Dear God,
I never knew anyone who died. I always worried it would be someone really important. I always worried it would be him. He was the love of my life so far. We had a plan. He was going to be my husband. We named our children. How could you let him fall? How could you let him get to the point of taking his own life? He was only 22 years old! He was the most talented guy I know! He could make ANYONE laugh! He was searching for your light for so long, and he NEVER found it. Who’s fault is that? I can’t be angry at him, I can’t be angry with you… I just miss him so much. My heart hurts and I still can’t process that I’ll never see him again. It’s not fair. All I beg is that you’ve taken care of him and will continue to do so. He deserves to be happy for once, and you owe him that because you’re the only one who can hand it to him. Make sure he knows we all love him, that I’m sorry, and that I will love him forever and ever times a million times a billion times infinity plus one. I swear. Really Alone, Texas/USAShare:
December 25th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Really Alone,
I know no words of mine could truly comfort you, but I want to thank you for reminding me to stay alive.
I’ve been searching for God’s Light. I haven’t found it yet, and I don’t know if I ever will. So many times, I have wanted to take my life and see for myself if this God is true and alive. The man I love is a strong Christian who sometimes is impatient with my search, but I know he just wants the best for me, so I can’t be angry with him.
I won’t leave him behind on this planet by taking my life. I promised him, and sometimes even that promise wasn’t enough to stop me from wanting and trying to die. But I make this promise to you, and this time, I mean it. Thank you for showing me I have something to live for, and my search may be long, but it isn’t impossible.
I hope and pray for peace and comfort for you. I hope one day we meet, but if we never do, then know I won’t forget you.
With all my love.
December 26th, 2008 at 5:03 am
hello…
i am so sorry for ur lost… i wish i can do anything to comfort u… and i would do anything to feel the love that u have for him…
i believe that god has taken agood care of him…
your lover will be touched because he knows somebody is missing him badly but he would also want u to be happy…
i believe he is one lucky man for having ur love…
and he will be watching u..
he might not be there next to you but he will always be there in your heart…
with love…
December 26th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
I am so sorry for your loss; i really am. As i was reading your letter tears were streaming from my face.
I hope you find peace and happiness in your heart once again. I don’t know what to say. I am sorry, stay strong and live life to the fullness do everything he wanted to do. He lives in you!
January 5th, 2009 at 5:31 am
I know some of your pain. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this. My father committed suicide and when that happens everything you think you knew and believed is shaken. You become fearful and worry about your ability to go on. You struggle with anger and depression and feelings of guilt–although you can never be the cause of someone’s decision to do this. I found myself so anxious–heart pounding, if I could fall asleep, I woke up with my heart pounding–worry,fear,loneliness. Even though I had other family and friends–I felt alone, because I didn’t think anyone could understand or know me anymore! Finally after having a panic attack in a drive through window at McDonald’s, I sought help. The therapist I saw helped me grieve and helped me see things in a rational way. One thing he said gave me hope and has helped me again and again in the years since that awful time. He said that God made us with a natural tendancy to heal, if we open up and get the bad things out. It’s like cutting the palm of your hand and it becoming infected. The more we use that hand, the more it pulls apart and opens up. The more it opens up and gets the “bad” out the sooner it will heal.
Please for the other people in your life, get help somewhere–your pastor, your best friend, a diary–even me. Don’t let stuff build up and overwhelm you like I did. I was later diagnosed with post traumatic syndrome–you have been traumatized and you have to deal with it. You can’t help your loved one now, but you can and need to help yourself. I know that it sounds crazy, but now that time has passed, I can see good things that have happened since and because of my Dad’s suicide. They didn’t happen fast and they didn’t come easy–but dialogues were opened and lives were changed. It was not a death that happened in vain. My God is a loving God and His Grace is sufficient. My pastor told me that he believes firmly in God’s forgiveness of people who commit suicide. By the time they get to the point of suicide they are not themselves and even the chemical balance of their brains have changed–God know this and can and will forgive your loved one, just like I believe he has forgiven my Father.
Rest and heal–take care of yourself–this is a dangerous time for you and the others that loved your boy friend–take care of each other.
I will be praying for you!
January 7th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
I believe that when we lose loved ones, we inherit behaviours and also features of that person. It may be the smallest thing such as passing a window and seeing some art he would have loved and thinking for a moment “He would have loved that”. It is the energy, their spirit that we absorb and continue to love.
They may not be here on the physical plane, but they live on within us. Sure, over the years they may not be as omnipresent as they once were, but they will always be with you.
Honour him and know that with each of these moments you are allowing his spirit to continue to live, and also honouring your own self, to live the best life you can, not just for you, but for him too.
January 12th, 2009 at 4:26 am
I think he could feel God in the end. He told me he didn’t know what it was or if it fit with any of the religions’ views, but he definitely thought there was ’something out there that started everything… and gives a shit about me.’ That makes me feel better.
This is a lovely prayer. I’m still a bit angry with God. I keep thinking of all the alleged miracles that used to happen, that people still claim happen. I think we deserved one- he deserved one.
January 22nd, 2009 at 3:03 pm
When one door closes another one opens. I truely believe this. I was in a bad marriage when I lose my older brother, a year after his death the marriage ended. My brother and I shared a love for car racing. He was building a race car when he was killed, My family finished the car and raced it for one year in memory of my brother. It was at that time I meet my husband now. He is the most wonderful man and I now have the 2 most beautiful girls. I like to think that my brothers death lead me to this path in my life. Have faith there is a reason, one you may never know, but God is with you and he loves you.
February 17th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Your grieving is a natural thing. You loved this man very much, remember that. Remember his smile, that look he gave you when you were silly. Remember the way he told you he loved you the first time. Really Alone, he is with you ALWAYS. In every thing you do. Because you love him and he loved you he left with you the greatest gift he could, a piece of his real soul. You will carry that with you. Because you are young he would want you to move on, and you will someday, but when you do, you will still carry that piece of him with you in your heart and will forever. And that is OK! God bless you, God loves you.
March 3rd, 2009 at 6:02 pm
doed the pain of wondering ever go away
March 17th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
I found some drops coming down from my eyes when I heard that you lost him. It must be really hard. I felt such feelings when I lost my mother. I was not with her when she was dying. And I knew that she missed me so much. I just could visit her grave after 1 year. She was a smoker and I took a box of cigarettes with me to say ’sorry’… I am so sorry that I was not beside you holding your hand… We must say what we feel when we still have time.
March 20th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
dear friend
very sympatitic for you
as i understood the person near you ,is not in life
is hard for you because you feel something is missing something you did not understand you all ready have it and you lost it
i must give you sympathy first and then to say my opinion
we thrghout life prepere the ground what kind of seed we will put inside and it take some time the seedling to become a mature tree
some of the diem some other broken ,but some of them continue
i think the soul of your lovely friend is good near in god and who knows that the souls deal from god was to live only this short life
before born.some souls take palce in earth to give a message to others and when they finish they go ,is not hard for the souls but the other who stand in earth perhaps was for you to explain you a part of your self ,see inside you if you found him inside you then was yours if not then came from god to help you in a time to rebuild your self and when you are ready to found your truth life to leave you with a smile.!
be optimist
November 18th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Really Alone, I’m so sorry for the pain your feeling.
I can say in so many ways I know how you feel.. I found the Love of My Life when I was very young. I was Happy with him truly happy. Things got a lil rocky we were both so young and before we got to get on good grounds then he was killed in a car wreck.. I have never truly healed from it. I have tried in so many ways to move on. I have a husband and children now.. Its been over 10 years since he passed away and I still Miss him and Love him with all my heart. I still stop when a song comes on that would be something he would like or that says something about the way I feel for him or something we listen to together.
It is a hard road to go down but just hang in there and know he is watching over you always.. I hope that you find the peace you need to move on and live your life.. That doesn’t mean to forget him just to be able to live a happy life until you see him again..
I’m so sorry for you pain…