Dear God,
I don’t know where to start. I feel so lost, destroyed and hopeless. After 18 years, my husband left me and my two children. I give you thanks because at least he tries to be in their lives as much as possible. But, dear Lord, I’m hurting so badly. I miss my husband …his friendship, his companionship, his sense of humor and his love for family. I know I really messed up my marriage with my attitude, anger, jealousy and my depression; but dear Lord, I’m sorry…I am truly sorry. Please touch my husband’s heart and soul that he come back home to his family and me. I’ve asked for his forgiveness and asked him to come back. He can’t seem to forgive me and I don’t blame him. I’m sorry dear Lord…I’m sorry.
Irene Sanchez, Riverside, CA USAShare:
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Dear Irene,
It is difficult to give advice from the outside - not really knowing all the facts. If you say that you messed up your marriage with your attitude, anger, jealousy and depression the best way to get your husband back is to change these things. It is important to get help and change yourself in these aspect and it will prove to your husband that you are really serious with wanting him back.
If you get help things will become better - no matter whether your husband return to the family or not.
Wish you the best,
Kerstin
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:08 am
Dear Irene,
Only you God and your husband really know the truth. When children are involved you need only to look around and see the total destruction of what happens to family’s that have been broken up. Its really not about you, its all about your children. You need to keep praying and to beg, crawl, plead or what ever it takes to ask your husband to come back to you and the children. You need to change and pray to God that your husband will have a change of heart as well so the both of you who created two little ones lives can be protected from the evil that awaits them.
Peace
October 4th, 2008 at 1:52 am
my daddy left me when i was 14…
i thought it was because something i did… but today, i’m 24 and i see that it was nothing I did… it was what he wanted…
I’m back on my feet… kinda crippled but still..walking…
u should walk too!
God bless you!
October 4th, 2008 at 6:47 am
honestly,i feel so ignored,so insignificant,so abandoned.
October 5th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Confronting oneself in aloneness is fearful and it is painful, and one has to suffer it. Nothing should be done to avoid it, nothing should be done to divert the mind and nothing should be done to escape from it. One has to suffer it and go through it. This suffering and this pain is just a good sign that you are near a new birth, because every birth is preceded by pain. It cannot be avoided and it should not be avoided because it is part of your growth.
But why is this pain there?
This should be understood because understanding will help you to go through it, and if you go through it knowingly you will come out of it more easily and sooner.
Why is there pain when you are alone? The first thing is that your ego gets ill. Your ego can exist only with others. It has grown in relationship, it cannot exist alone. So if the situation is one in which it can exist no more, it feels suffocated; it feels just on the verge of death. This is the deepest suffering. You feel as if you are dying. But it is not you who is dying, only the ego, which you have taken to be yourself, with which you have become identified. It cannot exist because it has been given to you by others. It is a contribution. When you leave others you cannot carry it with you.
So in aloneness all that you know about yourself will fall; by and by it will disappear. You can prolong your ego for a certain period — and that too you will have to do through imagination — but you cannot prolong it for long. Without society you are uprooted; the soil is not there from where to get food. This is the basic pain.
You are no longer sure who you are: you are just a dispersing personality, a dissolving personality. But this is good, because unless this false you disappears the real cannot emerge. Unless you are completely washed and become clean again the real cannot emerge.
This false you is occupying the throne. It must be dethroned. By living in solitude all that is false can go. And all that is given by society is false. Really, all that is given is false; all that is born with you is real. All that is you by yourself, not contributed by someone else, is real, authentic. But the false must go and the false is a great investment. You have invested so much in it; you have been looking after it so much; all your hopes hang on it. So when it starts dissolving you will feel fearful, afraid and trembling: “What are you doing to yourself? You are destroying your whole life, the whole structure.”
There will be fear. But you have to go through this fear; only then will you become fearless. I don’t say you will become brave, no. I say you will become fearless.
Bravery is just part of fear. Howsoever brave you are, the fear is hidden behind. I say “fearless.” You will not be brave; there is no need to be brave when there is no fear. Both bravery and fear become irrelevant. They are aspects of the same coin. So your brave men are nothing but you standing on your head. Your bravery is hidden within you and your fear is on the surface; their fear is hidden within and their bravery is on the surface. So when you are alone you are very brave. When you think about something you are very brave, but when a real situation comes you are fearful.
One becomes fearless only when one has gone through the deepest fear of all — that is the dissolving of the ego, the dissolving of the image and the dissolving of the personality.
This is death because you don’t know if a new life is going to emerge from it. During the process you will know only death. Only when you are dead as you are, as the false entity, only then will you know that death was just a door to immortality. But that will be at the end; during the process you are simply dying.
Everything that you cherished so much is being taken away from you — your personality, your ideas, all that you thought was beautiful. All is leaving you. You are being denuded. All the roles and robes are being taken away. In the process fear will be there, but this fear is basic, necessary and inevitable — one has to pass through it. You should understand it but don’t try to avoid it, don’t try to escape from it because every escape will bring you back again. You will move back into the personality.
Those who go into deep silence and solitude, they always ask me, “There will be fear, so what to do?” I tell them not to do anything, just to live the fear.
If trembling comes, tremble. Why prevent it? If an inner fear is there and you are shaking with it, shake with it. Don’t do anything. Allow it to happen. It will go by itself. If you avoid it …and you can avoid it. You can start chanting “Ram, Ram, Ram”; you can cling to a mantra so that your mind is diverted. You will be pacified and the fear will not be there; you have pushed it into the unconscious. It was coming out — which was good, you were going to be free from it — it was leaving you and when it leaves you, you will tremble.
That is natural because from every cell of the body and of the mind, some energy that has always been there pushed down is leaving. There will be a shaking and a trembling; it will be just like an earthquake. The whole soul will be disturbed by it. But let it be. Don’t do anything. That is my advice. Don’t even chant. Don’t try to do anything with it because all that you can do will again be suppression. Just by allowing it to be, by letting it be, it will leave you — and when it has left, you will be altogether a different man.
October 6th, 2008 at 5:45 am
I’ve heard some goody things about this blog. The content has really been useful a great balance of text and pictures.
October 6th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Dear Irene,
I can tell you when you talk to God with all your heart, and honestly, He will hear you. Talk with him as much as you can, tell him all you fell, and all you think (He already knows, but appreciatte when you do so)……ask him for forgiveness (Of you think you have to)….and start forviging yourself….and forgiving your housband. I do not know your problems, but as my experience can say, these simple advises may help you…..good luck.
Dear Cielo,
Is there anyone like you in the world??….do you know that your DNA is unique???….God expended his time and power making of you an special and unique person in the world. Nobody was like you, nobody is like you, and nobody will like you never. Do not forget that in your darknest moments. Maybe some people around you do noy see it, but it does not mean you are not. Regards…and God bless you.
JORGE
October 9th, 2008 at 5:54 am
irene,
my heart breaks for you. i am so sorry that you are in this chapter of your life.
i’m sorry that this stuff hurts so badly. so deep.
like the others, i don’t know your circumstances, and i don’t want to trivialize your situation, nor do i want to guarantee you that “fixing” things will bring your marriage back. but know that God weeps with you. When you are depressed and feel alone, God is sitting beside you mourning your loss with you. And in that, I pray you find some peace. Maybe not the peace you want, but at least know that peace is there for you.
In the words of Robbie Seay, “keep on dreaming of the day when it all will change, believe in the end Love wins.”
You’re in my prayers.
October 10th, 2008 at 1:02 am
The best way to get him to come back is to show him a happy home. Stop begging stop crying and being depressesd (easy for me to say). When he sees what he’s always wanted then he’ll return. And if not you will have a happy home without him it is possible.
October 10th, 2008 at 4:51 am
dear irene,
i am in the same situation as you do right now… the different is, he’s still only my boyfriend…. from the first time in my life, i believe that i found someone who will be the father of my children… but something came up, i’ve made mistake, i snap and i hurt his pride… he’s already gave me warnings, but i ignored him…. and suddenly he left me…. i guess regretion always comes late…. but better late than never… it’s been 5 month, and i’m still praying in tears… that gulty feelings, thats what makes me cry everyday…. we still care about each other, but i don’t know why, he seems cannot forget how i hurt him…. but deep in my heart, i know that God will bring him back… my heart tells me so… and i know there is nothing impossible in Jesus….
so irene, just pray… and believe, that someday God will bring your husband back…. we don’t have the power to change someone, but He can…. the Holy Spirit will touch your husband heart, and he will come home with you and your children…
October 20th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
TALK WITH YOU EVERY MOMENT YO NEED, USE WORDS THAT GIVE YOU HOPE, HAPINESS AND FUN, BECAUSE WORDS HAVE A LOOT OF NUTRITION FACTS THAT GIVE YOU LIFE
November 8th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Dear Irene,
I live in Antigo, WI & I have a Friend Jim Zimmerman who is looking for Irene Sanchez from Riverside CA ,She is the love of his life. They were in the Navy together in the 90’s She was born in 1971, if this is you or you know how to contact her please contact me at gynene2002@yahoo.com.
November 10th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Irene, sweet, sweet lady . . . its NOT YOUR FAULT! Truly! C’mon. You gave him children, which is what all men want in the world . . . pass along the family name, if you will. Sis, guys just don’t get it. Men have been placed on the face of our earth to procreate, and us girls are left alone to raise the brood. You know what? You’re a good lady, raising your kids, and you don’t need such a weak man in your life. I know . . . this is not what you want to hear. But Irene, you can move forward, find another GREAT father for your kids, someone that will honor and love you, and love your kids. That other guy . . . he’s the one that lost out!
I love you and your kids. You are a wonderful WOMAN and MOTHER, and I think you’re fabulous!
November 17th, 2008 at 12:36 am
Hi
I am in the same position as u. My husband did the same. I know your pain and grief. I am so sorry. I pray every day that he will realise I am a good person. We are all selfish and like u I had a jealous nature and depressive streak. Have u ever asked yourself why? I agree with the previous post whole heartedly. He is the one that is being selfish. So you were jealous and depressed. In a marriage that should be worked on. I see a counsellor now who has told me I am not at fault and my husband deflected all his attitudes on me.
I pray to God and do feel his presence. Every evening I listen to music and feel His presence near me. It gives me comfort and I know he will never let me down. It is hard and the pain is unbearable but if it wasnt for God I don’t know what I would do. I believe there is a reason for everything. God has a plan for you because he loves you. You deserve better as do I. Yes I still love my husband and cry all the time. My 3 children are hurting too and I find watching families together painful. ,Men are selfish and immature- especially in their 40’s. I too was married for 18 yrs. I have lost all my dreams and my trust for the man I thought loved me has gone. God will never fail you. Keep praying and crying. God is with u even in the darkest moments of your life. Take care. I am so sorry for you. Love Kitty.