Dear God, I’M STUCK. I feel like I’m not going anywhere. To be quite frank, I always have made fun of religion. I don’t believe in it, nor do i believe in the whole Jesus being your son thing, if he is your son, or if you really impregnated Mary or if you yourself are something real or just a fictional story.
I can’t stop but hate everything I stand for. I love everyone, but i can’t love myself. I try to find good in everyone during practices, but I can’t any for myself. I want to feel something that stays good
so I am turning to you. My family is a mess and my mom is the only one left being sane with me. My fathers ill and I just don’t care anymore. He does it to himself anyways so i hope he gets his wish soon. I’m taking a chance with this …. so take a chance with me …….. All i want to do is feel good for more than a moment and learn how to enjoy life again.Caitlin, Indiana/USA Share:
April 10th, 2008 at 3:32 am
Caitlin,
I can relate to what you said so much. I arrived at that place of STUCK about 10 years ago. It was such a frustrating and depressing time. I decided at that time that I wanted to find out if the whole God thing was real. I wanted to see if Jesus was really the Son of God.
Take hope and run with it. Seek God because he will definitely take a chance on you…he already has. So go for it…I did and I found him…or he found me. There’s real life out there for you along with peace and contentment. Sounds to me like God is persuing you…I’m excited for what he has for you!
April 10th, 2008 at 4:18 am
now THAT is a prayer.
April 10th, 2008 at 7:04 am
Hello,
My name is Snejana Farberov, and I am a reporter for the Columbia News Service, carried by the New York Times News Wire to 400 papers around the country. I have stumbled upon this Web site a few days ago, and the concept behind it really fascinated me. I am looking to write an article about new ways in which people connect to God and find spirituality in their lives using modern technology.
I would like to have the chance to talk to people from this Web site about their spiritual experiences that broguht them to this unusual forum. Please e-mail me if you’re interested at sf2345@columbia.edu.
Best regards,
Snejana Farberov
April 10th, 2008 at 8:55 am
Caitlin,
we’re all stuck once in a while, but your story seems to particularly suck (pardon my french)…
I got a question though; you say you hate everything you stand for. How can you hate things you stand for?
I know (or assume) you’re talking to god here, but feel free to answer me as well…
P.S. I don’t believe you don’t care about your father, and I don’t think you believe that either…
April 10th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Caitlin
God understands your hurt and your pain. He loves you so much and desires a relationship with you. He really loves you! There is nothing you can do that will make him love you any less. You have to trust Him. Talk to Him. Pour out your heart tell him how you feel. He will make you a new creation if you are willing to let him. I have doubted too, but I’ve learned that he is the greatest friend that you can have. You must believe that Jesus is the Son of God that came to die for you sins. He died for you so that you could have eternal life. If your ready for an incredible journey just pray this simple prayer:
God, thank you for loving me. Even though I don’t deserve your love, I can’t ignore it.
I recognize that I am a sinner and I need Jesus. Without His substitute, I would have to
pay for my own sins. God, I choose you. I want a relationship with you. Would you please
come and be a part of my life? I surrender everything that I am to you. Forgive me of
my sins, and change me from the inside out. Help me as I begin this new relationship with you. Teach me as I go. I love you, thanks for loving me. Amen”
http://www.groundwire.net/possible.cfm (this website is full of information and has people that can answer any questions you have)
April 10th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
caitlin,
jesus is taking a chance with you. when he died on the cross, he did it whether you believe in him or not. he believes you can be like him to others. he believes you can be his hands and feet to those around you who hurt. he doesn’t promise that you will never doubt, hurt or question; but, he does promise that you are not alone. my heart aches to know that you are hurting and are around people who hurt. i will pray for you and your family. i will be god’s hands and feet to you. as a follower of jesus, i will take a chance on you and will chose to love you whether you want me to or not, or whether you believe me or not.
peace.
jon
April 12th, 2008 at 5:27 am
Caitlin,
The only thing I can suggest isn’t much of a suggestion at all. Actually it’s a plea to NOT do something.
When searching for that moment of pleasure try to avoid drugs, alcohol, and relationships with dead beat guys. They all feel like they fill this void in your soul and make you feel good. Well, there is nothing wrong with superficial and simple pleasures. But, when they have a damaging effect of your life and the lives of those around you then they should be avoided. (I know, we’ve all heard this before, right? Just keep reading…) Seek out relationships with family members first. And if you are open to the idea of going to a church, then by all means do it! (Just not the Church of Scientology!!!)
Our generation lacks a sense of community. Seek out a community. Start within the family and work your way out from there. If your family life isn’t the best, find somebody, ANYBODY, in your family that you can relate to. Even a cousin, aunt, uncle, grandparent, etc… As hard as it is to believe sometimes, we are hardwired to have a special connection with our family. It’s much easier to love yourself when you are surrounded by people that love you. And, although friends are a great resource for support and inspiration, family never stops being family whereas friends can come and go.
Anyway, just remember that you’re not that different from everybody around you. Sure, we’re all special, or something like that. But, we all have pretty much the same feelings and go through very similar experiences. Just because you can’t see it, everyone faces these same challenges. So, it may not be that hard to find somebody to relate to… just stay away from the dead beat guys. Yeah… they’re never a good idea.
April 12th, 2008 at 6:56 am
I know you can’t go back to the religious myths (kind of like trying to believe in Santa Claus again, right?) But it’s ok, you don’t have to, and perhaps religion can offer you some degree of the inner peace you’re looking for.
You can go to a church, or whatever, and feel a sense of community if you choose. This feeling is pretty therapeutic in itself, but you also get some advice on how to get along with other people in general, and some of it is actually decent advice. It can get you thinking about yourself and the way you react with the world, and perhaps come to conclusions you wouldn’t have come to otherwise.
As for all the mumbo jumbo, don’t worry about it. That’s just the stuff to keep people faithful. No sense of community if nobody shows up, right? (See what I did with the word “faithful”? You liked that, didn’t you
April 12th, 2008 at 11:14 am
I am praying for you !
April 15th, 2008 at 5:08 am
I’m with Jacob on this one, THAT is a prayer. And I felt the pain and the truth in every word. I pray God will hear you loud and clear and give you the chance to turn things around.
He’s not going to do it for you, but He will provide a way. Keep your eyes peeled and your heart open.
April 15th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
When I’m feeling blue, unloved, hopeless, hateful, or any other name you give to those negative feeling…
I meditate. I go to a place that is particularly beautiful to me, be it physically or mentally (imagined)
I sit in that quiet place, I concentrate and focus on quieting my mind.
Then I begin to think of times when I have felt love, joy and happiness, I let all the conditions and circumstances I have attached to those emotions fall away and just fill myself with feeling of love, joy and happiness. An actual event provides the door way to these feelings, but it is the emotion I tap into, not the circumstances they occurred in.
I fill myself with the emotion or love, joy and happiness. I visualise and feel how it vibrates in my heart, chest and how it makes me feel warm. I feel the muscles in my face, the shape they take on when I feel love, how they feel strong and lifted. I smile to intensify the feeling, I put all external distractions out of my mind, and concentrate on my inner self. I feel the muscles all over my body, how they feel when I am loved. I feel the blood pulsing through your body, how it feels when I am loved. My bones, my organs, my skin, every part of my body, I fill it with the sensation of love.
I let my body go free, let it do what it wants to, smile uncontrollably, laugh, hum, sway, dance, fly… I don’t resist the feeling of love. Anything is possible, this is my meditation, I am guiding it, it is as wonderful as I want it to be. I fill myself up with love, joy and happiness. Then… I turn up the volume on that feeling. turn it right up, till it explodes from me and I radiate, I am love, joy and happiness.
I think, therefore I am… love, Joy and Happiness.
When I do this meditation I feel fantastic. I carry that feeling with me throughout the day. Others see it in me and feel it too. It makes me feel happy, people make lovely comments and do the nicest things, but the best thing is when they give me a huge smile, because I know I have passed on some of that unconditional love, joy and happiness that is radiating from me.
Try it, you can feel it too…
I don’t know about you but I didn’t learn to ride a bike the the first time I jumped on that saddle, so try it and keep trying it. It may take a little practice, butt one day you’ll have an ‘Aha!’ moment and you’ll get it. And it will be wonderful.
: D
April 16th, 2008 at 1:42 am
“Seek and you shall find.” I discovered the meaning of that verse over two years ago. I had been seeking something in my life that was true, something I could put my hopes in. For more than 37 years, I had tried intellectualism, humanism, materialism, eroticism … and that is a lot of ism’s. My point is that my search for truth was limited to the physical world. In what I could see, hear and touch. I was searching in books I could read, classes I could take, or people I could have relationships with. I knew something was wrong with me and with the world but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I had always made fun of religion. I made fun of those who believed in things that couldn’t be proven in a lab somewhere. Then I met someone that had something that I didn’t. She had hope. Through her hope I was introduced to the Truth that is Jesus Christ and I have never been the same since. I am living free for the first time and it is incredible. Sometimes you only have to take one step to find what you are looking for. Maybe it is only one step of faith away. I pray you may come to the Truth, and that he shall set you free….
April 16th, 2008 at 7:03 am
You don’t have to find religion (although that is perhaps the most sound solution, being permanent and abstract at the same time), but you do need to accept where you are and find a way to build from there. There are always options and ways to find hope… You are not stuck, just not yet where you want to be.
Obviously, you don’t like who you are… or pretend to be. It’s okay to change that. People change all the time. Sometimes it’s hard and some things are impossible to change, but you can definitely become someone you like at least. Try to imitate qualities that YOU admire and love in others. It may feel a little fake at first, but soon it’ll become habit and just who you are. Don’t wish you were someone else or had a “normal” life or that you were a “better” person. Change things you want changed, but don’t merely “wish” for them to be changed.
Your family is… your family. Not you. Remember that. You can survive them. Be grateful that you have at least one family member that is sane. It may be less than you want, but maybe it’ll improve over the years. Be grateful in the meantime.
There are many many things in life that feel good for just a few moments or a few hours… maybe somewhat more, but ultimately you know they are temporary before even getting to them. Don’t tell yourself anything different, even out of desperation. Some people may need a little “push” in the right direction now and then — a bit of good luck, counseling, a close friend to talk to, anti-depressants — but, ultimately, it is up to you to DECIDE to be cheerful and just get to work on getting yourself unstuck. It really is that easy… and that hard. Work on things that you can control. If you don’t control it, don’t worry about it — just consider whether it is really out of your control before dismissing it. There are always options… including the one to just “grin and bear it” while you build your way to better options. Make plans and work towards making them happen; don’t expect it to be easy.
Focus on an activity you love or something that serves a bigger purpose that you connect with… or maybe just get a job of any kind. You mentioned “practice”, so I assume you already have something like that. So, mentally give yourself a REAL compliment (no sarcasm) whenever you give someone else one. Give yourself credit. Improve your sense of self-worth by doing things you think a person you would admire would do, even if you feel stupid or fake. You have to start somewhere. At worst, it’ll give you something to aim for.
Lastly: Give it time. Life changes, but usually slowly. Make plans for the future and work on those; don’t dwell on the past except as lessons. If the present sucks and there’s nothing you can do to change that, work for a better future. Keep yourself as mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy as you can so that you won’t hold yourself back from making good changes. That might mean more study/classes, building skills for a better job, going to a counselor, finding new interests, volunteering for a cause, regular exercise, sorting out/planning finances, ignoring discord, building healthy relationships with family, friends, etc. (notice, “healthy” — or as healthy as possible), or any number of things that can help you be who, what, and where you want to be. It may take a while, but getting there eventually is better than not getting there at all. You are not stuck… just not where you want to be right now.
May 18th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
move on from your life. fiond new things that make you happy and fill you with joy. no one can rightfully critise you for doing what you want to do.
dont feel as if you have a duty to anyone in urlife. it seems as if you’ve cared for them for a long time. you still love them and they still love you. nothing you do and no matter how far you go should change that.
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:40 am
I wonder if things are better for Caitlin now that we’re almost into the month of September.
I surely hope they are.
February 11th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Caitlin…oh Caitlin…
Please. Please hear. Have you ever heard the term “saved”? Christians use it a lot. They refer to Jesus as their “Lord and Savior” or “She got saved!” And guess what? There’s a reason for that. It’s become such an everyday used term that we forget. What does a Savior do?
He saves.
He rescues.
He restores.
He sets free.
If a daddy saw his little girl drowning in a lake, would he say to her, “I will save you only if you agree to this, this, and this”. NO. That is his child!! He doesn’t think twice, he does EVERYTHING he can do to save her, he dives right in the thick of it, he never gives up, and once he has saved her, he makes sure she can breathe okay, keeps a constant eye on her, takes her to the best hospital to get her checked out, and never leaves her side.
THAT is what God is like.
God the Father is nothing like earthly fathers.
God the Father never leaves. Never disappoints.
He’s our Savior. And you are His child.
Ready to be rescued?
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:46 am
Romans 10:17- So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God
Be blessed Caitlin, I will keep you in my prayers!!
“Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Proverbs 16:3