Dear God,
It has been many months, (7) so I checked my ex’s blog and found out she has recently been married. I looked almost knowing already. maybe that was you god. Even though I have someone now, finding out hurt me. Is it just the feeling of rejection haunting me. I know we wouldnt have been good for each other. Someone loves me very much now, Yet, I can’t seem to completely let go of the ex. How do I move on and heal?Iver, Florida/USA
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July 9th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
Why did you break up?
July 10th, 2008 at 2:14 am
What you think of most, expands.
All thoughts have to go somewhere. . .
Do you have to completely let go?
I say you probably can’t.
When the feeling for the ex emerges,
just allow that feeling to be there, and
detach from it. Pour the feeling into
the gorge of universal love. The feeling
will soon become less personal and more
part of the whole. Flashbacks of the ex will soon become
passing thoughts that no longer haunt you, making
you more open to an expanded definition
of love. It works, most/some of the time. . .
I still have feelings for my HIGH SCHOOL
boyfriend. I’ve had said feelings for, oh. . .
2,000 years now? Fourteen, actually.
The feeling is not going away. I have changed,
grown, travelled, I’ve lived loads– but the feeling
is never going away, obviously, and there’s
very little I can do but befriend it.
In our separate lives, we’re 30 somethings, still unmarried and childless people,
which I find interesting, but can’t dwell there, in that pit of false hope. I’m sure we’re together
in every dimension possible, but this one, and I have to live with it. Kind of like Rose
and the Doctor, I guess.
This isn’t helping. . .sorry.
Give it time? That’s no good either.
Move on as much as you can and keep lovin’.
Corny as that sounds. . .
Good luck!
M
July 10th, 2008 at 4:26 am
‘Love is stronger than death. many waters cannot drown out love….’ So said King Solomon many years ago… and, you are not alone. I have experienced the same thing. And, I tell you there are no words to describe the pain. It is so unbearable that if you are not careful, it will impact your very sanity. We are created to love and to receive love. It is by far the strongest motivating factor in a person’s life. It causes people to do things that is above reasoning. But it can also enslave you. What do you really love? The feeling of being loved by this person, the pleasant memories you hold or the person? Logical reasoning, ’self-control’, mental techniques etc will not help you to move on. You need God’s help in Christ Jesus. Only He can heal your broken heart. I am not preaching to you, simply that, as one whose been there, I’m telling you the truth. Take time out to grieve, for it is the same as being bereaved. Speak out into the air all of your anger, hurt and humiliation. But, remember that you are made in the image of the Highest One, God Himself. There is no one greater or higher, that you could be fashioned after. You are utterly unique and you are priceless. Appreciate in your eyes, and do not allow any incident to assign to you your self-worth. Moreover, forgive her and yourself, otherwise you will become someone whom you yourself will not recognize. Lastly, bear in mind that love is a mere taste of who God is.
July 11th, 2008 at 8:39 am
My immediate reaction was this, (something I am working on myself, in other ways..) Is it your heart speaking, or your ego?
Love, another struggling human.
July 11th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
This might not comfort you now and it might sound trite but the only thing that will help is time and 7 months is hardly any time to get over someone you truly loved. There is only one man in my entire life that left me that haunted and its been 10 years. Im no longer haunted but it honestly took me years. Men after him were nice distractions - not that I didn’t love them too, just not quite in the same way - but for years I still thought of him, even when I was very loved, even now. Like the first comment said, some people you can never completely forget but in time, the intensity of whatever you are feeling will fade.
July 20th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
i know the feeling well my friend! im hoping my loss will subside yet all it seems to do is modify into other aspects of loss i hadnt thought about and its 3 years now. all i can say is she was not what i my heart thought she was and my heart is stuck loving someone who never existed, someone who is just an impression , the sooner i get real the better. i truely know how you feel from your description . ego haha of course why didnt i think of that chris!!! love has many manifestations and rationals and its very simplistic to label emotions using one liners..
July 21st, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Funny how I was just contemplating this very thing today! I always thought that there was a point where you would stop loving every ex. I guess that was foolish of me! We weren’t created to just turn off love like that so I am not sure why I would have thought it would happen. It’s wierd to think that I might get married some day and still carry an element of love for my first love. I guess that is ok too. Just strange. I’m about 2 and a half years out and I am 100% sure we aren’t supposed to be together now as he didn’t share my love for the Lord, but I never stopped loving him. I’ll hate it when he gets married and I’m not sure why either! I want good things for him…ego could be it. ha. I guess the non-loving part of me secretly wants him to pine for me forEVER. Or it could be that I sill hope for him to have a relationship with the lord so we can be together and I can see him embrace what is true. Him getting hitched means that we will def not be together. It’s the finality of it that gets me. I am certainly not waiting for that miracle but I’d be a lying if I didn’t still whisper a prayer for that now and then. Life is never what you expect…but I’m hooked
Wishing you much love in the future!
August 2nd, 2008 at 1:11 am
dude, i feel your pain. I’m in love with someone too but she decided to be with someone else despite the fact she said that I was the ideal person for her. ironic rite. till today i still wish for her but i know she has already made a choice and she chose not to be with me. so I’m trying to move on with my life even though it’s unbearable at times. I miss her deeply and sometime I wish I can tell her that but I guess it doesn’t matter now. I’m no longer in the picture.
August 2nd, 2008 at 1:13 am
it will pass. i keep telling myself that.
September 6th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
No answer. Just share your pain. Maybe try to see your ex in people you meet. Love them.
February 2nd, 2009 at 4:17 pm
everyone else keeps telling me it will go away eventually , but i am not so sure , once you love someone truely love someone i don’t think you ever get over it . I think you might be able to learn to live with it and move on but the love is still there . For myself its about 6 months but feels like a life time . I know it will never truely go away and i am not so sure i want it to but i know he and i will never be together and as much as that hurts i have to live with it and move on but i know i will in my own time ….
all i can say is you are not alone , and dont push your self to get over it because you will dwell on it even more then , when you find someone else who is ment for you that old love will move to a spot in your heart out of the way and make room for the new love to move in .
April 2nd, 2009 at 6:28 am
well, guess what haha we are in the same situation, i guess until now, i still think of her when i am alone, i don’t look at her pictures ever since we broke up even in the internet just to let me forget somehow what happened.. it was so painful how we broke up (duh hehe) picture this though, its was only days that we are about to experience our 2nd anniversary, but then she left me a text one night saying we are done because she found somebody else.. and she keeps blaming me for what happened. but i havent done anything to her that would make things like that. it haunts me sometimes, but i am happy now. so happy to have little growth on me. it wasn’t love at all that made me miss her during the first month of break up i realized.. it was ego as what the the previous people here posted..i was bitter because i was treated that way. unfair.
but now i moved on, though i recall everything that we were on to before. i just dont take them seriously.. instead.. i just make some grin. or smug. and mumbles “i wont go back there. :)”
don’t worry you’ll get over. just dont think about it over and over. go out and explore. the world is soo big and fun for you to mourn and be bitter on someone who doesnt even know you think of them
April 14th, 2009 at 12:21 am
I know what you are going through; And Although I am probably not the best one to be saying this because fact of the matter is, I am going through it also. But like you, I want out of it. I am so tired of thinking about him, and remembering he is still alive. I just want to forget he ever happened. I want to go back in time and see how my life would be changed if he hadn’t scarred me at such a young age.
April 14th, 2009 at 12:25 am
However, I have the faith of Jesus, that it will all be okay. I am just not deciding to end a battle, a battle of trying to be friends, but realizing I can’t just be his friend, a battle with myself. I know I love him, and I want anything to be with him, and I am confused. I just need what is best for me right now, I have a LOT going for me. I need to focus on other things, and forget about him, And SO do YOU. I don’t know the slightest bit about you in all honesty. BUT, I do know a lot about the situation, mooooooooovvvveee on with me… Learn to love yourself and other people, and you will find someone who you LOVE, and you will never turn back.
“All things you pray, believing, you shall recieve.”
June 28th, 2009 at 4:02 am
i felt like i was reading something that i wrote, those exact same words are the things that i feel, im in ur exact same situation, but lately ive realized that its precisely the feeling of rejection thats holding me back, i have a great guy that loves me like no one and i was not beeing able to see it cause i was still looking back.
i asked God to please make me forget, i think its working, i think he heard me, cause right now hings are changing, im not so sad anymore for what i lost, i hope one day ill wake up and find out i truly dont care about my ex anymore.
i wish you the best and that one day ull wake up 2 and realize that the past is in the pass, ill pray for ou when i pray for myself about the same thing.
we can do it Iver…lets just hope that God can give us what we need to move on…
ok i just realized you wrote this last year hahaha, im still sending it you cause now is even better, how are you now???
is it over???
i hope you answer this, it would be great to hear from you.
flor.
July 21st, 2009 at 8:58 am
I too have recently had these feelings and i don’t know how to cope. I am 30 and he was my first serious relationship. But he also met all my criteria- sweet charming smart nice. He pursued me talked of a futrue together. Houses, kids, jobs, vacations.etc. I prayed he was the one. I didn’t get any answer of no. The only thing i nagged on was the lack of physical affection. I don’t see you for 2 weeks and you can’t kiss me. I did everything I could for him- including cleaning his bathroom. Then one day, after giving no other indications- he announces he’s unhappy and wants out. He immediately began dating other people. Everyone told me it was for the best- that i was the giver and he was the taker, i could do better, he was intimidated by my personal and professional success but for me it was like losing my best friend. We were always together, he invited me to his family funcitons and he came to my events. I could call him about anything- and suddenly he’s not there now - by his choice. I spent a year with him - and gave up a lot of my individuality - Now i need to learn how to leave again and I can’t imagine feeling the same for anyone again.