Dear ………..someone, anyone, you.
Everyday I fail.
Everyday I find hatred in myself.
Everyday I try.
Everyday I let myself down.
Everyday I look for guidance.
Everyday I seek solace.
Everyday I am sad.
Everyday I know tomorrow will be no different.
I want to believe.
I want to love.
I want to win.
I want to do better.
I want to change.
I want to be happy.
I want to proud of myself.
I want to know tomorrow will be different.
I will continue to want change everyday……
Lonely & seeking in London Share:
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:41 am
I know the feeling, when everything feels like its going against you. You feel like your on your last legs and nothing seems like its going your way. Everyday seems the same, as if your waiting for something,anything. This is the time though when you cant give up. You cant throw in the towel, for you never know if you go one more round, how everything can finally change. I hope you keep pushing through, because the tide may turn on any given day. I will pray and hope for your happiness.
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:34 am
Move to Amsterdam, you’ll love it over here (and yeah, I’m being serious).
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:09 pm
I toggled back and forth between all those feelings you listed above for YEARS. Since I was about 9 and I’m now 19. I still feel it all but I’m slowly finding solace in small everyday things, and yes, people that I just happen to meet on the street and people that I’ve made friends with. I had to comment on this. It hits home. I know what it’s like to feel lonely and like life is at a stand still because you’re all alone. Or so it seems. I hope that you find the solace you’re looking for and I hope that when you get through this and look back you realize how strong you are. How much strength you had in order for you to endure this and get through it (because you will!) I hope for the best and will keep you in my prayers.
August 25th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Start something. If you know that tomorrow will be no different, then you’re admitting to yourself that you’re in a rut. Don’t look outside yourself for rescue, ask yourself for motivation. What made you surprise yourself in the past (surprise yourself either completely, or at least for the better- Hell, even if it was an unpleasant surprise then you have the benefit of knowing what you want to move away from)?
If you are trapped in a sickened routine then you have to break with it and on your own terms. Sometimes that involves extricating yourself from the demands of people you have close ties with; always it involves fear and risk. I can help ( it helped me) to think of fear as a form of excitement.
And when it comes to worries about the future, about what comes next, I can promise that if you make a change and it turns out to be a mistake you won’t feel as bad about it because you stepped into it volitionally, and so you will know that you can step out of it volitionally too.
Make a choice because in the end, you’re only responsible for yourself. And that’s an Ultimate Truth you can always rely on to stay true.
Good luck, cultivate yourself at your finest and Via con dios! xxx
August 25th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Sorry, I meant to say “It can help…” not I can help. That was a typo.
August 26th, 2008 at 1:14 am
dont worry.. you are not alone, you are not the only one seeking..
August 26th, 2008 at 3:55 am
Hi.
I recommend going here…
http://www.christchurchlondon.org/
I did for a couple of years (until I moved away). I guarantee that you will find some friends, and some answers! I don’t know what background you come from…but if you have a pre-conceived idea of church, ditch it…and just visit. What do you have to lose??
Hope you find what you are looking for.
August 26th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
i felt like you once
and trust me, write your letter to God and he will give you more than you need. He will give you love.
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are Tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.”
August 27th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
I would love to know who you are and where you are coming from. I’m American and dream, froth, foam, pour, and bleed London down to every calcite in my bones. I have two years of university left in this country, then I’m taking my stab at LDN. I hope it’s worth it and I hope to see you there someday too.
August 27th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
hi
i feel exactly the same as you and more . can someone tell me how you actually post a prayer on this site? i feel i have so much(advice and guidance) to ask from god and all you poeple out there.i am 22yrs old but feel like i am just too young for my age.i strongly believe some of the things will help me alot even if its just someone who understand even though they have nothing to say.
thanks.
August 28th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Nomusa, click on the ‘email in’ icon to send a prayer. Its the pink one near the top right of your page.
August 29th, 2008 at 5:41 am
just do…I was feeling like that until an awesome guy came to my life an taught me to stop the ” I want to” and start doing do do do …it didn’t make sense to me at the beginning and I found it kind of cruel…but it was just right.
Love
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:29 am
don’t want
do
September 8th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
I read this and cried, because I could have written it myself. I feel this way everyday. All I can do is get up and go again.
September 8th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Do you know what, I feel like this on a daily basis, My job is getting harder, the rewards are few, the pay is minimal and at the moment relationships are not my forte!
But yesterday night I prayed a prayer of strength. Not to make my job easier, or to improve my finantial situation, or to find my soulmate. My prayer was to help me get up earlier.
This morning I woke up 5 mins before my alarm went off at 6.00. I went jogging for the first time (it was more of a fast walk to be honnest!) around my local park in north London.
I figure its going to be tough, but it’s a start and I’m out of bed, and today has started better than the majority of them!
I know that God will help me along the way, but he wont do it for me. He doesn’t punnish us and he doesn’t reward us (untill the end). He can’t build friendships for us but he can put people in our path. He cant mend our finantial stuggles but he can give us the strength to endure them. He loves us all and I want to be the best I can be for him. To honour him. But I also know that we live in a broken world, and it’s ok to fail.
I dont know how long I will get up at 6 for - but today was an acchievemnet, and it’s enough for now. Tomorrow I’ll work on tomorrow! Today I’m working on today!
If you’re looking for a church, you could always try St Mary’s on York Street by Baker Street, you’d be more than welcome.
Good luck with your journey x
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:17 pm
I also moved to London and was stuck for 8 months without my wife and my precious children… I wasn’t perticularly welcome where I was staying and found it incredibly hard to survive every day without my family… I took the bus to work every day and cried silent tears looking out the window…People just looked at me and looked away… I’ve never been so alone in my whole life… Then I visited Hillsong Church opposite Tottenham Court Road station (Look for the big Freddie Mercury Statue)… I used to go to church when I was young until I got judged and reprimanded for listening to Rock music, watching movies and generally being a normal human being… I hated the church for hurting me so bad (to this day my younger brother doesn’t believe in God because of their bad example being God’s children)… anyway… I visited the church and found a home and a “family”… I cried through every service for weeks until God slowly mended my broken heart and gave me the strength to get up every day and go to work with joy in my heart… I really don’t want to come across as preaching religion to you… but i beg you… please go and visit just once… I found so much love and geniune love at that…. please, please, please go and see for yourself…. I’m back in South Africa now, but for the time I spent in London, I am so gratefull for my time at Hillsong Church and I miss it terribly… Today I find myself with new vision, hopes and dreams for my life… my family is truly a blessing from God and I know that we can endure anything with the grace and love of God…. Thank you everybody at Hillsong for extending your love and truly being an example of what God’s children can be in this world of lonelynes. God bless you all…..
ps: What also helped was getting a mountain bike and exploring every inch of every park in London… I love the outdoors and cycling amidst the trees and greenery in Wimbledon and Richmond Park…. there is this lovely little brook in Wimbledon common… down Robin Hood path… It bubbles and burbles and I used to go sit there with a book and a beer and a pack of smokes… listen to the churning water and just let go off all the sadness in my heart… Labradors come and go fetching sticks in the water… birds sing in the trees (not pigeons) and all of London’s harsh concrete world simply dissapears…
October 14th, 2008 at 7:43 am
kia kaha is a maori proverb that has been passed down from generation to generation. as a old maori komatua once said kaha means strength and mobility and kia means choice and when you put the two words together it creates a maori auora around your soul.
Tumeke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 28th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
I don’t know you…but I want to love you.
November 9th, 2008 at 1:17 am
I want it, too.
but I can do nothing to change it.
Dear god,
please hear us!
lonely&seeking in China
November 12th, 2008 at 6:58 am
I can read between the lines and I know you’re a positive person. You want something different, you’re stuck in BoredomLand! Well, no one’s gonna make things change but you. I know how hard it is, but you just have to get to the point where you’re so sick and tired of being sick and tired and then you’re gonna change. If I were you I would start with something small, such as cleaning your room. I mean really deep cleaning. Throw out any things that are stifling your change. Throw out anything that keeps you stuck in the past. Do a real deep cleaning of your personal space. Trust me, you feel pounds lighter when you let go of material things that have no use in your life.And maybe you can make some extra cash selling them online or in your neighborhood flea market. After cleaning and organizing your space at home and work/school, then it’s time to clean yourself up. Look online for some detoxification treatments. Cleanse your body from the inside out, this may take some time, but you will feel a profound change and much lighter. Then rebuild your body. Many times, depression occurs because of imbalances in the body, whether hormonal or a lack of certain nutrients in the body. so find a nutritionist and revamp your diet. it will work wonders for you when you feel healthy. And you MUST get out and excersize. It doesn’t have to be strenous, walking is great, so long as you sweat, It helps you remove toxins. I promise that when you begin by taking care of yourslef, you will attract people in the same frame of mind. Good things will come to you. Doing things to better yourself will put you in positive situations. I would get a haircut, or a manicure or a facial.Or go to some event that you’ve always wanted to go to. Pamper yourself once in a while. Indulge in some harmless guilty pleasure. Also begin a journal. Or better yet write your life story, that may help you realize how far you’ve come and allow you to leave the past back in the past. If you absolutley have to go back to the past, you can pick up your journal and read it , but not dwell on it. Ideas will begin to come to you, change will begin to come to you, but you have to start somewhere. Once the energy starts to flow, you’ll be amazed at how much you can accomplish. Maybe you can make a change in the world. do something good for someone else. That’ll really make u feel good. Try yoga. It is awesome for releasing blocked energies in the body and you’ll begin to look great too! When I’m feeling stuck, I clean and get rid of the bad vibes. Then I do everything else I’ve written. things will change, but it has to start with you. So give it a shot! And forgive yourself, don’t be so hard on yourself. Be kind to you.
Warm Wishes!