Dear God.
I tried to convince myself you weren’t real. If you were, I definitely wasn’t going to be let into your club. I earnestly asked you into my heart years ago, but apparently I was one of those guys that just didn’t get it. I didn’t fit into the church scene. I was too self-centered and untrusting to really let you in my life. I
hurt inside and tried to mask it with irresponsible risk-taking, drinking, stealing, and sex. I was plagued by my past and the way that I had hurt my family and people who loved me.
As you know, my dad left when I was 8 and didn’t make a big point out of seeing me or knowing me or helping me after that. Then when I got in trouble at age 15 and said I needed him, he let me come and live with him. That only lasted until he saw who I really was. He asked me to leave after 2 years because he didn’t want to deal with me. He didn’t want to be with me because I had too many problems. That was 21 years ago. I was 17 and I felt pretty worthless after that for a long time. I think that’s why I’ve had such a thick head about believing you.
I lived so long as the perpetual bad boy who was out to prove that I was unloveable. I was waiting for you to break me down and punish me for not giving in to your program. I was waiting for you to reveal the real me to the world - the liar, the thief, the hypocrite, and the addict - so I would get what I deserved and my worthlessness would be confirmed.
Then, the other day you showed your fierce, unrelenting love for even me. You showed me through a perfect storm of people, events and a book by Donald Miller. I cried like a baby for the first time in years. I felt clean and loved. I understand you a little better. I know you are not in the business of breaking me down into submission because you are the mighty creator. Instead you are my greatest help, my friend, my rock and my provider. You made a place for me and want me with you forever. That is everything to me today. Thank you.
Love,
Chris, Florida, USAShare:
April 21st, 2008 at 2:28 am
This is so wonderful.
Thanks to the encouragement.
April 21st, 2008 at 7:07 am
I don’t know you. But I will keep you in prayer. It’s beautiful to me that you have found this, and you understand it.
God bless you.
April 21st, 2008 at 7:43 am
thanks
April 21st, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Chris, this is absolutely beautiful. What a testimony, what an encouragement. May your fervor for God not just be a matter of the moment, and that you will persevere in your faith even when the going gets rough. Continue to seek after God and understand His Word, and it will be an unfailing guide to you for the years to come.
My prayers are with you. For your life and testimony, I thank God! =)
April 21st, 2008 at 5:35 pm
keep going this an encouragement to most of us it is an assurance of God’s love for everyone rather than for some of us as we often think when we going through a rough patch
April 21st, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Chris, hang in there!
Thank you for sharing your prayer — it’s very beautiful. I have my days of doubting as well, and everytime I do that, there’s always something to remind me that there’s “Somebody” who’s sustaining me, strengthening me - a Friend, a Teacher, and a Saviour.
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:00 am
Wow, praise God. He’s so good!
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:43 am
I just busted a tear duct over here. This is true of my life as well. He always has a plan - even when we can’t it. Catch up with you in Heaven someday, man.
April 24th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
WOW what an amazing testimony. Thank you so much. You’ve encouraged me with your testimony!!
April 30th, 2008 at 5:13 am
you just made my freakin day. thanks.
June 3rd, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Chris,
Was it Blue Like Jazz?– I cried like a baby too that book!
Thanks for being a light.