Dear Spirit,
I want to leave my husband. But I can’t find the words. I feel like I’m moving on a different path than he is. I thought we had the same dreams and desires, but I feel like I’m growing away from him. You know he’s been unfaithful, and you know that he lies. And a large part of me is unwilling to forgive such dishonesty. I look at him everyday and think “why was she so special? why did he not care enough to tell me? why did I have to find out the way I did?” I feel like I’m not good enough for him. And I feel like my thoughts and my distrust are ruling the relationship. For my own sanity, I need to leave. For my own peace, I need to change. But help me find the words. I pray that you guide me, to find my own peace and serenity. Then I know I will truly be free.
Amen….
JM - Florida/USA
December 13th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
JM
A few moments of your time here. Back in the years of the 1930’s and the1940’s there was a man who lived overseas who was a plummer by trade , who had no education, a drunk and was very abussive towards his wife. The story goes on to say thatSmith’s wife loved God and she vowed that she would hold out for her husband. At times when Smith was away, she wold kneel and pray for him when he left home after he had beaten her down boh emotionally and physically, yet she would wait on him as any loving wife would do for whom she loves, often she would thank God for im , as she would focus on the good in him rather than the bad.
On one particular evening as she was invovled doing her house cleaning Smith came home and she didn’t have his food prepared for him. Through his rage, he threw her out of the house, on that winter night and she found some blankets in the shed and made a place to sleep on the front porch. When morning came, she got up , folded her blankets and put them back in storage, walked inside the house and fixed her husband breakfast! After years of Smith treating her like a dog , that morning the Spirit of God moved on Smith and he began to sob out of control, all the while Smith’s wife asking softly, “Honey what is wrong?’
When he could answer her he said these words( not quoting him, but as best as I can remember). I have been nothing but hateful towards you all my life, because you have always demonstrated love to me and been faithful, loving and caring I hated God because nobody can have that much peace. Yet, you have broken me down and I to want the kind of peace you have ! !
That mans name is ” Smith Wigglesworth ” On that morning he asked God to come into his heart nd forgive him of his sin, Then turned to his wife and asked her forgiveness and then went on to become one of the pioneers of christian faith. With Legal documentation from several hospitals of raising 27 people from the dead, who were as I have read in the morge. I have read of three accounts, where the death certifcates were signed by Doctors. You can read of this man today by typing his name , Google–Smith Wigglesworth .
Your husband may not be the next Wiggleswoth, but at the same time”LOVE never fails”
Typing in My prayer for you, here it is; Father you understand all that JM is going through better than anyone,anywhere,anytime. As with all of us you know our frame and what we are capable of carrying emotionally, mentally,financially and physically. I ask that you add “strength” to her heart, quiet her mind, and ability to forget yesterdays weight’s of despair, discouragement and discontentment., and fill her heart with joy, inspite of and let laughter well up from deep within. Father send someone to her she can talk with, who will not bring discouragement and side in, with ill will (female friend). Move on her husband and send labores acoss his path, to speak with him, manifest yourself to him in the way you know best, to give him a better understanding of loyalty to his wife,open his eye’s of understanding , enlighten him to an awareness of being faithful/ loyal , that he has never known before,then to build on that each day. Thank you Father that your ear is not deaf, that you have heard the prayer of Faith for JM , that the things that have been spoken, are already being arranged, in the order we petitioned you with, that from this moment forward we will Thank You for your answering our prayer and we will not ask you again but give thanks and admiration everytime, knowing that you are working it out quietly ( this is what puts a smile on your face and a spring in your step ) all the while.
JM from this piont forward When “doubt” comes tell doubt, the only thing you are going to doubt is doubt itself. Here, are some bible scriptures to read. Jeremiah 29:11, St John 10:10, Psalms 37:4
Kenny
December 13th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
It was actually God ,who raised the people from the dead. Smith was the Fed-X guy from which God moved !
December 14th, 2008 at 9:43 am
If its time to go, it’s time to go. If you are not happy in a relationship, I don’t care what kenny says, then you should leave it. Only if this is what you want.
December 15th, 2008 at 8:57 am
What Jeff writes is true ! ! If you have already made up in your mind that , you want this marriage to end, then any petition from any person is vain. It is your call ! ! You cannot violate another person’s will or lord your own will ,into another person. But, in giving your everything ,adding prayer And faith can be a powerful thing to bring change. I have a wife of thirty two years. The first ten were not all that great, but her devotion to me, caused me to see in her the true meaning of love. I was not cruel to her , nor did I violate my oath,but there were those times that I thuoght that I could have eat her up with love and then times I wish Ihad ! !When you have gone beyond, knowing you have gone those extra miles. God said; “He would not put more on us than we can handle.”
December 15th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
i don’t have the wisdom or the right to tell you whether leaving your husband is the “right” thing to do or not, but i think if you are looking for the words to tell him how you feel, they are right in front of you. tell him just what you told us.
December 16th, 2008 at 1:17 am
You should leave him.
I always do what is best for me and the other, whoever the other may be.
If I were in your situation
I would have divorced him a while ago
But
Do not listen to me too much
and don’t follow my words
too closely.
December 16th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
God say’s ” We who are without sin, can cast the first stone ! ” ” Judge not ! for with whatever judgement you make, you shall likewise be judged, forgive and you shall yourself be forgiven ! “
December 16th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
God say’s ” We who are without sin, can cast the first stone ! ” ” Judge not ! for with whatever judgement you make, you shall likewise be judged, forgive and you shall yourself be forgiven ! ” To do what is” Right ” is never easy, to do what is “wrong ” usually is ! !
December 20th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Admit to yourself that you know what to do. There is no sanctity of marriage- there is only what is real between two people. Do you need to grow? Does he or will he? Think. Believe. Act. Support yourself and once you can do that, then support others. Dont be afraid of change, be afraid of stagnation and waste.
December 29th, 2008 at 4:24 am
I am also in a very similar situation if not worse, I also server the Lord and at times feel very confused about staying or leaving. However, many years ago a woman,( she was a great servant of God) said to me the she left her husband just as God let the prodigal son leave. She said many times people who are denying God need to eat with the pigs like the prodigal son, so that they can hit rock botttom and look up to God. Well this was 10 years ago and I wish I would have taken her advice. For the woman he outcome was very much like mrs. Smith. However in my situation 10 years later and 22 of being married i’m rocking the same boat and throughout my journey their has been nothing but strong winds of pain. May God give us both wisdom to make the right choice, because even though I was raised the old fashion way were you marry a virgin and marriage is forever I have came to the realization that God called us to peace and in the scripture one of the reasons to leave a spouse is for infidelity, even God understands that its hard to live with an unrepented cheater.
January 1st, 2009 at 9:37 am
I am sorry for the situation you are in. I am in a similar situation and have thought many of your same thoughts. Infidelity is big. The decision is yours to make. If you stay in it and do not forgive it then the problems only multiply. See 1 Corinthians 7: 12-14. I decided to stick with it and it is not easy but my faith in God is what strengthens me. It is not easy at all. It is easy for me to throw it in her face whenever an argument comes up but if I did that then I obviously did not forgive her. I did not forgive her because she deserved it but because God requires it. That in itself has made all the difference. Everybody falls but you dont have to go down with them either. I will pray for you as I pray for my family as well.
January 4th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
If you have a pastor go to him for maritial counseling before making a decision. They are there for that purpose to. You can also try separating and staying friends without the special benefits. Sometimes people have to separate in order to come together permanently. So don’t throw away your marriage just yet. No, I am not saying let him have his fun while you be alone. You should focus on yourself and your goals and keep busy, let him see how well you are looking and taking care of yourself, always keep your head up and a smile on your face when you ‘re in his presence or if you know he is watching. Sometimes it takes these unfaithful spouses to go get their hearts broken and their heads banged against a brick wall before they realize what a great woman/husband they had, some do come running back and some do learn and turn out to be great spouses and have great testomonies about almost losing their lives chasing what they thought was better or just simply lusting. You also don’t want to jump out of the frying pan and in to the fire yourself, BE CAREFUL……..2 wrongs don’t make a right, only you can make a decision for your own life. I personally would have a serious talk with him first, to find out what was his real true reason or purpose for marrying me? and if he really loved me? and where do he see our marriage at and where he sees us financially and beyond in the next few years? If he gives a good reason that’s soothes your heart, spirit, mind and soul then see your pastor with him or a marriage counslor. You knew he was like this before you married him, I am quite sure. There are always signs that God shows us before accepting a mate, it’s just that we choose some how to close our eyes on things, maybe not always intentionally but we do. What ever your decision is I hope next time you take heed to what you see before you say “I DO”.
God Bless! Will keep you in prayer for guidence
January 11th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
im in the same place u are i want to leave but its like a a black hole and i cant seem to leave… i fear the reactions of my family i dont love this man and i want to be inlove i often think how .uch happoer id be without him i just dont know how i can leave without facing shame!!
February 17th, 2009 at 11:11 am
I am very happy that I found your blog. Keep up the good work.
February 20th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Simply read him the scripture that says it is okay to leave your spouse when your spouse has committed sexual immorality against you … then forgive him - not for him, but for you so that you can truly move on - tell him so even though you are not fully convinced of its truth yet (saying forgiveness is an excellent start to the act of actually forgiving - then you give it over to God to complete the actual act of forgiveness, for He completes what he starts) … then make a solid decision to either stay or go and commit to it in prayer. It is so important that you trust God to complete all decisions you make in life. God hates divorce, but He understands human shortcomings and has set us down some very reasonable laws to accomidate those shortcomings … if you want to leave your husband for this vulgar sin against you and are convinced there’s no reconciliation in your heart towards him, please make your decision carefully in solid prayer and trust to God, and don’t do this alone. Find Christian brothers, sisters, and a kind clergyman for guidance is always a good choice, to make this journey with you. This is not a light decision you make, so make all necessary preparations before you fully commit to it including your own heart check … solid and constant prayer … pros and cons of how this will affect your life and the lives of others involved … decisions on what you are willing to sacrifice to make your final decision complete and then finish it with scripture, for that is what God gave us the bible for. Look up all scriptures pertaining to marriage, trust, loyalty, commitment, treating one’s wife as Christ treats the church … sit the man down and put God’s own words in the silly man’s face and see what comes back. This moment of trials should bring a response from him that will help along and perhaps even solidify your final decision to stay or go.
I know there’s a lot of info here, but the decision you make before you is such an important one, I’d just hate for you to take it lightly and regret your decisions later.
I’ll finish with this: often when I go to prayer and then the Holy word over some of life’s most important decisions, I come back with solid responses and decisions and choices to tackle those trials and obstacles because God truly does answer prayer and His word HAS NEVER RETURNED TO ME VOID. Really … NEVER! He is truly a good God and only desires what is best for each of us. Trust in Him, precious sister. Take care and may the love of Christ fill the empty void your selfish husband has created in you. God bless and God speed.
March 3rd, 2009 at 7:39 am
Dear All,
Thank you for the kind comments and inspirations. After writing my prayer, I did find the words I needed. The past couple of months have been tough for the both of us. He is gone, and in a very different place mentally. Sadly, he was there before we split but my words set him over the edge a bit. In reality, his actions caused the demise of our 9 year relationship. I know deep in my heart I was the best wife, best friend, and lover that I could be to him. I am working on forgiving him for his actions, and forgiving myself for being so blind to what happened. I am finding the peace and serentiy that I truly deserve in my life. I have no regrets, because my future is so bright. I learned what could from him….I learned alot about myself and about the opposite sex. He was my first love. Our relationship wasn’t always bad, it just made a turn for the worse 2 years ago when we got married. And it’s supposed to get better……but it did not.
My husband and I were in therapy for 7 months prior to our separation and I believe that with out it, I would still be with him. I would still be blaming myself for the things he did to me. I’ve had to be very selfish, which is unlike me. I always put others first, and let my needs suffer, just to please everyone. I made this decision for me and only me. I had to put aside my concerns about what others would think……about what my family would say (I’m the only one to get divorced thus far….). This is my life, and I live it for no one but me.
To the men and women who find themselves in similar situations - Find what makes you happy and settle for nothing less.
Thank you again for the kind words. I’m finding my peace and calm in the world.
peace and love - Jamie (JM)
March 3rd, 2009 at 10:57 am
You need to get out of the “marriage head”. Stop thinking about him as a husband and start looking at him as a human being. You know him, you know his limitations, can you make it work with him? If not then you are putting both of you into a prison, he may need you to leave to finally become who he needs to become. If there’s a chance you could make it work, remember, every relationship requires sacrifice. nothing is going to be perfect. And the first thing we gotta do with anyone that we’re with is to forgive them for not really being the right person for us. Because no one is.
March 4th, 2009 at 8:01 am
Common Sense -
My gosh, you are right……I think the seperation was the best thing for the both of us. I allowed him to lean on me too much for support and I really feel that he needs to become his own person. And so do I.
peace - jamie
April 16th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
In Matthew 5:32, Jesus says the only reason for divorce
is sexual immorality.
check.
but if you want to save your marriage, pray for strength, for patience, for wisdom, protection.
pray for an open mind for growth and change.
June 19th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
I aqree with Erica.
Move on, re invent yourself. You can (:
- Jessie NZ
June 24th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Hey there, I read through a lot of these posts. The original person who asked for advice ON THE INTERNET about how to tell her husband she wants to leave should SEEK WISE COUNSEL FROM A PASTOR OR MINISTER who follows what the BIBLE actually says. God hates divorce but the BIBLE does not say that is it a sin. It sounds like your husband committed adultry which is a permissable reason to divorce according to the BIBLE, as the BIBLE does say adultry is a sin. It is not indicated in the BIBLE that staying with your spouse is a bad thing though. His sin is on him which ever way you decide. Know that God intended marriage to be forever and that if your marriage ends in divorce it is a failed marriage and you will technically be commiting adultry with your new spouse should you re-marry and you will need to go through the forgiveness process with your new spouse and with God. These are things you need to consider. Please seek sound wisdom from a flesh and blood person.
By the way, KENNY, that comment about “He who casts the first stone” is not actually supposed to be in the BIBLE. It was added by scribes when King James ordered that there be “unified” bible now known as the KING JAMES BIBLE. That whole passage about the prostitute was not inspired by God. It’s commonly known as a “marginal gloss” and if you look in your BIBLE it might be in [brackets] with a footnote at the bottom talking about it not being in the earliest manuscripts. Sorry. It’s a good story though.
July 19th, 2009 at 6:59 am
I dislike my husband very much, and I tell God so. He is dirty, lazy, and trifling. He works but that’s all he does. He screws up money ALL the time no matter how much I try to help him maintain. He’s a pig and I want to leave him. I often imagine my life without him and it looks great, but we have 3 daughters who love him like I don’t. I’ve gotten to the point that even looking at him ticks me off and makes me want to bash his big ugly head in. He’s a bully and I just wish he would leave with his trifling, funky, bad attitude, crybaby, mama’s boy behind. He makes me sick, I can’t stand his whole family especially his mother. She’s just as disgusting as him. I just want it to be over. Ugh.
October 30th, 2009 at 3:39 am
It sounds like you’re creating problems yourself by trying to solve this issue instead of looking at why their is a problem in the first place
December 1st, 2009 at 10:23 am
to danielle… why on earth did you marry him in the first place? Would not have been “authentic” it feels like a “lie” when you talk about him in such manner. It seems like a jail sentence for you, him and your three kids. You must be hating yourself for putting yourself into this hopeless situation. It must really be hurting you deeply. Your attitude is keeping all away from God…
recommended reading: “A Return To Love” by Marianne Williamson. Will help healing, moving on.
It is a definite sin to stay in a situation that makes eveyone involved utterly unhappy. Grow up and either transform your relationship whatever it takes. If separation will help you both should consider that option. You will always have a relationship, a “marriage” of some sort even when you are divorced.
My ex and I are great friends. at the time of separation we managed to keep the faith that we could support each other in moving onto a next stage of our relationship. We divorced peacefully after 5 years of marriage and she is now the godmother of my 4 year old son who is the product of me and my new partner’s love. We now have been together for 8 years. Things can get rocky at times and I have been thinking of leaving her many times. However, there is something stronger than that and it is my committment to her and my little boy. If I ever will move on, which I may feel I need to do someday, there will still always be a connection of love, even when we are walking separate paths.
The essence of the matter of staying together or not is to be honest to yourself as that is where you have the best access to God. From within and He resides in everyone of us. Fear of Life is Fear of following God’s call. You may be fearful of talking to your husband or wife about the things that trouble you. You must consider that this fear will keep you from letting God’s light shine through you.
You have no idea what kind of light God wants to make you shine. It is a real sin to keep yourself from sharing with your fellow human being, lover, partner, spouse… That is why you got together in the first place! to shine for each other!!!
— S H I N E ! be honest, courageous, loving, forgiving and you will find salvation, or more accurately: salvation will find you!
You are a unique expression of God walking the Earth. Do Him Good, shine His light, whatever color it may be at the time. Be of Truth not of right or wrong. Honour yourself and God will honour you with His wisdom and love.
Be Loved All