word; what he meant for you to hear and know. I thought, for a really long time, that He didn’t exist. Because when I prayed to God and begged him to answer me or show himself, help me in some way… he didn’t. But that’s simply because I wasn’t looking around me. Look around you. Everything that you’ve been through, you’ve become a new person out of the experience. You’re seeking Him now, maybe that’s what he intended to do. Seeing isn’t always believing.
I’m sorry if this sounds preachy or forceful, I promise you it’s not intended that way. I understand your questions, I’ve asked them myself.
So how’s this (how I would answer your questions): We already have a set plan, designed by God. It’s incredibly comforting once we realize that a lot of what happens is out of our hands. We make our own choices here, yes. But who’s to say we weren’t supposed to make them, right or wrong. All God asks of us is to believe. Believe in him, believe in his son. It’s rather simple, actually.
Who knows what the great reason is. Maybe that’s what we’re here to learn and find out.
And I hope that you know, you are never alone.
May 18th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Amy! You should not feel guilty about thinking for yourself!
The way I see it, God would not have given us reason and rationality if he didn’t want us to use it. So why NOT venture outside the religion you grew up with? Go ahead! Spend some time thinking about those questions you have about why we are here and where we are going. Look around you, look inside your heart, maybe read about other people’s thoughts on the topic. See what rings true with your heart, and believe in that. You don’t have to label it with “christianity” or any other name if you don’t want to. Name it Amyism if you want. Names are nothing. Make up your own set of beliefs — there is no need to swallow somebody else’s.
It’s perfectly possible to be spiritual without being religious. You can believe in God without having to believe in what other people say/think about him.
You have your whole life to think about this stuff, there is no pressure to figure it all out now. Use the mind God gave you, follow your heart, and if it leads you back to Christianity that’s fine…but if not, that’s okay too! There are so many religions out there, all saying different things about what God is like and what he wants from us. They can’t all be right. Maybe none of them are. Believe what’s in your heart. God will help you get where you need to be, even if you don’t know it. He’s probably even proud of you for trying, not angry. Don’t let anyone tell you that.
I don’t like telling people what to do or believe. Please don’t think that is what I am doing here. I just think I know where you’re coming from because I’ve been there…and I hope my insight can help encourage you somewhat. Good luck!
May 20th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
I still believe that you are a christian, because of the fact that you have believed before, and you also are questioning God…
I recomend velvet elvis by rob bell, or any of his noomas, or podcasts…know you are in my thoughts and prayers..
I hope you find what you are looking for…He’s still right there…
May 27th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Hey Amy, you dont need to be confused.. God’s doesnt do everything what we asked for. you must seek Him with faith not seeing is believing, but believing is seeing. Seek and you shall find, Knock and it will be open to you. Seek him first the Kingdom of God and all things shall be added unto you. (Your desires, Your worries, Your anxiety everything). Life is like a trial and tribulation.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Everything the people have said before me is so true. But im going to help you with everything that you have stated…
At my church last week we had a service on prayer. And how you may feel like God isnt answering your prayers. To be honest, and i say this out of love as a Christian- it is not God that is stopping your prayers from being answered. It is your heart and your faith. Having sin in our life seperates us from God- stopping our prayers from being answered. It may be a one off sin or continuous. But it is all the same level. It holds you away from God. Ask God to forgive any sin (whether you know you have sinned or not). And truely believe in your heart that He has taken it from you. Secondly, our heart and the way we are asking for things can stop our prayers from being answered. Pray for God’s will to be done, not your own. Then having faith that it will be answered if it is GOD’S WILL is important. Nothing is impossible for God. Lastly, Persistance. The man who preached this told us that he had been so far away from God. Doing drugs and not living a good life. But for 17 years his grandparents prayed that he would find God. And he did. Dont give up hope that God will answer your prayers!!
It is not God that is going to destroy all the people that don’t believe in him. It is Satan! God loves us so much that he gave us free choice. Ever since Adam and Eve he had given us free choice. He could have not put the tree in the Garden of Eden in the first place. But he loved us enough to give us choice and responsibility. Its like how you dont like it when your parents control your life and dont let you do things. Imagine how much we wouldnt like it if God controlled everything we did, said and thought!!
As for feeling like Christianity isnt good enough.. It is only as good as you make it. You can have belief in God, but nothing comes from it if you dont do anything about it. Reading God’s word, serving, and worshiping God with your whole life is what “releases” the good feelings from it. Of course you get those feelings when you first become a Christian. But when you truely start acting it.. they grow so much more! And God only has saved everyone that has accepted it. Like lending your hand to a friend in need. It only takes effect if they accept your hand. It just comes back to free choice.
Saying you wish you could believe like you used to and love God like you used to shows that you still have faith. Connecting with other Christians and surrounding yourself with other people that will love you like a sister will help you get back on track. Going to youth, and church, and reading your Bible, and worshiping. They all help. Trust me! I have just gone through the 3 hardest years of my life. And I know that the only thing that has kept me going is having faith in God. Even just the smallest amount.
Teenage years are hard. I know for me im only just feeling the start of it.. being 14. But i have so many teenage friends that have had hard times. And i cant garuntee that being a Christian will take away all your troubles. It could even make them harder. But i know that in the long run.. it will be worth it. If you are looking for something that takes away your pain, trouble, hurt, sadness, and guilt- then i am afraid you will never find it. But if you look to God and the love he has for you- just thinking about the tremedous love that a God that BIG- bigger than all your problems- can give to you. It gives you true happiness….
God is faithful to you.
And faithfullness= love that never fails.
God bless and I hope this helps
xox
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:09 am
“Religion” is never the asnwer! God wants a personal relationship with each one of us. f we make time for God every day, and wait on Him, He will talk to us, if we really want Him to. His desire is for you to live a blessed life and that happens if you have Jesus in your heart and God in your life. he is holy & righteous so he cannot tolerate sin, sin of any kind.. He asks us to trust His Son, Jesus as our Lord & Savior & He promised us that if we do, we will be given eternal life. When you hear nothing from God & when you see nothing happening in your life, that is when God is at work; He asks that you wait on Him as He works things out in your life. Sometimes God has to get us ready for the things He wants to do in our life & sometimes He has to work in the lives of other people. God hears your prayers & sees every tear you shed. He will answer your prayers in His own way & in His own time….once again….we must trust Him. I assure you, once you do, you will never regret it!
June 29th, 2008 at 3:18 am
Life is hard. The world is full of things that lead us away from God, that confuse and and leave us wondering. Just know that God loves you.
Being a teenager myself i know people label all your worries as teen stuff, and i know that’s often just an excuse.
God doesn’t always answer the way in which you want, but know that he has your best interest at heart.
God bless
July 25th, 2008 at 5:30 am
“..you didn’t answer for a whole year and it felt like you weren’t there. So I stopped trying..”.
“…Christianity used to be the answer to all my problems”.
“…You created the world so how can u destroy those that don’t believe?”.
STOP making God the person you want Him to be.
STOP searching for a religion. Religion has rules.
“..I wish I could believe like I used to.”
Well dont. Stop making a psychological therapy out of you relation with God. You just want to feel good and safe.
Start discovering the real God, the real life…
April 14th, 2009 at 3:14 am
Assalamualaikum
how u heard about islam??learn about it and become a muslim inshallah no faults there!
islam is not a fake religion
think of it as a renewed version of christianity and judaism, (those 2 religions wer tru at the time but the words and messages got distorted) however islam is true till this day, the quran read that its never beeen changes never will be
the quran words are the same as 1000 years ago thats a miracle in itself.
believe in Allah s.w.t
we believe in one god, he has no son or partner hes just one.
allah s,w.t
plz learn about islam the only religion that is fully true
September 6th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
reply to hal786:
ala ik um issalama
I think Your prophet got it all wrong and didn’t receive the word of God at all. I do believe his names are used in vain a lot of times. Muhammad is more of a Jin to me than a prophet. Jins wage war. Jins incite war. Jins cry victorious when all holy is defeated.
When thinking peace mind You Qur’an tells us to slay each other untill no infidel is still breathing. I’ll tell You, one day God will come with his angels and stop your madness. Those angels will not be with You and Jibril will be at the side of Allah.. And all religions will become christian (which none of them are) or perish. If looking at early depictions of Jibril he most certainly looks vile and not angel-like at all in islamic versions. If God had no partner nothing fruitfull would exist here. If God had no son no earth would exist.
I might be wrong but killing infidels or yourself and calling it jihad, takkiya or martyrdom doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. Love thy neighbour as You would want him to love You. Stop looking at non muslims as Dhimmi and You might be spared. BTW there are probably no virgins in paradise.
October 29th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Ooh oops i just wrote a long comment and when i hit reply it came up blank! Please tell me it worked right? I dont want to sumit it again if i dont have to! Either the blog bugged out or i am just stuipd, the latter doesnt surprise me lol.