Dear God, I beg you for strength now… I pray to you for guidance in a life that truly needs it. I’m messed up… and I need some help. My friends see the strength and power that I portray in every aspect of my life. They see the tough guy, the competitor, the athlete, the leader, and the student. All I really am is a kid desperate for a hug and for the joy of holding a girls hand again. All I’ve ever tried to be for my family is a hero. A 16-year-old mature beyond his years (or so I’m told) that puts on more of an act at reunions than anything else. My parents are always counting on me to get them praise from the rest of the family. Is it really my job to outshine my cousins, or can I just appreciate their accomplishments as well?
I go to a school based heavily around military leadership. I have rank, I have positions, I have guys under me counting on me to stay strong for their benefit, but who’s staying strong for me?
This is why I need you God. Isn’t this why we have faith? Please help me find the strength and security I need to survive.
Brandon, Washington/USAShare:
April 19th, 2008 at 3:11 am
I am praying with you and for you
April 19th, 2008 at 5:44 am
Hi
I just wanted to say that I understand what you are feeling right, I have felt the same. I dont know your parents but maybe they are just being so proud of you and there for they cant help themself saying all the good things about you. Why should you even have to think about outshining your cousins? Think of it like this they are them, and they have their own quality. You are you and have your own qualitys. Try to see the good qualitys that you have, write down what you think are good about you, and be proud of who you are. See your cousins for whom they are and the good there is in them.
I have a tip when you feel that you are a mess. Just give up for a while. Stop struggeling and do something else, do things that strengthen you on the inside. Another tip, everytime you feel that you have to be strong but you just don’t feel like you have the strength give all your problems to God. Just give them away. Say or think here God here are my problems I don’t have the energy to carry them any more. You can take them and I will focus on something that makes me happy and feels good instead.
I hope it can give you some strength - acctually the thing with strength is that when you feel good - you will feel strong so start with feeling good and than strong, it will come buy it self - just give yourself some time to built up your feeling good. It is okey to feel weak sometimes to as well even for you that’s how we grow and develop as humans.
April 19th, 2008 at 9:26 am
You are so young to be feeling so much pressure Brandon… The only person you need to be strong for is yourself at this point in your life. Based on what you’ve written, you are already strong and capable and it takes a lot of courage to come here and speak from your heart. You are a survivor and you will be OK. Trust in that and let it flow.
Find a place you can go to to relax. Sit under a tree. Listen to the wind. Breathe. You will find your answers within and when your ready, perhaps you could talk about it with your parents. I’m sure they love you very much and they would love to know how you’re feeling.
And hey; you’re 16… go see a funny movie, ask a nice girl out, or just go and do something fun that will energize you and make you feel happy this weekend. It’s good to be serious and dedicated to your responsibilities, but life is also about balance.
I’m a mom. My son is young still but I want to thank you for reminding me how important it is to listen and support him as he makes his way through life. Consider yourself hugged…. Sending positive thoughts and energy to you.
April 19th, 2008 at 9:47 am
I empathize and my heart goes out to you. Our God is mighty yet he chooses small signs to teach us. Listen patiently and attentively for His answer, and you will find what you are looking for.
April 19th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
You and I are the same age, and I know so well what it’s like to live under pressure. It’s hard and it’s difficult and it sucks, and sometimes adults forget how genuinley difficult it is to have so much expectation set on your shoulders. But in the end, if you’re unhappy, you’re the one who has to deal with those consequences, not everyone else, so do what makes you content. I know dissapointment is hard to deal with, but in the end I think your parents would rather have you be genuinley happy than messed up and holding on by just a string. Sometimes it takes them a while to figure that out, but they hopefully will. And if parents and friends and teachers dont think you’re good enough, you know what? They can suck it up, because they have their own life to live and have no right judging yours.
You wont wake up one day with the sudden inspiration to turn your life around, you have to find it yourself, and I really hope you’ll be able to. Dont wait for things to happen and dont judge your life by others’ expectations; take control instead. And remember that you are young, and 16 is almost nothing in the span of a lifetime. Sometimes I feel like there will never be more to life than what I know now, but life changes so quickly that you should never think you will feel the same way forever. Aka, things get better, especially if you set out to make things better.
Take some time for yourself, even if its jut a little each day. Remember how beautiful the world is. Remember there are people who love you now, and remember you have so many people left to meet that will love you too. Laugh and smile as often as you can. Find people how will listen to you, and sometimes even writing your problems down can help. Take deep breaths and remember there’s so much more to life than responsibilities. Be happy, because you only get one life to live.
If I could hug you I would =] I genuinley hope things get better and remember that there’s someone thinking of you.
April 20th, 2008 at 4:38 am
i am 32, i don’t claim to know what you are going through, all i can share is my story. i grew up the oldest son in a family of five kids. i was an award winning athlete, leader in my school, and great student. i was the all american kid that on the inside was dying under all the pressure and expectations of those around. i constantly lived with the fear i was a fake and if anyone knew the real me they would abandon me. i went to college, played football, joined the military, my accomplishments continued, but the fear, the anger, and the need for approval only grew. i grew up in the church and could never reconcile how i felt on the inside with who i was supposed to be on the outside. inside i struggled with depression, anger, and self-destruction while on the outside i took on greater responsibility, sought leadership positions, and became the person everyone around me thought i should be. it has taken me years and i still struggle with the ability to truly discover who i am, what i like, and see myself as someone of value, rather than a big fake that everyone likes because i become what they want rather than love me for who i am. i’ve had to redefine god as someone who created me, loves me and can make me whole, not in an instant, but through my continued reliance on who he is and how he truly sees me. i’ve tried to surround myself with people i can be real with and feel safe with….that’s been hard. i found hope in a situation where i often preferred death than living the double life i created. i’ve had to move beyond the plastic, cliche church and find others who sincerely want to pursue a very real, loving god that transforms life…and somewhere along the way i have hope that my life is being transformed and i can be comfortable being the person god created me to be…
April 20th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
My darling! You’re so brave for acknowledging at your young age what is in fact a weakness in other people. Seeking their glory through you. Don’t give into (any) lesser part of you. Only ever do what you feel right and honourable towards. Know that you’re loved for you, weak or strong.
April 20th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I’ll let you know that you’re not alone in what you’re going through. we are the same age and i’ve identified with everything you’ve just said
April 20th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
You are strong. I read somewhere once (in more than one place, it seems to be a common theme in literature) that the brave aren’t fearless, only they know how to control that fear. The fear for you perhpas is that somehow you are letting the ones that look up to you the most down somehow, that you must be perfect all the time and outshine the stars. While striving to be the best is good, it’s not the purpose of life. The purpose of life is the experience in itself: your triumphs AND your failures. You will learn from them both, and you should not be afraid of either. They WILL happen. Only you can choose how you react to your success and failure. Will you have the courage to help those who achieve less than you, and will you have the strength to accept your weaknesses as valueable lessons for yourself and others around you. Maybe trying to focus on helping others succeed where you have already will bring things into persepctive for you. Good leaders empower others to act according to tried and true experience of those who have succeeded before them. (I know for one, I could probably work on my grammar and spelling lol).
April 21st, 2008 at 1:55 am
Hi Brandon,
There is your answer. You say you ‘act’ brave, you keep up appearances, you try to ‘outshine’ your cousins!! Everything is an ‘act.’
Well Halleulia!! You are not a hero, a know-it-all, a saint!! You are ‘unsure, you have feet of clay, you are confused, you are afriad, you don’t want to pretend.” And you’re 16.
16 year olds don’t have the answer…heck many 61 year olds don’t have the answer either. Don’t look for the answer. It will come to you in due course. Why? Because you are intelligent and life experiences generally bring it about.
Consider this a challenge and welcome it and embrace it. Remember the English proverb “A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.”
In the meantime, don’t focus inwardly. LOOK! Really look around you at others such as your cadet peers and your cousins and see them individually for who they are. Be a true friend to them. Give them ‘genuine’ friendship not just lip service.
You say you’re good at sports et al … well help someone who isn’t. Befriend them.
Do just one good deed a day. Record it. Try to make it a different ‘good deed’ if possible but don’t expect anything in return and see what happens.
Get back on this post in 14 days and give us the results.
Here are some words of wisdom : A happy life consists not in the absence, but in the mastery of hardships. ~ Helen Keller.
And some from the Dalai Lama and I think they are perfect for you.
From the very core of our being, we desire contentment… I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being.
I will be praying for you Brandon and know that God will go with you.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:26 am
Hi Brandon,
This just came in my mailbox and I thought I’d pass it on to you. Perhaps you can take a leaf out of the teacher’s book and print up your own ‘blue ribbons’ and pass them around. Tell the recipients that it’s a research project that you’re evaluating and recording. It will be interesting to see what happens. The challenge will be finding people you genuinely admire.
Good luck
April 22nd, 2008 at 1:35 am
You create your world. If you change your thoughts, you’ll change your world. Everything is a choice - including believing in barriers and limitations. davey
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:46 am
hang in there bud,,, find someone you trust to talk to about your concerns. Its hard work being young, there is a pressure to be all these things that come from parents, friends, school, media… sounds like you are going through a really tough patch….check this link out http://www.reachout.com.au/home.asp the fact that you have posted on this site shows a courage and a determination to get yourself through this. have faith that things will work out, take one day at a time, and focus on your strengths. One day you will get that hug …and it will be sweet.
April 24th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Oops! Sorry! I forgot to attach the link. Here it is and a great big virtual hug to you. All the best Brandon.
To view the “You Make a difference” movie click here: http://www.BlueRibbonMovie.com
June 6th, 2008 at 12:37 am
Let God be your Rock.When you are weak,He is strong.Lean on Him,He will never fail you, just trust in Him(fully).
Ephesians 3:16 says; “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being,”
Stay strong and continue to trust in him.
January 12th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Be strong, Brandon. I’m the same age you are, and I know how it feels to have to be the “over achiever” for your family.
I have a cousin who is a month older than me. All her life, her parents and my grandmother have used me as a kind of measuring-stick. If her friends are mean to her, she has to find friends more like mine. If I join the choir, she should too. I’ve always felt sorry for her, but she doesn’t seem to mind. And now everyone is looking to me, because I’m supposed to be this shining example of a perfect teenager. Gosh, I’m just a normal girl! Ok, I’m good at art and academics, but that doesn’t make me perfect. Yeah, I get that “mature beyond your years” a lot too.
And then one day I decided to break the circle. It’s all in the mind anyway, right? Let them use me to measure her - that’s their mistake. I’ll continue to do what I do to the best of my ability - not for them, but for me and for my God. And I’m happy. Really really happy. I reap the rewards of my efforts, and I don’t have to worry about meeting anyone’s standards. Why don’t you try it?
I may not be able to give you a hug, but I can give you this:
dominiqueviljoen@yahoo.com
My email adress. I’m always here to listen to you, and so is God.
Good luck. I hope things get better for you.
Dominique
March 30th, 2009 at 9:47 am
I just stumbled upon this post and I must say, you have much courage with your situation. I feel the exact same way you do desperate for a hug from a girl, ever since my lady friend died I haven’t been right since. My parents just act as if nothing’s wrong all the time and I’m constantly being compared to what my younger cousin has done which I haven’t by my dad’s sister in law just because she thinks I’m an embarrasment because I have Asperger’s syndrome. I met my lady friend at a singles dance I snuck into last year “she was twenty years older then I am” I’m 22. After she died moving on has been impossible and not the same, especially since it’s so difficult for me to connect with anyone.
My advice would be not to put on the tough guy attitude and don’t even attempt to meet up to anyone else’s expectations for their own expense, you’ll drive yourself crazy if you do. You’ve got quite a burden to bare as it is, you don’t want to make it any worse.
Take care of yourself, Ben