Dear God,
I can’t believe that I’m still a virgin. I am 20 years old and I am confident about myself. I have success in school, work, popular in friends, have good sense of style, and beauty. Seems like everything is perfect, but it is not.
There is this big hole inside my heart. I have been single for 4 years and I don’t even know why. I tried to find love or at least crush but everytime I fail. I am starting to feel that I am a coward because I am not being open enough. I wished I had let go of my virginity long time a go so at least I can play around now. I am a party girl and it’s just a big contrary of what other people think and what I really am. I have tried to lose it with my fling but he stopped halfway, saying that he’s not gonna do it if I don’t feel comfortable, which i know I wasn’t. I didn’t tell him about my virginity and then he found out that I’m a virgin. He told my friend that he wants me to lose it to someone that would treat me right and he is not that person. My friends told me to lose it to someone I love and love me back, or at least like. But it’s just so hard to find him. I have been with lots of jerks and I’m always not interested with the good guys.
I used to be a Catholic and I left because of modernity. I had new perception that religion is mostly made by human. I used to believe in abstinence. Now I just want to lose because I don’t care anymore. I feel so sick of it already. I want to do it because of me, not because of the guy. I know I’m selfish but I am just afraid to get hurt. I have experienced it before and it killed me once. I have been through hell. I just don’t want that to happen again.
But now I’m starting to feel that I don’t know how to love. I feel that I can do all the things without man, I can. But deep down, I am miserably lonely and i know i need an intense relationship, a companion. But I suck at these things. I’m starting to feel sick of my perfectionist and independence. I am suffocated everyday. Sometimes I wish I have been born a man, not a woman. So that I can easily lose my virginity without regret.
God, please help me to find my way back into my identity and love.
Kat - Singapore Share:
March 17th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
I’m nineteen and a virgin. I don’t regret it at all. I’m not gonna change it until I get married. I hope you someday realize Jesus died because He loved you. I’ll be praying for you.
March 17th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Dear Kat,
I can’t even believe what I have just read… There are so many similarities- more accurately, nothing you’ve said is any different from how I feel- even with what you’ve said about Catholicism and religion in general. Our ages and sentiments are mirrored exactly… It’s so difficult to find the right words for this comment to make you believe how truly alike our situation seems to be… I’ve never come across another girl that has felt as I do about her virginity (much less come across a woman my age that is still a virgin…) I actually came to this site tonight hoping to find anyone that was worrying about the same thing at this moment… I never expected to really find someone in the same boat…
I know how badly it complicates things. I’m all too aware of the loneliness it causes and the isolation it instills in one’s mind, heart, and body. No one ever suspects that I am a virgin… And I hate it when anyone finds out or I have to tell them… I find it to be an embarrassing trait- because it’s such a contradiction of who I really am, the way that I think, and the things I desire most.
I had the same experience that you described with your fling… I cared a great deal for the guy I was involved with, but we only had a physical relationship… minus actual intercourse. He found out that I was a virgin and he didn’t want to take our relationship any further for the same reasons that your fling did not… literally an identical situation- even the things that he said.
I get so nervous when I put myself into a sexual situation that I sometimes get physically ill… not because I’m not enjoying myself… but because the only thing I can think of is where the encounter is headed, and what the guy would think if he knew I were a virgin. It’s an automatic reaction, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t make it go away… I can’t just mess around with a guy “for fun’ unless I know him well, and think it may go somewhere… it’s horrible. I don’t really want to lose my virginity outside of a relationship but it’s getting so difficult to resist the urge. I’m so deeply lonesome and there are so many more than willing suitors… I’m just so sick of being hurt.
All of my relationships and crushes thus far have failed miserably. I always wonder if it’s all been due to my still being a virgin… It isn’t that I’m not interested in sex- I’m more preoccupied with it than nearly everyone I come across- it’s just that I want to wholeheartedly give it away to someone. A man that I am turned on by as much as he is by me, someone that I know I’ll enjoy sex with unconditionally.
…I’ve found that person… but he doesn’t know that I’m a virgin, and I’m terrified of the day where I’ll have to tell him… We’ve never even met, and I know it’s completely ridiculous… but he’s honestly the only person that I truly want to lose my virginity to, regardless of whether or not we end up in a relationship. Every day that goes by is like torture. I don’t even know what I’ll do if he one day rejects my sentiments… I certainly have not given him the impression that I am a virgin, and I have no intention of letting him find out until I deem absolutely necessary and safe (at a point where he’ll be happy to take it without strange reservations or thoughts of abandoning me).
I feel as though if I don’t lose it soon, things will only get more and more difficult. I want to have a real relationship so badly, but it’s impossible to do so this way… I long for someone that I can spend my time with, especially without fearing the discussion of virginity. I want an “intense relationship” so badly that I’m afraid I’ll never have one if it doesn’t happen soon… I too am tired of being so independent, I’m so scared that I won’t know how to love someone… and I have also wished that I had been born a man so that I could involve myself in sex more freely than women are “supposed to”- and without regret at the idea of losing my virginity… All of my feelings of unrequited love and extreme lust are killing me- and they’re getting more overwhelming than ever.
It must appear incredibly absurd to leave such a long comment, but I’ve never expressed these sentiments to anyone so candidly… I hope my words have somehow made you feel less alone in your pursuit. Yours have made me feel slightly less strange for still being this way… if nothing else, at least I’ve now heard someone else express the same emotions- it’s nice to actually hear that I am not completely alone. Good luck to us both. If only there wasn’t such a strong stigma attached to being a virgin in this day and age…
March 17th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
You’re going to get 100 comments here telling you not to lose it for the sake of God. I’m going to tell you to wait for the sake of you. To you, and the girl who responded that she is in the same boat, I’ve been there. I was there for a long long time. I lost it for the same reason. Sick of it. Sick of the stigma. Sick of it being such a big enormous deal when it was going on all over the place around you. I remember turning to a friend with my worries, saying I felt like I was less of value, not more of value for still having my virginity. Like no one would touch me and no one wanted to be that first person. As much as they are doing you a favor by saying no, it does nothing to stop the little bit of hurt that comes with the why not? In my case I slept with a friend one random night who could care less if I had been with 0 or 100 people and shocker, it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. That being said, I have no regrets. At the time I was ready, and I must say I’m alot less screwed up about sex in comparison to some of my friends who waited for that perfect person and that perfect night and that perfect time etc….It will come. You will either find some jerk, who could care less where you’ve been, or you will wait, and find someone who treasures the fact that you will remember his face for the rest of your life, even if you forget others that come after it. Either way, I hope that you don’t let that moment become your everthing. Losing your virginity does not define you as a person. There is so much more to a lasting relationship than sex. You have an entire lifetime ahead of you. 20 year old boys are not worthy. Trust me, they don’t know what the hell they are doing.
March 18th, 2009 at 1:19 am
[…] and don’t realize the hurt that is going on out there. Read this quote from the post titled: I Can’t Believe That I’m Still A Virgin. Dear God,I can’t believe that I’m still a virgin. I am 20 years old and I am confident about […]
March 18th, 2009 at 2:15 am
hello, I am a 21 year old dude that is a virgin by choice. in fact, I havnt even kissed anyone. why? I love Jesus and I love my future wife. I want to be pure for both of them. I do not plan on kissing anyone. until I say ‘I do.’
peace
p.s. I have a 24 year old friend with the same story as me
March 18th, 2009 at 2:42 am
Your virginity is something precious and should not be given up so easily. No one should feel bad that they are still virgin. On the contrary, they should be proud that they have remained pure. You should teasure it and guard it. It shouldn’t be something that is to be given so freely. It really boggles my mind how people undervalue virginity — the idea of staying pure and saving it for your husband. When you meet the person you love and he loves you, you both will be sharing something special together after you get married.
I hope that you will not let the world/external circumstances persuade you to give up your virginity so easily because when you give it away, you give apart of you to that person. You give up something that is physical, emotional and spritual to that person. It would be awefully tragic if it was given to someone you do not love and do not plan to spend the rest of your life with.
March 18th, 2009 at 5:01 am
Sex will not gve you the identity and love you are looking for. I will pray for you to find a man that will love you and you can have a strong relationship with. I will pray that God will guide you to finding his love for you so you can build a relationship with him. I’m sorry that your experience with religion has been so frustrating.
I hope that you can see that to have sex simply to have sex will not really satisfy your needs. You will only end up feeling even worse because added to the feelings you already have will be the feeling of helplessness because you have given up your virginity to someone who doesn’t care and then it didn’t work.
I would suggest that you look for love and identity in building up the relationships that you have now - in your friends - and pray and watch for someone in which you can build a loving relationship with. You need to be a whole person before you enter a relationship with another whole person, or you will end up using each other. 20 years old is still very young to find someone to be your partner in life. Don’t push the sex thing in an effort to get there, because that’s really not what it’s all about anyway. Sex builds up a relationship that is already there - it doesn’t create the relationship.
BTW - I waited until I was married, and I am very proud to say that my wife is the only woman I have ever been with. I wouldn’t change it now even if I could.
March 20th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
dear friend
why you shame you must be glad that you are more perfect and clear person than others
also is pride for you that you keep your virginity ,until found your real person ,
the first point you have to do is to accept your self and give love to you ,you are as you are and you need a person in harmony with you
you receive in life what you left for you,do not be strict in you inside and pain your self just love your self and all will come so easy as you do not understand it how can others love us when we stop them
beleve god loves you and wants you to be happy
March 23rd, 2009 at 3:36 pm
I don’t being a virgin has anything to do with God… first off there is nothing wrong with being a virgin.. with all the disease filled creeps out there it’s probably better off that you are… plus the chance for having a unwanted child… trust me sex is overrated.. wait until you find the right man and you will… you will be better off…
March 25th, 2009 at 8:24 am
You know how our crazy culture’s obsession with being thin gives people eating disorders? People forget that eating is fun. It doesn’t have to be an obsessive quest to fill up the holes in our heart…nor is it something evil to avoid. Eating is a part of life. And done in a non-destructive way…it’s just fun. and you need it to survive.
The same thing happens with religion and sex. We get so obsessed with purity, with sex having to be something spiritual, that we get the equivalent of an eating disorder. Either we try to fill up the holes in our heart with sex…or we starve ourselves. But sex, like food, is a part of life. Sex makes you fully alive. This idea that virginity is something precious and must be held onto and protected is such complete bull****…such a product of a time period long long gone when women were essentially property…just a notch above slave labor.
Sex is FUN. Sex is NOT shameful. It’s one of the nicer things about life. Sometimes it happens between two people who are just really attracted to each other and want to have a fling. Sometimes it happens between two people who are committed to each other for life. But in both cases…it’s fun. You will eventually meet someone you want to marry…or not. But in the meantime, join in the festival of living, get yourself a couple nice skirts and some decent shoes, open your heart, meet someone fun and terrific, make sure you don’t get preggers, make sure your partner wears a condom, and enjoy yourself. Learn about what makes you feel good, what makes someone else feel good.
God loves it, nothing makes him happier than two people who are making each other feel wonderful. The only time sex goes wrong is when we start to treat another person like an object. This sorta pisses God off. But this is not your issue.
I mean this, honey. It’s time to live!
March 25th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
I’m a 24-year old virgin. Never been kissed, not had any physical contact. I don’t really mind neither do I think it is something to be ashamed about. One must be always honest with one’s partner, especially if you both really like each other. I think guys wouldn’t be bothered at all when they find out you’re still intact.
To lose one’s virginity for the sake of losing it, is silly. When you really want to have sex, and feel it is the right time - then by all means enjoy the moment. If nothing happens with the relationship, and ended up as just sex, then don’t regret it, because you believed that at the moment you had sex, it was good for you. Do what you feel is right and will make you happy.
March 26th, 2009 at 1:19 am
When you’re a virgin. u just want to lose it..
when u’ve lost it, it is TRULY something that u can NEVER truly restore..
waiting for the right one sounds cliched, but ask ten thousand ladies out there and they will tell u, that once u’ve done it. u’re no longer special..
i think virgins are a group of special ladies… special because they are not like the rest of us.
Trust me, u will not regret waiting to do it with the right one.
losing it to some totally random/not guy is NOT worth it.
that said, the grass IS always greener on the other side..
and some mistakes we learn to live with the rest of our lives..
it’s a mistake i have to live with for the rest of My life..
if i had the chance, i’d wait…
March 26th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
I don’t think it’s a big deal to still be a virgin. 20 isn’t all that old. However, if you leave it too long you could be 28 and still a virgin. The longer you leave it the more you will feel overly nervous about it, and the more pressure there will be to lose it to a perfect person.
It’s not spiritually PC to say this, but I think you should just lose it quickly to someone / anyone. Someone decent who won’t be mean, but not necessarily your soul mate. Have sex a few times just to get that monkey off your back. It will make the next decade a lot easier.
Don’t do anything if you feel too vulnerable, or weirded out. But find a way to just do it.
I know girls who are now in their late 20s and are still virgins. By that stage, it’s totally unclear to them how to go about losing it. God made us all different, but we were biologically designed to have sex in our teens.
Do what feels right, but do it somehow. God Bless
March 27th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Darling,
just go with the flow !! have fun, do not think continiously on that.
you are beautiful, and if your first time is horrible as It was mine, you will laugh many years about it. If your first time
is great and you do it with someone you love, you will have something to tell your daughter!!
Enjoy your firm body, life is ahead of you!! Enjoy it!! it’s a great journey,
Regards
Sol
March 28th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Don’t listen to the Jesus freaks.
Give it up while you can and have fun with it.
Think about it. Sex takes practice, you can’t jump into it and expect to be amazing. And if you think you can wait and have your first time with your wife be amazing, you’re wrong. As uncomfortable as it is for you the first time, it will be a hundred times as much for her. And while you may cum, she is going to die without ever having had an orgasm, and that is truly a sin.
March 28th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
thanks to the asshole named ezra who said “However, if you leave it too long you could be 28 and still a virgin”….!!! all i can do is laugh. i’m 28 and still a virgin and i don’t think there is anything wrong with me. thanks to people like you, there are people who will get pushed into doing things because of what they think others think of them, or what they think “normal” is. there’s no such thing as normal, because everyone can only be themselves. i am me, and being a virgin is a part of me, but not the whole of me. not even the majority of me. religion, choice, availability, spirituaity, opportunity, fear, whatever: i am still a virgin because none of these things and all of them. my advice for this to you, Kat, is never do anything (which in this case is sex) becase you feel like you have to. if it is taking over your thoughts so much, and you have a safe way to do it, then by all means. but don’t do it just to do it, especially if you’re not safe or if you do it with some idiot that you will regret later on.
March 29th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Dear everyone,
I have finally lost my virginity with my fling. We have been seeing each other for only 2 weeks. I know it is very fast but i just felt that it was the right time and right moment. He treated me right like a proper woman. He ensured that I really want to do it and not hurt. The next day he still be a gentleman and accompanied me. but, I actually felt nothing afterwards. I don’t feel sad nor happy, it was a really weird feeling. It was like “oh, that’s it..”
After all, I don’t think virginity is a big deal at all. Of course I would remember this for my entire life, but come to think about it. It was just a start of a journey. Doesn’t matter if it is a good or bad start, it’s your choice to make it up along the way. About the love, I actually feel empty.. I would have prefer to lose it with someone I love. but it’s fine. I believe it takes time until he finally come. sex is just another thing. yes, what travis said its true. it is just there to help build the love. doesn’t matter if i obtained it before or after.
Thank you everyone for the nice comments. I really appreciate all the different thoughts you had all share. I think each one of you have each own uniqueness. The only think is to believe on it. If you believe virginity it’s a great deal and something you will treasure, it will be. for me it is just a different story. Also I wish good luck for the girl who was in the same boat as me too. Find a decent person and just go with the flow. (: All the best.
ps: Thanks God for everything. tho I no longer believe in religion, i still believe in your existence and will always still love you.
Regards,
Kat
March 31st, 2009 at 8:46 pm
I came by this site by chance looking for answers myself, I fast scrolled and stopped at your for some reason. please calm down! Your OK nothing is wrong with you. Just relax and don’t worry about it. The world today wraps too much into sex. You will find someone and it will be great, but if you force the issue it will be noting but pain and heart break. Just relax and then it work out in gods time not yours or your friends. Your OK.
God loves you
best of Luck
Glenn Tanner
April 1st, 2009 at 1:19 am
I’m 25 guy and I’m still a virgin by choice (btw many of my non-christian guy frens are still virgins) and I’ll probably only marry a virgin.
I still believe it’s the right thing and it’s the thing God wants us to do.
Kat, Thanks a lot for sharing, I dunno how many virgin-seeking guys you’ll miss for the decision you made. But I’m sure if you find the right one, he’ll marry you virgin or no =)
All the best! hope you find the right one, keep up the prayers. Don’t worry God still loves you all the same
April 2nd, 2009 at 1:22 am
Dan,
Props to you
April 2nd, 2009 at 4:08 pm
We can’t believe it either.
Just kidding. First stop thinking in terms of ‘virigin’ or not. Stop thinking in terms of ‘have sex’. The image you posted is ideal for expressing this. Men think ‘dick in hole’ == sex == grown up. Women perhaps don’t think in terms of such objectives, they go by how are they feeling, and if you let go of your command and control training and just relax and let yourself experience things with other people, you will find you can be this way too. It’s not a biological limitation, more a political one, and we are conditioned and schooled to think in the terms your image shows all our lives. To undo that takes a concerted conscious effort, but this is the paradox: you are trying to undo the very target-orientated value system, and so you also need to let go of the objective that you seek to gain by doing so! hahaha or else you may as well marry the girl your parents recommend or order a mail order bride if you want to stay in that patriarchal military-factory-production-culture oriented mode. So when you let go of that, who knows, you may still be looking back in 10 years and go ‘hey i *still* haven’t had “sex” … but i’ve lived sex for the last ten years, and enjoyed my time … who cares what my dickhead friends think’.
April 2nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Check this out http://www.iamworththewait.com
Being a virgin is awesome. Lots of people think that having sex will somehow validate them; I was one of those people. It doesn’t validate you; it does just the opposite when it’s done outside of the confines of marriage. My best friend just lost her virginity at age 26 a couple weeks ago. I used to tell her how I admired her for still being a virgin; I lost mine at 19 and wish I could get it back, but it’s really one of the few precious things in life that once it’s lost, there’s no getting it back. Sex isn’t going anywhere.
Freedom?
I will not be bound down and subjected to your rules.
I’m an independent woman,
What you’re preaching is so old school.
I am captain of my ship, master of my destiny
I have the right to express my sexuality
Yes, indeed, I chart my own course
My satisfaction is my reward.
I’m so free,
But now I find my freedom subjects me
To things I’d rather not see
Like the risks I run for contracting an std or HIV
Not too mention unwanted pregnancy
But remember you heard it from me
It’s my body and I’m sexually free?
April 4th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
I used to think virginity was a big deal, but in hindsight, it’s really not. I’m sure lots of people feel the same way, and I suspect that in time many of them will also conclude it isn’t as big a deal as they thought it was. Chances are, years after you’ve lost your virginity, you won’t think much about it - whether you cherish the memory of your first time or regret it, it will be a fairly insignificant event in your life. There will almost certainly be things in your life, positive and negative, that will be much more important and memorable than your losing your virginity.
That statement wasn’t meant to trivialize sex, or virginity, or anything. I’m just saying, it isn’t worth worrying about it a lot. For a lot of people it’s a very precious thing, and for others it’s more like a yoke they can’t wait to get rid of. I think the best advice I can offer is to try to ignore the concept of crossing a threshold, and (to use a trite expression) just follow your heart, and do what feels right. It’s been my experience that physical interaction of a sexual nature, even simply kissing, entails a sense of self-awareness that’s difficult to ignore, especially when approaching or experiencing it for the first time - so if it feels wrong, you’ll probably know immediately, and can act thusly. By simply doing what you feel is right and not regarding the scenario with whether or not you’ll cross that threshold, I think you’re a lot less likely to look back on it and regret it.
By the way, despite all the stereotypes of guys and their single-mindedness about sex, I think it’s possible for guys to regret losing their virginity, or how they lost it (contrary to the original post). I can’t honestly say there’s nothing I regret about losing mine, but of course we all have 20/20 hindsight, right? But that was years ago, and now it’s not a big deal.
If you’re praying about this, I hope God answers you, or at least gives you some peace of mind.
April 6th, 2009 at 3:15 am
I`m 21. Still a virgin. By my choice. I asked myself long time ago - do I have to do it just because “it` s time for big things to happen“?
Now I`m glad I take care about myself and my emotions. And bout a God, well, I do believe in good and bad in people,may say I do believe in God, but in church, I do not believe.. My choice to be a virgin is my free will, it doesn`t matter what God “would tell me“.. Keep chasing your dreams.. Wait for a moment when your inhibitions will disappear. You`ll be glad when you find someone who you can rely on..Why rush?
April 11th, 2009 at 3:40 am
I’m a 20 year-old girl from Singapore too. I’m still a virgin by choice. I know what you mean by that you want intimacy. But I really think that intimacy, that feeling of being really close to someone else (not just physically), isn’t obtained by just sex with anyone. Why would I want to let just any guy get close to me and share my feelings and thoughts and secrets and touch my body? I don’t think virginity should be “lost” but “given”. It saddens me that you were feeling so lonely and desperate, and that you made a decision that won’t promise you the intimacy that you want. My heart really goes out to you dear. Best wishes.
April 11th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
i don’t know what to tell you i am 23 and still a virgin.
i am also a perfectionist and selfish yet i don’t want to regret something i am nit sure of. what to do? I don’t know.
April 13th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
wow.. im jealous.. you should be happy that u r still a virgin. i m 21.. and been with 7 guys.. now when i think about it. it regrete every single one of them. i wish i had save myself for the very special one when i get married.
even my boyfriend now tells me that it’s harder for him to appreciate me when he knows that i been with so many guys. he said is really hard for him to look into my eyes and not think about what all these other guys had done one my body.
dont loose it to some random dude…. save it. since u save it for so long already ….
im sure ur husband will appreciate it.. a lot.
good luck
April 15th, 2009 at 11:55 am
It’s definitely more rewarding to give that part of you to someone you love and intend on being with forever. I didn’t wait and it has caused numerous problems for me emotionally. I’m not saying that would be the case for you. but i am saying that since you still have it it would be best to wait.
My heart aches for you in that i am wanting so badly to convince you that there is someone out there for you and it takes an amount of patience. Love is a far more beautiful and spiritual thing than we make it out to be.
We automatically associate strictly “having sex” as showing love and even though sex is a component of love it is not what love is made of.
I pray and hope that you will reconsider this decision of wanting to lose your virginity.
I don’t know you but with everything i am currently going through with the subject of sex, i find myself in a new state of mind about it. a state where i hope that everyone makes the decision to wait until you find that person that is right for you.
Virginity is so cherished.
I can understand that it is an emotional hurdle to jump over when in society it seems like we GOTTA have sex before we get out of highschool. But it’s just as much of a hurdle when you lose it…because if you lose it with someone just to lose it and then you find someone that means the world to you…you will have wished that you had waited…
I read a comment that said somethign about how God loves us having sex and all this about how staying pure is bull****.
I will agree that God intended sex to be a part of our marriage to someone in order to keep each other happy and pleased. It is intended to be a beautiful thing that is to be for the person God has put in our lives to be married to.
i would love to put more..but i don’t want to fill this with a large wall of words
Final thought: I love you regardless of whehter i know you and i believe this site is an amazing thing in that, it allows people to converse with eachother and offer advice and lift eachother up. Which is something that God has given us the ability to do. I hope to reconsider this agenda and i hope that you perhaps look to the bible for guidance also. But overall if you are weary about something really look to God to help you.
I pray you find comfort in knowing that God loves you and so do i.
April 18th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
I really dig the comment that virginity is not something to be lost, but to be given. Your problem is not that you haven’t “lost” your virginity, but that you WANT to lose it. You WANT something. You want to take something, i.e. sex. But sex isn’t something to take.
Anyway, I’m also 20 (wow, am I old, or what? :O ), and I expect to never have sex in my life. I wouldn’t want to. Intimacy can be had without even having a sexual relationship - speaking from experience. I gave up expecting to have a sexual relationship because, ultimately, it’s not for me. I am attracted to girls, but that doesn’t mean I need to be with one. Having girls as friends is enough. My spiritual ideal is to be able to love all people equally, regardless of gender or anything. That is a thing I would like to be able to give myself and give the world, give every person I meet.
Pursue your dreams, don’t be afraid to be ambitious. When you find a path you love, your chances of meeting a person to be intimate with will increase. This happened to me. Back when I still craved that, I was searching for my first college roommate and couldn’t find anyone until I looked on Facebook. I found the perfect person, but I thought she’d never room with me, and at first she didn’t. But, something funny happened, the other girl realized she was bi and had a problem with it, and since I’d already made an offer before to this person, she asked me this time. Rooming with her was the best decision I ever made. You know, choosing a roommate was a lot like an online dating service - haha! It’s true, other people thought so, too. But especially for me because I like the same gender! So yeah… I mean, I lived with the gal for eight months and nothing really sexual ever happened even though she called herself hypersexual. So, living with her that long, I could know 100% for sure that it would never happen. I barely spoke to her, but I didn’t need to. The silence was very, very intimate as far as I was concerned. That roommate changed my life forever with that friendly intimacy, directly and indirectly. It’s called love, simply love.
What you really need is, I think, love. Thanks to that one asexual relationship I had, I no longer “need” a sexual relationship. I realize that I can have the most beautiful things in the world without a sexual relationship. Now, not everyone is like me. My roommate told me she’s hypersexual, but the thing is… that’s what works for her. She has successful relationships. If you don’t, then maybe you’re more like me than like her - you don’t truly need that. You just think you do, which makes you miserable.
April 21st, 2009 at 9:04 pm
you r so lucky, i did not have a choice when i lost mine, wait and when you least expect it the right person will turn up, love is weird and happens so rarely to a person that im not surprised that u feel the way u do, sex is sooo much beta with someone who loves you than someone who doesn’t, most of us find that out the hard way, so wait, chill out and be proud of yrself
x
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:42 am
Kat,
Don’t sweat it honey. All these things seem larger than life until they happen. I remember crying from the age of 7 until 13 about how I didn’t get my period and never got boobies like all the other girls. Now, a 25 year old healthy young woman, I look back and laugh. Endowed with a set of perfectly tight teenage titties, my invocations were met.
I would like to believe that virginity is a social construct, but the hymen exists to challenge that notion. As a woman, I was never able to rationalize what I thought and felt about sex. No matter how pragmatic I am when I approach the situation at first, I always turn out to be an emotional basket case at some point. With the exception of some colder climate cultures, women are wired differently than men. It sucks and it’s not fair but it feels worse to fight it.
I thought it was important to have as many sexual experiences and partners as possible in my youth. Now I have larger troubles in life. Namely, I am unemployed in this awful economy. Sex, which used to be the only thing that occupied my mind, now seems mundane and annoying. The point is that your tastes change. Decisions that you make when you are 20 may or may not have any bearing on your life when you are 21!
Don’t wear your virginity like a scarlet letter. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Getting your period does not “make you a woman.” Nor does losing your virginity. I am not suggesting that your first time having sex be some santimonious ritual. But at least make sure that it happens with someone that respects you. My first time was neither painful nor emotional. I lost my virginity to another virgin which kind of sucked because he was inexperienced and I was anxious and horny. But at least he cared about me and he wasn’t a douche bag. Ideally, I would have lost my virginity to an experienced, hot, older guy but I’m still looking for one of those.
I promise you that someday (maybe even soon) you will look back and laugh at this concern of yours. Let nature take its course. The girl friends of mine with the seemingly healthiest sex lives are the most laid back about sex and stay in monogamous relationships with guys that care about them, guys that even seem boring. They are not trying to fit in with what the hot bad boys want. I never envied them because I always assumed their boyfriends were boring and really bad in bed. But as it turns out, all my girl friends in “boring” relationships are having the most satisfying sex.
You will gain the wisdom soon to appreciate everything that you are and to understand that most people you encounter are not worthy of you, virgin or not.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:43 am
dear friends,
a friend send me this link, first i thought it was a joke but i see you are all very serious.. so.. i’ll say this
haha.
u are all crazy (very few exceptions). I’m 24 (male) and i’ve lost my virginity at 13. and you know what? sex rules! the end!
And about love, marriage, god and other things like that.. live your life, experience everything you can and have fun, it’s all that matters. Forget what’s good and wrong in society’s and churches brain washing lessons.
If you fall in love, perfect, if not, whatever, don’t wait or think to much about it, it will come.
god and marriage? what makes your god better then allah, muhammad, isis, venus, or other god’s throughout history? some ar polygams, some not, some do sheeps or whatever (yes, there still are religions that promote this).. there are about 2 bilion people that believe in christianity, 1,2 bilion in islam, 1 bilion in hinduism, 400 milion budhist.. and about 5.000 religions in this time, and more then 20.000 that were lost thorough-out history, and you stand here saying to be abstinent before marriage so that god loves you more?
this is you all: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krb2OdQksMc&feature=related
I strongly advise you to believe in yourself and in good better then god, but whatever … believe in whatever you want, whatever makes your life and thoughts easier, but don’t let it stand in your way in doing the things you like.
love you all, have fun..
April 22nd, 2009 at 8:26 pm
whats the point in losing your virginity? its not going to make your world a better place, nor make you feel better. you’ll feel worse afterwards, maybe when u finally marry, and your husband is pure and you’re not. twenty is a time to make mistakes and learn, but losing your virginity is like giving a part of yourself away. don’t give yourself away to someone you’re not sure you’ll marry, or worse, someone you don’t even love with all your heart.
April 28th, 2009 at 1:29 am
i’m turning 26 this year and i’m still a virgin. i’m not religious, just haven’t met the right guy yet. i used to be a bit embarrassed by it, but not anymore - it’s my decision and i don’t really see the point of just f***ing anyone in order to get it over with. if it happens, it happens. so please, don’t stress about it!
May 5th, 2009 at 5:24 am
I’ve been single for 4 years, i’ve tryied to have a crush but i have not success, i’m not a religious person and i’m not a virgin like you but i want more than just sex….i just want someone who really loves me with all his heart.
Don’t stress about it, the guy you are waiting will come sooner or later it’s just a matter of time…
May 5th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Dear Kat,
I should say, you’re not alone hun.. because of bad experienced in my past life, I’ll be 28 this year and I’m still virgin…
the worst part is, I’ve been married once with my childhood friend.
It was 3 years marriage and we still didn’t make it, then we divorced..
Now I’m in relationship with someone I love and I can feel that he loves me too, But the virginty things, my horrible pastlife,, it’s still haunting me.. Right now I’m freaking scare that he would leave me because I can’t make love with him..
My Point is kat dear, you’re not alone… there are ppl out there.. who has the same problem, about your love life, just be sure that God will send you someone who can appreciate you and love you for the way you are, the one who has enough love to show lotta patience..
Hang on dear.. that’s what I do now.
HuGZ,
Rae
May 8th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I WAS A VIRGIN BUT LOST IT LAST YEAR WHEN I WAS 19!! LAPSE IN JUDGMENT I REGRET IT SOOOO MUCH!!! HE WASNT WORTH IT!! KEEP IT FOR MARRIAGE IDEALLY!!! ITS WORTH IT, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH SEX IS OVERRATED AND HOW MUCH YOU’LL REGRET LOSING IT FOR NO REASON.
STAY STRONG YOUR BEAUTIFUL JESUS LOVES YOU
May 15th, 2009 at 8:41 am
Hey losers I don’t believe in all this bull!!** And neither do I believe in God
But you losers should stop this nonsense of having sex with multiple assholes and start giving some attention on your true love
Virginity is a gift of nature that you must preserve
I will not lose it until I find the Real person to share this precious gift with
Stop spamming this site fuckers Virgin or no virgin trust is what builds up a relationship and not the list of people whom you’ve had one night stands with
So long suckers
May 15th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Hey you stupid girl KAT or whatever your hectic name is
Stop dreaming of sex you idiot and concentrate on the true meaning of life
You aren’t here for the sole reason of having sex
You have hell lot of other things to do
Try masturbating may be that might make your perverted mind happy
You lame idiots must stop this crap and get back to work
and do think a hundred times before starting off a discussion on fucking issues like losing virginity and all
>.<
May 19th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
I am 40 years old and I waited to get married before I had sex…..only I never got married. Men looked at me like dirt. No one thought I was even worth the time of day (not even to hold the door for me). I cried, I prayed, I waited. Instead of a husband I got mocked by my peers. I watched people who forsook God get husbands and houses and everything, and all I got was nothing. What do I say? Do what you want. Don’t be a fool like me. I waited and now I am nothing but a fool. No wedding, no flowers, no prince charming. Just loneliness. I love my biological father, and I thank God for him, but he I want a husband too/ Guess that makes me a criminal.
May 26th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Dear Kat,
Actually, there’snothing wrong beig a virgin. In fact, in Islam virginity is something precious and beautoful and the best gift to your future husband. Giving up one’s virginity should be memorable, like your age - once you lost it there’s no turning back. Besides you should give up your virginity to the one you love and to the right person.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:31 am
i do agree with the majority here.
sex is something special and should only truly be lost to someone you really love and someone who really loves and cares about you.
i know sex is tempting and sometimes over controls your mind, and the feeling is way too good to resist.
but after all, just giving up your virgin to some hot guy/girl or just losing it to satisfy your pleasures, its somewhat not worth it.
at the time of sex, you might enjoy it and feel good, but afterwards you might start feeling guilty because you just gave it up to some random person, instead of saving it for that special person.
i am 22 and still a Virgin, i have had chances to have sex at parties and with girls who were my neighbors.
i didn’t go through with it though because i was scared and wasn’t really ready.
and when i was 16-18 years old, girls that iwanted to have sex with (girls i were attracted to and girls that iliked) well they didnt even like me and never wanted to be my g/f.
in this day and age its crazy because of all the diseases,virusses,and bacteria going around from sex. its hard to say who is clean and who is not.
sex is definitely a gift from god. and as a gift, i dont believe it should be mis-used.
everyone has a different view on sex though.
and girls who say they want to have sex with older men, because they are more experienced and know what to do,
that is not always true. there is no such thing as more experience or more pleasurable sex (its just over-hype of the media,and society).
most of the time pleasurable good sex depends on how healthy you are.
people who smoke such as girls/guys. it slows down their sex drive.
and sex doesnt always feel better as a Teen, its just when your a Teen your hormones are urging……
but sex is sex basically until your 40 years of age.
the point is, have sex until marriage with someone you really love and care about, because it will be more special and you will enjoy it more without being ashamed or feeling weird about it.
June 20th, 2009 at 1:17 am
hi virgin girl i hoping you still virgin.dont be shy you must be pleased with this.like jesus mother.best wishes byeeeee
July 1st, 2009 at 8:42 am
Your story sound just like me I grew up as a catholic, popular, beautiful, and the only virgin that was in my circle. Spiritually you stand out!!! Embrace it. Trust GOD it is a beautiful thing, marriage is the best thing for you. It is not always about what we see in mass media, and especially what our peers are doing. It is more important how you will feel, I know the experience is unknown for you, and you are curious, but sex is not so great unless you share it with someone on a deeper level that love you the way you love yourself!!!
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:10 am
Hi everybody,
I ‘m 33 and still virgin, i do not mind at all, but i’m very proud to have a great respect for my body and save it for the special one as the greatest gift for him. It does not bother me , i know that the most of this society is based and focused just in sex-worse than the animals do. no judges to anyone not even admirations.
I wish everybody to think twice before they push themselves to having sex. Remember that nobody dies for not having sex, but from having sex may cause you different ddiseases ( emotional, psyco-physical)
Be brave and respect your body as human beings belong to.
July 14th, 2009 at 12:28 am
hey!
i totaly get the feeling, as i felt the same at your age. i only lost my virginity when i was 21 and by that time i was so desperate just to loose it, so that i could get on with my life.
i have subsequently lost my virginity, and yes fun has been has by all.
my caution to you would be, do not assume that a sexual relationship = an intense relationship. i have been having sex for a couple years now, and like you i am unable to be with completely random people, yet i still experience that same loneliness you speak of.
do not let peopel put you off, sex is a beautiful thing and only you will know when you are ready.
stay up!
July 29th, 2009 at 3:36 am
Hey um 23, still a virgin…I have a boyfrnd who’s a virgin too…I am a HINDU from India….We r firm on nt having sex…each tym we see each other,we get more closer, our love seems to grow enormously….This has been possible only due to abstinence.Sex is commonplace thing…Even a wild dog fucks a bitch…We as humans should make love differently….Sex is a thirst, dat u need to quench periodically…whereas love is a relatnship much higher in rank than sex….We in India, believe in this…..so 95% Indians don’t have sex before marriage…nd for this reason, our marriages last forever…Percentage of divorces are close to 3%….Its better to focus our sex energy on more productive things in life…like social service,taking care of parents,acquiring knowledge etc…Sounds wierd, isn’t it? YES, THIS CAN BE DONE ONLY THROUGH YOGA……
So all u virgins,don’t feel ashamed of being one…..u r the PUREST ones…..
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:06 am
i’m a virgin and i think you should be proud, there is not many girls your age who can say that, and i certainly don’t think you need too worry about it.
Dont let people put you off, you’ll know when you’re ready and you’ve found the right person.
August 16th, 2009 at 10:47 am
HELLO PEOPLE! ARE YOU LISTENING OR READING???!!!
KAT WROTE AGAIN AND SAID SHE LOST IT TO HER FLING!!!
UGH! SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT!
life has so much to offer. sex is so minute in comparison and not worth dwelling over. when i lost mine, my friends said i was “part of the crew.” ha! in reality - I never felt more isolated. isolated from people and their behavior. the things they perceive as “cool” and “fun.” how pathetic that you should focus all your energies on something so unimportant. sex is temporary, limited and not even necessary.
nobody NEEDS anyone. there is no such thing as the RIGHT person. these are just desires, temptations, fanstasies. these do not fulfill you or complete you.
Faith is belief without proof. why couldn’t you just accept that what you had was special?
August 19th, 2009 at 8:33 am
Hey Kat,
you don t have to even think about that. Things happen when they are meant to happen. And if is such a big deal just loose it, get drunk with the most handsome guy and start to party.
You should be looking for love, and love is in you very best friends and family.
Bye!
August 25th, 2009 at 2:04 am
Hi kat, having that big hole in your heart doesn’t have anything to do with virginity or sex at all, trust me. You are 20 years old, confident about yourself, have success in school, work, popular with your friends, have good sense of style, and beauty. Seems like everything is perfect, as i see it. Losing your virginity is not the answer to the loneliness you feel, don’t rush things. You should wait for the right time and for the right man. And it will be the best feeling that you’ll ever have, and since you’ve already lost it i hope you be happy with it.
August 25th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Having your virginity does not define you as a woman! Why would you think being a virgin makes you a failure?! From your post you seem to have the idealogy that sex is the most important thing to have! You have so much more to do in the world! Why worry about one little thing? You’re young! You can have a life while you can. Sex isn’t something to have just to have it. Trust me you have not experienced hell. People starving, no opportunities, no say in life have experienced hell! You’re only seeking pleasure and status.
September 5th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
”You know how our crazy culture’s obsession with being thin gives people eating disorders? People forget that eating is fun. It doesn’t have to be an obsessive quest to fill up the holes in our heart…nor is it something evil to avoid. Eating is a part of life. And done in a non-destructive way…it’s just fun. and you need it to survive.
The same thing happens with religion and sex. We get so obsessed with purity, with sex having to be something spiritual, that we get the equivalent of an eating disorder. Either we try to fill up the holes in our heart with sex…or we starve ourselves. But sex, like food, is a part of life. Sex makes you fully alive. This idea that virginity is something precious and must be held onto and protected is such complete bull****…such a product of a time period long long gone when women were essentially property…just a notch above slave labor.
Sex is FUN. Sex is NOT shameful. It’s one of the nicer things about life. Sometimes it happens between two people who are just really attracted to each other and want to have a fling. Sometimes it happens between two people who are committed to each other for life. But in both cases…it’s fun. You will eventually meet someone you want to marry…or not. But in the meantime, join in the festival of living, get yourself a couple nice skirts and some decent shoes, open your heart, meet someone fun and terrific, make sure you don’t get preggers, make sure your partner wears a condom, and enjoy yourself. Learn about what makes you feel good, what makes someone else feel good.
!”
^ So true. Thanks for that, whoever posted!
September 12th, 2009 at 7:36 am
not everything in this world is about sex people.. there is more to life than you know it.. why be bothered by the pressure it ain’t right just to give up something just because evrybody else is doing it.