Dear God,I love you, but I think you’re way wrong about sex. I’ve been dating the same girl for three years and for two and a half we fought our desires because people claiming to talk for you told us to. Eventually it was too much and we gave in. It was one of the best choices I’ve ever made.
Are we humans taking you too literally? Have your words been distorted by 2000 years of human pride and greed? I think so.
But I wait to hear from you.
Matthew, United States
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June 6th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
i think having sex isn’t for everyone, but it’s great that you are sleeping with someone you love. if only i would do the same. you’re a role model, be proud of your decisions. i know i would want to hold out until i knew it was right. thanks matthew.
June 8th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
no matthew, it’s great. you’re right. jesus had sex, and kids. it’s father, son and mother, not holy ghost. anti-sex is anti-female, and god is anything but… mother earth, father sky? who knows, but look at a flower and tell me fertility is an accident. i love sex, love my son, and think a lot of humanities problems stem from repressing our natural, sexual selves. just be honest with your partners and with yourself and fuck to your heart’s content! and watch this movie with your loved one… it has a lot to share about the topic!
love,
james
June 8th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
You should do whatever you think it’s right for you and those things that make you feel in peace with you and God.
God isn’t mad with you for having sex. I think God is happy that you’re happy.
June 9th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
The Bible was not wrong and God made rules for reasons. Just wait and see as you live your life the ramifications of your actions, if you like you can read the many other problems pre marital sex has caused on these pages.
Yeah its fun and nice, but it is for a married couple, if you serve God.
Do whatever you think is right??? I like to kill puppies and kittens- with a house brick, I think that, that is right.
June 10th, 2008 at 1:10 am
Sex is something beautiful, and that is why it is reserved for the person who you give yourself to completely in marriage. God is not opposed to sex, but rather He values it so much that it is protected by something sacred. When you are with your girlfriend/boyfriend, I know its easy to think you’ll be together forever - but all to often its not the case, and then its sad that you cannot give completely everything to the one who you vow to stay beside til death do you part.
Sounds cheesy i know, i’m not into cheesiness, but seriously its SO worth it to wait to seal your love with a vow, which means so much, before you start having sex.
http://www.pureloveclub.com/chastity/index.php?id=7&entryid=95
June 10th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Amen Matt, amen. You are 100% right there is nothing wrong with sex.
June 11th, 2008 at 8:46 am
marcus-
comparing the brutal murder of animals to sharing love with someone you feel compelled to is erroneous. what strikes me most about your comment is how your zealotry shines through. why is it that you can’t accept that there are plenty of people who have had pre-marital sex and go on to be caring, kind and warm-hearted people who don’t suffer intense ramifications? there is plenty of evidence for that, as well as plenty of evidence that people get married for the wrong reasons (an intensified sexual appetite due to staving it off in an unhealthy way not being the least). there is plenty of evidence that marriages fail due to these things being rushed.
maz -
i agree with what you say in the sense that sex is fantastic with someone you love, but i disagree that the institution of marriage is the gateway to such an opportunity. i have been deeply in love before, and sex with that person was a very dear experience to me. i made the promise in my heart to her, and she did to me. it is difficult to calculate where life will take you, and we took different paths, but that doesn’t cheapen what our promise was to each other, or make it less valid than something sealed with a ring. i have seen my fair share of marriages that didn’t have love compared to what we had - perhaps the problem isn’t that people take sex too lightly, but that they take love not seriously enough.
June 12th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
A man with a bone is worth two in the bush. Booyah! PS Go Jeebus
June 13th, 2008 at 7:50 am
Matthew,
I know that sex is a wonderful, beautiful experience. That’s why God gave it to us as a gift! Sex is an integral part of a successful marriage.
I struggled with God’s instructions about sex for a long time. I didn’t understand why He would prohibit me from taking part in such a fun, beautiful act with someone I loved. Eventually my way won out, and I ended up entering a sexual relationship with the man I was dating at the time. We were together for two years, had a great relationship, and sex seemed to be the long-awaited next step. When we finally broke up, I had a terrible time parting ways with him. Looking back, I fully, 100% believe that our sexual relationship was mostly to blame for the difficulty I had getting over him.
Sex is such an extremely intimate act. It is the literal and figurative coming together of two people at their most personal places - body and hearts. The bond that is created by sex is so much more than just a physical one. Regardless of how we feel about sex or the person we’re having sex with, sex connects us in ways we might never understand or believe. I think this is the main reason why God instructs us to abstain from sex unless we are in a marriage relationship. Why would we want to enter a marriage anything less than whole?
It has been years since my tumultuous break-up, and I have been married to a wonderful man for more than 5 years. The most serious issues we struggled with in our young marriage centered around my sexual history with this other man. I have since urged the people I counsel to be vigilant in protecting themselves and saving themselves for their future spouse. I wish I had known then what I know now…
I continually thank God for His forgiveness and patience with me. His love truly “keeps no record of wrongs,” and I cannot begin to express how thankful I am for that.
I pray that your relationship remains a successful one - that you and your girlfriend have a long, loving future together. Seek God, and He will show Himself to you.
Praying for you and thanking Him for your honesty,
K
June 16th, 2008 at 8:53 am
How could God be wrong about sex? He invented it. He lets us choose to follow his instructions, or make up our own plans. Of course you can be happy in following your own way. But I believe God knows what is best for us, and his boundaries are there for very good reasons. I hope you remain happy and blessed in your life. When troubles come (in this or any area) God is there to pick up the pieces and to shower us with his abundant love. You have to live your life the way you choose, and I hope you stay happy. But I wouldn’t say God was wrong about his maker’s instructions… ‘all things are permissable but not all things are beneficial…’
June 17th, 2008 at 5:17 am
Why is it that religious people seem to have a problem with pleasure? And have a pleasure in guilt? The church benefits out of this guilt that is instilled in us; we need to find salvation; we need the church because we’re sinners (yet the most natural thing is a sin!).
Why can’t people live according to what they feel and inherently know is right, not what someone has told them ‘God says’. Who told them that? We’re animals. It’s natural. We like to think we’re not; that we’re special. We do this by living according to ‘laws’ that are thousands of years old, many of which should have no relevance today.
Anyway, I could rant on and on, but these things depend on your personal situation, and nobody can tell you what’s right and what’s wrong. Just don’t feel guilty.
July 5th, 2008 at 6:19 am
matthew
what you’ve found is something a lot of people have never and will never discover. including those telling you to wait until marriage and all that nonesense. you’ve found someone you love and your actively sharing that love with her. you do whats right for you and enjoy the love that you have now. i’m more than certain God put all of this in motion so don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for it
July 10th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Matthew,
They HAVE been distorded.
Go check it out & study further on “what God has to say” in these resources, if you feel like it of course, not trying to push you into anything, for GOD does not push anything into anything. And plus, to hear God, go inside. Search within, see what this calls on you to do. Then do it. Be it.
“Conversations with God 1,2 & 3″ and entire materials by Neale Donald Walsch
Anything by Deepak Chopra
Anything Eckhart Tolle
These should help you get in tune with Life-God-Love-Self = for all these are synonyms.
EVOLVEE.
July 10th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
-sigh-
your understanding just may be a misunderstanding. i’ve two books for all of you to read and a third after you read the two to put pleasure(in this case sex), sin, and God in hopefully a more proper perspective in the Christian worldview
1.Mere Christianity by CS Lewis
2. Confessions by Augustine
then:
3.Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis
suffice it to say(summary): 1. that Sex is good (came from God after all, as ALL pleasures, the devil for all his brilliance has yet to invent one)
2. Sin mostly is the fruit of an illigetimate pursuit of a good
3. God is love(not our conventional definition of it(love) i daresay)
4. Fide et Ratio, God bless you all.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
I agree with Marcus. Nothing is wrong with being in love. But when you have sex outside of marriage, it invites God’s judgment and gives the devil a foothold into your life. It takes away the truly special bond that you would share with your wife. Every person has their own mind state. You may choose to be faithful and later she may not and (God Forbid) you could catch a disease. Or your heart may end up getting broken. Who’s to say your girlfriend will be your wife and if she is not ,she will take a piece of you with her and when you do decide to marry someone , your spaecial gift will be scattered with someone you are no longer with and it also distorts your vision. What seems to be the person of your dreams , may only be a distraction from the devil and may end up blocking who God truly has for you! I say this as boldly as I do because I speak from experience. God loves you~unconditionally!!! He does not hate the sinner- He hates the sin. Because the only purpose in sin is to destroy your soul. Read your Bible and ask God to make His way clear before you and ask Him to give you the strength to follow the right way. The way of the Lord is the best decision you will ever make!
Being attracted to someone is tempting but if your love is really love ,sex can be put on hold until marriage. God is concerned about EVERY detail of your life and that is why He cares enough to tell you the truth. God Bless you and you’ll be in my prayers.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:39 am
God never said that having sex was wrong.
(He didnt ask u to never have sex.)
He just said, sex should be kept within the boundaries of marriage.
and when u do, wait till the time is right, there u can enjoy all the pleasures fully, without guilt or shame.. and with someone u know will be fully committed to u, and u to her.
July 17th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
-Marcus
Bible CAN be wrong
Differentiate Bible and God. God do speak through Bible. But it was written by His men. His men awere human. Try to think other aspects: historical background, educational background, subjectivity, conditions of health while writing, and the script that had been founded are not complete. Some of them are missing or possess great opportunity to be misinterpreted. Think those.
Bible is no God. God is God.
August 4th, 2008 at 7:43 am
widy - you’re right god ? bible… god = god. there has been much meddling in the (various) bibles through translation, editing, hubris, etc… that being said…
to all the christians judging folks on their interpretations about what god’s idea of what sex and love and marriage are, remember this quote: “Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ˜Let me take the speck out of your eye” and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-6
if a human being has a relationship with god, and love, sex, or whatever with someone else, it can be a very faithful act, and lead to great love of god… speaking from experience, i am married with child and the sex is great, and real, and more meaningful than the sex pre-marriage, but i don’t regret at all the sex i had earlier… if anything the relationships (and the sex) i had made me more prepared, more honest and more faithful in the idea of love and fidelity… i’m not knocking it if you want to save yourself for marriage, that’s fine and maybe good, but i’m knocking it if you JUDGE other people’s choice.
that judgement often contains PRIDE, and since we’re talking scripture here, let’s remember… there are many things that the bible labeled an “abomination” (t????? in the original language) one of them is a PRIDEful look (”a haughty face”). i only bring this up because i think people take a selective reading from the bible. anyway, the same root word (t?????) is applied in leviticus in relationship to homosexuality as in proverbs to PRIDE. while it’s very common to hear bible-literalists arguing against homosexuality, they rarely argue against pride, in fact they are often argue against homosexuality in a very prideful way! this is hypocritical, and revisionist.
and just to be clear: i have a lot of devout, christian friends. we talk bible all the time, and god. we respect each others choices and find biblical basis for a great variety of ideas. one of the beauties of the bible (despite the tampering, editorializing, missing books, etc…) is that it is an initiatory text. the deeper you go into the ocean of god, the more varieties of fish one can find. to say it another way, god speaks to each in their own language, with wisdom for the place they are, at the time when they need it. so don’t assume what god says to you is the same god says to anyone else… that assumption shows PRIDE, and hypocrisy.
jesus says (John 13:34-35) “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye LOVE one another; as I have LOVEd you, that ye also LOVE one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have LOVE one to another.” if you assume you know EXACTLY what god wants it isn’t LOVE, it’s PRIDE. same goes for me. if i assume i know EXACTLY what god wants for me (or others) it’s PRIDE. so i try to be honest and skeptical of assumptions from any side of any argument. in the end, i pick what seems the most ethical, just and LOVEly from all the ideas and (conflicting!) opinions people and religions give me. if someone else arrives at a different choice by doing the same practice, that’s o.k. by me. that’s LOVE. love is also stepping in and speaking up when you see someone hurting themself (as i assume someone will try with me). but mind that if that stepping in is done with intolerance, hubris or PRIDE, it isn’t love, it’s an abomination.
August 4th, 2008 at 7:46 am
oops, some of the special characters in my last post didn’t come out correctly.
the first line should read “god does not equal the bible, god equals god”
in the fourth paragraph i had used the phonetic spelling of “to’ba”, which is the original hebrew word that our english bibles translate into “abomination”
sorry for any confusion.
August 11th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Thank you James. You said exactly what I needed to hear.
matthew.
August 16th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
yes we christian are not to judge, but are we gg to sit by and let a friend commit a sin?
the saying goes: love the sinner, hate their sin.
i guess alot of christians act judgmentally but when they are stopping you, its out of love. it is PRIDE on both parties. the one going to commit the sin is too proud to admit he is wrong and would want to go and commit the sin. the “judgemental” one seems self righteous for pointing out the “going to be sinner’s” mistake…
so i urge all christians to out more caring and loving and less judgemental to the other party…
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:24 pm
It’s interesting to read the comments stating that sex is a privelage granted to a couple locked in the Holy bonds of Matrimony. Would any of us enter into a life long binding contract without fully understanding it’s terms? Sex for anyone experienced enough to understand this is an integral part of any relationship, while it is not the whole it is a very large part. And yet these testimonies seem to revolve around “ramifications” or “personal difficulties” does cultural context not enter your mind? Had the possibitlity that naivity and a lack of understanding had and is causing your suffering become a thinking point?
How odd to find an entire group of people who believe the creator of the planet and all life contained there in would admit a rapist and murderer to heaven provided he accepted Jesus as his savior in his final moments; but would condemn a starving child who never knew his name for stealing food to an eternity of torment and suffering. As the man himself said “How is it that my father in heaven could treat me with less love and understanding than my father on Earth?”
September 4th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
Marriage doesn’t necessarily mean that the people involved love each other.
Two people out of marriage doesn’t necessarily equal they don’t.
A ring and a piece of paper don’t prove much.
September 4th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Wow, I don’t know. I’m a Christian, and I can’t seem to wrap my head around it either. It seems like there are so many different types of people, is one partner for all your life right for everyone? (I don’t mean that as in a bad way, being promiscuous.)
I don’t know, to be honest. I wish I knew. I’m a virgin, but I keep thinking about the sex issue. I hope I will find out what is best for me so I can live the best life I can.
Sex seems like such a beautiful thing, and I know God thinks its beautiful. We are sexual by nature. Why it’s not meant to be shared by someone you love, even if your not in love doesn’t quite seem to make seem to make sense. I can see problems that can occur, but I think sometimes it’s not wrong.
Am I wrong? Probably. I believe in intentions though. Where is your heart?
I believe God loves you. I honestly do.
September 8th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
i dont know if this will actaully get read by you matthew but i’ll say it anyway
i dont think you did anything wrong
im not a religous person but i think if you and your girlfriend did something so special
it can only be called an act of love and like i said im not a beliver but i dont think god would have a problem with an act of love.
thats just my opinon im not out of high school yet so i dont know if that made any sense but i just thought i’d voice my opinion
good luck with everything
peace pot and tequilla shots xx TGFA
October 1st, 2008 at 4:31 am
Matthew,
It’s easy to shape our own God to fit our feelings, experiences, and desires. Please look deep within and make sure you’re not doing that. If in the end there is guilt, let it go with repentance. We’re not perfect.
October 23rd, 2008 at 7:24 pm
People, its plain and simple you can argue for days on this topic but god has no grey area….
If you are a christian and claim jesus christ as your savior, then you are instructed by the bible to stay a virgin till you are married…end of story. Christians if you disagree with the book in which you base your faith on then you might wanna rethink your views. Im not condeming anyone for making a mistake…we all sin daily. we all fall. pre marital sex for christians is another sin and thing they struggle with. abstaining is a instruction, and as a christian you are supposed to follow it. if you dont. well were lucky god is merciful and we have jesus christ that saves us from eternal punishment from sin.
if you are not a christian, then you are bound to no commitment, have as much sex as you like…although no matter what religious position you are, saving sex for marriage is a great thing to do…and it cant hurt.
November 8th, 2008 at 8:46 am
There is nothing wrong with sex. There is only things wrong with the situations people have sex in. Outside of marriage is wrong, no matter how you look at it. If you are in love with her and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, then marry her now!! You have been together for three years!!! Either you are not prepared to marry her or that you simply do not want to spend the rest of your life with her!!! From my experience knowing full well that you are going against God’s will puts you further away from him and can deeply hurt your fellow Christians.
The first followers of Jesus were prepared to give their lifes for his memory, bare that in mind when you think about waiting to have sex until you are married. Not really much of a comparison is it??
December 15th, 2008 at 7:29 am
I think the real problem, and not needed is the case-in-point, is that young christians want to have sex so much that they get married way too young. I’m 21, we don’t live in the same state, we’re not going to get married yet.
December 27th, 2008 at 9:03 am
Excuse me, to everyone who has written things such as “God knows what is better for us” or “his rules are there for a reason”…. did God himself talk to you and said that he was not ok with premarital sex? just wondering….
I mean how can you know that that is what he wants or what he expects from you? I believe God is happy if you share such a beautiful gift as sex with a person you truly love. I also believe that us humans and the catholic religion have distorted his “rules” and messages over thousands of years.
Matthew, God is not wrong about sex. I think it is a blessing that you have found love, I am truly very happy for you and I really hope it works out for you.
Fran
January 22nd, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Now hold on. You can speed down the highway doing 115 in a 60 and not get pulled over, but there always the chance theres a cop waiting for you. Dont play with fire, you might get burned.
January 29th, 2009 at 5:56 am
It’s taken me years to figure out the no sex before marriage argument.
The first person you have sex with should also be the last because:
– you need to be deeply in love with that person, not acting like you love them to get sex
– once you’ve had sex with a second person, your mindset changes drastically. Now it’s more about the act of sex than building a long-term relationship.
– Sooner or later (generally immediately) you begin comparing sex partners. “She did this much better than you!” “He never had that problem!” “You never really loved me, did you?” This superficial comparison makes relationships a no-win game. You can’t have Beyonce’s abs, Jessica Alba’s butt and Rihanna’s face; in fact, most of us would be lucky to date Alba’s ugliest third cousin. Thus the typical tale of multiple partners who never settle down and get married. THIS IS NEARLY ALWAYS FATAL to any relationship.
–God realizes the downward spiral people take as they date/sleep with 5, 10, 25, 50 people. God is love, and both evaporate as you explore sex with mutiple partners. No single person will be the best
To win in life, search hard for love and a great, long-lasting friendship. Everything else will fall into place. And if you haven’t been with 10 other people, then the sex will definitely be the best in your lifetime. Loyalty helps here tremendously!
Best of luck.
April 15th, 2009 at 8:38 am
Sex is a beautiful and natural progression of love. If it is god that you believe created existance then sex is a part of that and must be accepted as the beautiful act it is and not as something to be ashamed of. Humans (like all animals) are born with the instingt to pro-create, to start a new life through love. However, humans were given intelligence not claws and through the power of thought we have manged to ruin something wonderful and make it shameful, it is not your god that set these rules, only his robed ‘disciples’ here on earth have corrupted the world with their cravings for power. These men are an example of what happens when a person is sexually stiffled, what happens when nature is impeded. Be happy dude, enjoy life don’t waste it feeling guilty for instingts that are rooted so deeply in the phsyce through billions of years of evolution.
August 15th, 2009 at 1:26 am
The question isn;t about why you should have sex. It;s about why you feel you can have sex with her and not offer her the ultimate commitment of marriage? Are you using her? Waiting for something better? Unsure about your feeiling (other than you feel you wanna have sex?)
God loves you and her. And he invented sex. He didn;t say don;t do it. He says do it in the context of a “I’m with you till I die” commitment.
Believe me when I say that’s the besy sex any human being can have.
It’s honouring to her. And right for you,
You;re the one thats being proud in thinking the rules need to make an exception for you. The rules are actually good. Good for you. In fact the best thing that ever happened to you
The guys that submit are the ones that are humble.
September 3rd, 2009 at 2:36 pm
i am a christian and i have been in a relationship for ova a year now and i lost my struggle with abstinance a little while ago.
All my life a have said that i am never going to have sex before marrage and i have always had very good reasons to back myself up (alot the same as ‘looking for god too’). but then all of a sudden i began questioning everything that i beleived about Sex.
i got thinking ‘what was marrage?’ in the socio-cultrual contex of when the bible was written. might marrage have just been the deep love and commitment between two ppl, no ring or paper required? i asked myself so many questions, debating within myself weather or not sex before marrage was ok. and i came to the conclusion that if i truly loved and was dedicated to the person (that i may very well marry) that it was ok, and that even if i got it wrong that God would not condem me to hell for eternity. see like when you look at all the denominations of the church there is acctuly some radical differences. Do you think god is going to condem Pentacostals cus’ they let wemon preach or condemn bretherens cus’ they dont let weomon preach? God is a merciful god!! so what do you think?
i am not saying that i am RIGHT and every one else is WRONG cus’ i will not no until i am standing with god and can acctully ask him myself. but i truly beleive within my own self that what i am doing is not wrong. I pray that i really am not just manipulating the bible (which was orrigionally god breathed) to a way that would suit my selfish desires but hey.
Life is so confusing
pray, listen, and trust that your decicion is what is what god had planned for your life.
expiriences build life
God bless
N
March 11th, 2010 at 4:30 pm
It does seem that everybody is into this kind of stuff lately. Don’t really understand it though, but thanks for trying to explain it. Appreciate you shedding light into this matter. Keep it up