Dear God,
I was a pastor for 23 years. It killed me. I am not sure I was every called to it. As you know, the overwhelming numbness finally caved in all around me. Now, I am on the outside of the church looking in and I don’t like what I see. Why do we have to be fake to be a Christian or part of a church? How did we buy the lie that showing up occasionally was the same as a relationship with you? Now that I am not a pastor, people are honest with me. I had no idea how hard life was for so many people because when they came on my “turf” they pretended just as much as I did. I feel hope inside God. Now, without the job I feel like you let me go through everything to understand pain. I want to do what I can, but I feel like a failure every day. Can you still use me? Brian, USA/OhioShare:
July 18th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbour as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.
July 19th, 2008 at 1:28 am
hey brian,
Don’t give up the fight,
Know this, that yes some churches and Christians put on a show, and do not fulfill what God intended for them but don’t loose hope in the church or fellow Christians because this is not how they all are.
Just because you no longer have a pastoral position any more, doesn’t mean your ministry is over. God can always use you, you never have to be “good enough” for God to instruct you or make you apart of his plan. I guess basically what I want you to get from this is, yes it is a shame that people never told you how their life is really going, but now that they are, so help them out. Continue your ministry, with out the title, and start helping the people God puts in front of you.
Also I encourage you to be really honest with God when you talk to him, Just as david in psalms would come to God with everything that was on his mind, bad and good, thankful and un-thankful, happy and angry. God is your father, and He wants to hear your concerns, plus its really freeing to be 100% honest with someone you can really trust.
July 19th, 2008 at 5:33 am
Brian, sometimes helping people from the most unlikely, stale settings will be the most rewarding. Gee oh dee knows everything, EVERYTHING. If you make yourself happy from the innermost place, you are making gee oh dee happy. Give awesome love.
July 20th, 2008 at 2:44 am
hi dear…
Yes God still using u..every minute,hour n day… u might feel confuse… but please believe that someone already awaken because of you.. Thank you.. for ur streght n courage.. Gbu…
July 21st, 2008 at 1:57 am
Hi Brian,
Yes! God can still use you. I would like to encourage you to spend time in God,s presence you don’t have to do anything just be .
You’ll learn to hear the voice of God, the way He speaks to you. God will lead you!
Agape
from a fellow believer
July 21st, 2008 at 9:35 am
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July 22nd, 2008 at 3:07 am
Brian in Ohio,
Sorry for your loss. The call to serve as Pastor can last one day, twenty three years, more or less days or breath in your lungs. If the call of being a pastor didn’t allow for you to be “you” then may you find healing in discovering self and strength for forgiving yourself too.
Not easy for Pastors to forgive self when the “expectations” are so high, expectations that pastors put on self and others, and members put on pastors.
The call to serve as pastor still may exist but not until you find rest in God, not until you find your treasure and in finding your treasure find your self, the call to ministry is secondary. I know you still have bills to pay. Don’t give up. Again, sorry for your loss, I know it is very difficult to be on the outside of the church looking in when you know you can be a pastor and being a pastor is all you know how to do. Sorry for you loss. I am praying for you and all pastors who struggle with their call. Maybe I didn’t catch everything in your prayer there but I hope this comes as a blessing and not as a poke.
Peace,
Pastor Jeff M. Otterman
Belle Fourche, SD
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:04 pm
I came across this blog the other day and you got some great info here - thanks.
July 25th, 2008 at 5:08 am
You know, this way you dont have to pay “taxes” anymore.
July 28th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Brian,
That was awesome! God is still using you, he needed you to see what was real. As painful as it might have been, God never left you and he might just want you to preach what is “real”! I live in ohio also, if you start a real church i’ll come to it!
August 2nd, 2008 at 9:13 am
[…] very short reflection by a former pastor at Dear God raises an interesting, and slightly worrisome, issue: Now, I am on the outside of the […]
August 3rd, 2008 at 12:08 am
Are you fake around your pastor?…
Check out this quote.
Dear God,
I was a pastor for 23 years. It killed me. I am not sure I was every called to it. As you know, the overwhelming numbness finally caved in all around me. Now, I am on the outside of the church looking in and I don’t l…
August 6th, 2008 at 8:50 am
You must have gone through immense pressure and agony. You remind me of the Pastor in The Scarlet Letter. It’s amazing that you are finally discovering how to have a real relationship with God instead of what the phony pharisees went through. You will be blessed with peace and joy once you know the true Lord Jesus Christ. God bless you!
August 12th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!
August 28th, 2008 at 1:08 am
i try real hard to be a good christian but I feel like God has left me. I am in a terrible situation right now. we have no work. my cars are fixing to be repoed my house is fixing to go into forclosure and no money is coming in. we are self employeed. i have applyed for jobs with no luck. i have 3 kids who dont understand what is going on. we have gone from a high class living to poverty in a very short time. i fell like that now that i need god to bless me the most he has left me. last night i was going to write letters in everyone in my family and tell them how much i loved them and explain my world to them and everything they need to know with out me. like how to pay bills, how to take their medicine how to care of the dog, to do good in school and get an education and then i was going to kill myself but thne i realized i cant even do that. i havent been able to pay my life insurance so that would leave my family in even worse condition than it is now, i cant even wreck my car by accident and die because my car insurance has been cancled. i cant afford to live and i can afford to die. i go to mass, i pray, i used to give to the needy,i helped every single person that i could. i gave customers breaks that i knew couldnt pay and now i feel like god has forgotten about me and my family. i know i am supposed to keep the faith but how can you when you feel like he has abandond you?
October 22nd, 2008 at 9:03 am
Interesting post, i bookmarked your blog, greetings