Dear God,
I wonder if you can you tell that the ‘better’ I get, the worse I really am; no else seems to notice. Is this all a part of your plan? If so, your plan is pretty sadistic and fucked up.
You know, God, I’m thinking about giving up. The only thing stopping me is my doubt over whether it will be any better with you. Will it?
K, Vancouver, Canada 
Dear God,
Madonna is stalking me. I lost my virginity to ‘Like A Virgin’ in the back of my boyfriends pick up truck at 16, and six weeks later I had to tell my Italian father that I was pregnant whilst MTV was blaring ‘Papa Don’t Preach’ in the background. At 18, I lost my faith in religion about the same time Madonna was burning crucifixes, and tried to recreate the sentiment by putting my rosary beads in the microwave. It lacked the drama and ruined my mums microwave. At 22, I got lost for two days in the snow whilst on a skiing holiday and the only thing that kept me alive was playing ‘Frozen’ on repeat whilst hypothermia set in. Finally, last night my new boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, whilst Madonna’s ‘4 Minutes ‘ played on the radio. He came in just under 3 and a half. I know she is in my life for a reason, I am just not sure why. Please send me a sign, preferably before her next single is released. Thanks G, Sarina Del-Vecchio, Sydney/Australia.
Dear God,
I have one word for you, dude: Vision.
Having been in the ad game since the days when the right length pony tail got you an executives position, I can tell you a thing or two about your brand. Firstly, your PR guys are bad for your image. No one wants to do business with hypocrites so until your boys in the robes can start behaving themselves, your organization is going to suffer image problems.Secondly, cut the hair and lose the beard. I’m seeing a short back and side and at the very least a goatee for you. Thirdly, the crucifix thing died when Madonna set them on fire for Pepsi. I’m thinking we go for a octagon in a nice shade of fushia.Finally we need to condense the Old and New Testament into an online blog and YouTube a few miracles if you want to reach those selfish little Gen Y assholes. Those pricks live online and have plenty to go to confession for, but its gotta come to them so confesstube, may be something to think about.I do consultancy works for $1800 an hour . No personal cheques, I don’t care who you are.leon Stellar,
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