Dear God,
She was my best friend. We listened to Foo Fighters, kept each other company studying in the library, I felt at ease when I was with her. What she didn’t see was me spiraling down; anxiety, depression, compulsion. What I didn’t see was her asking to come over late at night, bringing me coffee to cheer me up. She didn’t know what was wrong but she knew it was something.
One night we kissed. She stayed over in my bed. We both woke up in each others arms, hung over and smiling. over the next month but I got worse, i was afraid. she wanted to be close to me and I was terrified of everything going wrong in my life. I pushed her away.
I take medication now, I see a therapist once a week, I even stopped drinking. She has gone though, we said we would still be friends but we wont. She was my best friend. I could see myself marrying her. Everyday I think of how happy I was to wake up next to her and how I probably wont see her again.
I just want her to know I’m so sorry, i wasn’t myself, and I never meant to hurt her. If you can let her know that I’d be grateful.
Terry, Boston/USA
May 7th, 2008 at 3:03 am
that brought me to tears
May 7th, 2008 at 8:45 am
This happened to me too. Amazingly close with a guy I could’ve handed my heart to, then my depression caused me to push him away. I regret it every day. You’re not alone and I’m positive she’d be happy to know that you’re doing better now.
xx
May 7th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
This isn’t about me but it could be. I hope he’s as sorry as I am we couldn’t work out. I still miss him, the screwed up jerk.
May 7th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
I hope that one day things will work out for you and that you CAN still be friends. Your story also brought me to tears…
May 7th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
that was touching… hope she somehow understands.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Don’t worry, the same way you have understand your feelings, the same way she will understand the situation. Let it be, be happy yourself and, somehow, god will deliver your light to her. She will be fine at the very same moment you be strong enough to recall without regret. Good luck…
May 8th, 2008 at 11:03 am
You should call her. You don’t need god’s permission. You don’t even need hers. You’ve been through a lot and she’d probably be glad to hear from you. And if she isn’t, then that’s on her, not you.
May 9th, 2008 at 6:14 am
She was your best friend, yet you couldn’t tell her you were sad. That is sad. I hope that the new medicated and improved you can communicate with whomever your new best friend will end up being, maybe another cutie-pie you can have drunken sex with. Best of luck to you.
May 10th, 2008 at 2:36 am
Well…I’m from Brazil…
I cried reading your history…this happen to me too..
…and he did the same thing that u did…
as u said…” I could see myself marrying him”..
And our friendship is not the same since we kissed first time…=/ unfortunately..
May 10th, 2008 at 4:25 am
you should call her, i’m on the other side of the story… he’s still trying to push me away and i’m praying for the strength needed to go thru this… i know he’s sad, worried and depressed… i just want to see him ok
May 10th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Just call her. It’s the onlyway you have to try to fix things.
Talk to her, go after her. Tell her you’re sorry and never meant to hurt her.
May 13th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
If she is the amazing woman you describe her to be then she will understand what you were/are going through. Tell her how you feel. At least you’ll know in your heart that you tried and you won’t have to wonder. Don’t let her slip away!
May 14th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Dear Terry,
Did ’sharing your problem with her’ ever flash in your mind? Based on your story (and how others interpretate your prayer), you guys must be very very very close. And if you guys are, I’m sure that she knew it. But..have you consider putting your ‘trust’ in her by sharing your problems? Your fear of your future life?
Is there any way to track her back just to say hello?
I never intend to say that you’re wrong. No. Never. This is just my share of story, since I’ve experienced the same issue as yours.
Gbu always..
Best Regards,
Widy
May 21st, 2008 at 9:22 am
Tell her all of this.
Empty your heart out.
If these are your pure thoughts and feelings hopefully she’ll see how full of love you are and will give you a second chance. We all deserve it!
June 16th, 2008 at 7:22 am
why dont you tell her?…. i’m sure it’d mean a whole lot more comeing from you then god.
and if you guys were really that close then she’d forgive you in a heart beat!
RUN OUT AND TELL HER! TELL HER YOUR SORRY!!!
EXPLAIN WHY YOu DID WAT You DID!!!
BEST Of LUCK!!!