Dear God,
I like him so much. I spent the weekend in his state just to be with him - I felt so good with him that I am missing him massively now that I am home. But I realize that he may not feel the same because of how guarded I am around him. I can’t let go and be myself. I’m scared that I’d like him more if I do. I’m terrified that he’d find out that I’m married and that I have been deceiving him all this time. Please God help me put an end to this limbo that I am finding myself in. I never wanted to like him this much.Joanne, Sydney Australia
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June 29th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Wake up to yourself - your lying and misleading both parties - deal with your marriage first before you embark on another love interest
June 30th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
You owe it to your husband to tell him the truth, and then you need to be honest with this new person. You’re dishonesty is causing you a lot of guilt, which is probably exhausting. Once you are honest with everyone, you’ll be able to decide what you’re going to do next, but I do believe that when you got married you made a commitment, and you need to honour that, whichever way it works out in the end. If you don’t do something about it now, you’ll end up causing more pain to your husband, your lover and yourself in the end.
Good luck.
July 1st, 2008 at 8:52 am
hmmm…dont think about what he will think when he finds out that you are married…before any of that…what does your husband really mean to you??? you do unto others as you want them to do unto you…forgive my sins as i forgive those who sin against me..we never really see the light unless we move out of the darkness…but do you really want to move out of the darkness…emotions huh…it feels good to have a loving feelings….or is it just lust???
what can you do…what can you do…
it all seems impossible to do make the right choice to be honest to be true to walk a straight path…
July 1st, 2008 at 11:39 pm
What a tangled web we weave.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:34 pm
You are obviously lacking something within yourself and within your marriage to attract this relationship. Seems like you are being careless with everyone’s feelings involved, your husband’s, your new man’s and your own. The best thing to do is to be with yourself for a while and listen to what is inside after clearing away some of the noise, but it is also one of the most difficult things to do. Try not to intentionally be careless, cos what goes around comes around.
July 3rd, 2008 at 5:57 pm
just try to do the best you can ,because i am like you love someone and you get married but somehow we manage to get lost ,kind of like myself i love my wife but sometimes there are women that want me. i am like am animal it is something inside of me that want to have sex with a different women . i pray for god to help me , but the next day i am doing it again ,dont get me wrong i am not having sex with every women but deep inside i want to and it tearing me up inside
July 16th, 2008 at 4:46 am
Joanne, this often happens to married people. Something might not be 100% in the relationship and then it isn´t too hard to fall in love with someone else. I belive that you should be true to yourself. Decide what is important. Do you want to stay married to your husband? Then you should stop meeting the other one. Otherwise you may do stuff which you later regret. And there is no need IMO to tell your husband the truth as long as nothing has happened.
But if you have a very good relationship to him, it may help talking about your unsure feelings. Maybe that will help you two find out whether something is wrong in your partnership. It is a hard decision.
And if you don´t want to stay married, then you should talk to your husband too (as soon as possible).
July 16th, 2008 at 8:09 am
My husband has been having an affair on me for a little over a year now. I have tried to deal with it peacefully, but inside I feel I am dying. I wonder what can I mean to him if he has to be with her. I feel like a nothing, like I don’t even matter. He barely spends time with me anymore and always runs to her every beckoned call. I wonder why did he marry me in the first place, seeing how we have only just had our two year anniversary, but were together a year and a half before we got married. so 3 and a half years and one of those years has been utter hell…..I know what GOD says in the bible about fornication, adultery, sexual immoral actions, and disresepecting and dishonoring your spouse. I would never do that to him, but he is doing it to me, regardless of what GOD says. It says in MANY placesin the word of GOD that people who commit adultery and fornicators will be thrown into the lake of fire and never will they eneter the kingdom of GOD. I stay with my husband and I continue to pray. I have issues with forgiveness, especialy the woman he is with, who has always known he is married, and treats me like crapp. I hate her, and I do not want to, because I want peace, but thisis killling me inside. She is a husband stealing, marriage wrecking, fornicating adulteress whore and if you are doing the same as she is, then thats exactly what you are as well, so the bible says and you will burn in hell too. SO think before you do this stupid crapp. Think about whay you are married, the vows you took, make things better with your own husband and do not find someone else to make your olife more exciting and sin against GOD and your marriage like my husband is doing, because its worse than death to deal with this pain. In fact, I pray to GOD, if it is never going to get better for me and my husband is not going to love me like he did before she came, then just let me die. Do you realy want to be responsible to make your husband feel that kind of pain? I guess some ppl are just evil, like the woman who is with my husband, becasue she has made it clear to me she cares less how I feel or what she is doing against GOD and my marriage. Make a right choice for a change. Walk away from sin!
July 22nd, 2008 at 3:11 am
This is simple. You are emotionally immature. It’s technically called unbridled narcissism. To not have compassion for the feelings of your husband and all of the other people involved is a total lack of self respect and a total egocentric act on your part. It is also not about loving this other person. You care more about how you are feeling than anyone else. You are feeding off of a persons innocent love and going anywhere you want to tread just for your own pleasure and lack of moral fabric.
I do feel badly for you because we all have choices we could make. We decide if we are willing to act upon thoughts. Frame all questions with this in mind. Does this ultimately bring happiness to the world or will this bring pain. Secondly….consider these words from the Dalia Lama. Want what you have, Not have what you want.
I suspect that you are not emotionally mature enough to deal with the hard work it will take to develop the skills to see another person…recognize the great potential love that might be within that new relationship and then CHOOSE to walk away. What marriage is all about is not that you will 100% of the time love your partner for ever and ever …it is a choice to make it work. To see other potential mates and choose to work on your relationship. There is no relationship that is easy. Only ones that are willing to respect each other and work on the relationship together.
I wish your husband all the luck and hope that he will find peace.
August 25th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
God would expect you to deal with honestly and with integrity AND quickly. End the relationship. It will only get worse before it gets better. The situation started out perhaps innocently. But look where you are now. So much heartache. He is not a God of heartache brought about by sin, but a God of peace through righteousness. Righteousness means right standing with God. This is how to get peace in your heart through Jesus being your God and life guide. You are searching for a love and Christ is the answer for that love. It is a vaccum that can only be filled through the love of Christ. It is not found in a man or a woman, it can only be filled through God.
August 27th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Darling,
you’ll always be attracted to people, you just have to stop yourself from getting involved with them. Go back to your husband who loves you and said those vowes and meant it. Dont ruin your marriage by what could your most regretful mistake, from this you’ll learn so much about controlling yourself and you will know you are strong enough not to give in.
August 28th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Dear Joanne
The first couple of months or years in a relationship/marriage is always exciting and we tends to minimise the differences that we have with our husban/wife and embrace their weaknesses.
But true love described in the bible is one that you have to intentionally try to love each other, think about others above yourselve and honour them. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and God intend for us to learn from our marriage, not to run away from it when it doesn’t work out the way we want it to be.
I once went to a marriage seminar and it taught that the best person God has reserved for you is your current husband/wife if you are married, there will never be someone better. Your husband might not be perfect, but h’e just the perfect one for you.
Nobody can make a decision for you, but making a decision that is supported in the bible will never go wrong.