Dear God,
When I was a kid my mother used to say that my body was my temple. I never liked my mother and now she’s dead. Maybe everything I’ve done since then has been an attempt to exorcise her memory. When I think of all the men I’ve had sex with it seems like the only explanation. It’s not like I’m attracted to them - many of them are ugly, some of them are fat and most of them I can’t even remember. Most of them are married guys I meet online. I’d like to feel guilty about sleeping with the love of somebody else’s life – but I don’t. Maybe it’s because I’ve never had a love I can compare it to. Please God, what can I do? I know I’m a sex addict but I don’t know why and I think I might be at the end of my rope. I was never religious when I was a kid – I hated church and everything that went with it. But now I find I’ve exhausted every avenue. There’s nothing left. Are you there God?
Tina in Chicago
April 7th, 2008 at 2:00 am
idea: Is it possible for you Tina to use sex to make love? best wishes
April 10th, 2008 at 12:28 am
My past was similar to yours. When I was ready for help it came in the form of rehab (12 steps/AA). I have also done a lot of work (therapy) around my family and found out why I felt I had to engage in those behaviors. It’s amazing how different I am today. I do not regret or feel shame for the things I’ve done. I do feel sad for the person I was and that I ever felt compelled to abuse myself that way. I have a very healthy and fun sex life today. God, as I understand him, created sex so I think it is a gift. I found therapists and women I could trust that shared similar values with me (that is they weren’t condemning) to talk with . I didn’t go through a church, but I still was able to find a path to God. We can be healed. I kept at it and my prayers were heard. It’s amazing what self-respect feels like. It’s better than any orgasm I’ve ever had (and that’s saying a lot:) Everyone that I know that has gone through great change had to really be fed up before they were ready. It is my hope for you that you are not too hard on yourself. So many of us have been there. You’re not alone. Thanks for sharing your prayer.
(Sex Anon is a 12 step program that allows you to approach God and yourself without having to “buy” anyone else’s religion”
April 10th, 2008 at 7:05 am
Hello,
My name is Snejana Farberov, and I am a reporter for the Columbia News Service, carried by the New York Times News Wire to 400 papers around the country. I have stumbled upon this Web site a few days ago, and the concept behind it really fascinated me. I am looking to write an article about new ways in which people connect to God and find spirituality in their lives using modern technology.
I would like to have the chance to talk to people from this Web site about their spiritual experiences that broguht them to this unusual forum. Please e-mail me if you’re interested at sf2345@columbia.edu.
Best regards,
Snejana Farberov
April 10th, 2008 at 8:32 am
God is there talk to Him pour your heart out, he longs for you to speak to Him. He wants a relationship with you. He loves you. There is nothing you can do that will make him love you any less. Confess your sin and turn away from it. Ask him to rid you of your sinful desires. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way”. Psalm 139: 23-24. Dont worry Even the most prominent biblical leaders struggled with sexual desire and lust just read the story of David. He can make you a new creation if you just let Him. Give Him control of your life. Pray start reading the Bible. Find a good church that you feel comfortable in. Ask God to help you, if you are willing to change He will help. He is abounding in love and slow to anger. God Bless you. : )
April 12th, 2008 at 2:41 am
I understand your story. That was me. I’m happily married now, and have been for 3 years. Here’s my suggestion. Take a break from sex. It worked for me. I don’t know who told me to do this, but someone did. Someone told me to got 30 days with no sex, in fact to go 30 days without even dating. To stay off of dating websites, out of chat rooms, out of bars. Anywhere I went to find men. I was supposed to date me. Sounds dumb, but I tried it. I spent my time reading books I’ve always wanted to read. I cooked for myself. I even took myself on a couple of dates (dinner and a movie, a walk on the beach). I ended up picking up a Bible. I met Jesus in a way that I didn’t know He existed. He became my entire life. And then he brought my husband to me. My husband and I abstained from sex until our wedding night. (OK, so that WAS the hardest thing ever, but it set him FAAAAR apart from any other man that I had been with). So, try it. 30 to date yourself. I dare you.
April 13th, 2008 at 3:02 am
Find the book: “Love Sick” by Sue William Silverman.
I’m a 21 year old boy, not a sex addict, and I still find this book very interesting.
April 14th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
I’ll bet anyone interested in wagering that the “reporter” claiming to be from the Columbia News Service is actually just some horny guy who is looking to meet a sex addict. Come on, “Snejana Farberov”? If that isn’t a made up name, then I don’t know what is.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Hi Tina
I would really encourage you to listen to Gabrielle (Nashville)> No matter what the addition, to drugs, alcohol or sex, there is a way out through rehabilitation, following a progam with people who understand exactly what you are doing and going through. There is no doubt that there is a deeper issue, maybe related to your moher, which you need to explore through therpeutic means and this may help you to stop hurting yourslf.
You deserve to be happy and alhough this may take enormous strength, asking for help is the only way.
Good luck to you.
April 15th, 2008 at 12:46 am
•Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA)
12 step recovery for sexual addiction
•S-Anon
12 step recovery for relatives and friends of sexually addicted people
•Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLA)
12 step recovery for 12 step recovery for sex and love addicts
•Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
12 step recovery for those with sexual disorders / addictions
•Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA)
12 step recovery for those afflicted with sexual compulsions
Love Tim
April 15th, 2008 at 1:04 am
Look deep inside you, be pacient, be happy.
April 15th, 2008 at 3:19 am
wow, Jonson is SUCH an idiot… you redneck really can’t imagine someone having a foreign name, so it has to be made up?
she gives an email address from Columbia University, you narrow-minded imbecile, shouldn’t that be enough to clear your suspicions? if it isn’t, you could call Columbia and ask if there is actually a student by that name that works in the News Service.
ps. both first name Snejana and last name Farberov appear to be eastern European, you ignorant jagoff.
ps2. it’s because of the hopelessness in people like you that North American universities are accepting more foreign students every day.
April 15th, 2008 at 5:20 am
Jonson, I’ll take you up on that bet and I’ll win too. Google the lady’s name.
I really enjoy sex but I’m not a sex addict. Has to be with the right person though and that takes time. Jumping right in…. I’m so over it!
If you don’t have respect yourself (and you prob don’t really think you have a lack of respect for yourself anyway), other people won’t do you the favour of respecting you. So many people of varying ages have a phase they might go through where they confuse promiscuity with having a good time. It’s so boring to say, but your parents are right, usually, in a roundabout way
Who is telling you that you want to sleep with that person, like right now, can’t wait any longer? Why? You are not a prude if you slow down, but the person that needs convincing of that is actually you. Get to know yourself (you can apply that physically too, nothing wrong with that!) and you will be so much happier with yourself. Everything else will follow x
April 15th, 2008 at 7:22 am
If you happen to not get this remedied and are still addicted to sex, I travel to Nashville a lot because my parents live there. We could hang if you like.
April 16th, 2008 at 7:44 am
Hi Tina,
What I would say to you is there is a hole inside you and all the sex in the world is not going to fill up that hole. What you need to do is start on a journey of self-exploration and learn how to love and respect yourself. You are currently stuck and looped on some lower-level activities and you need to bring your vibration up to a higher, more pure and spiritual level. First try surrounding yourself with purple and blue colors.
You see, sex is a very low vibration and is almost all physical. Your need lies on a deeper and more evolved level than that. You need to start activating other higher level centers of your self. Try bringing up your focus to your heart center and put energy there instead on below your navel. It is a start. Remember, whatever you put your energy on is what your future will be. You are thinking of yourself as a one-dimensional being and there are so many more levels you are not yet aware of.
April 17th, 2008 at 5:02 am
I need write about this.
I have the same problem, some months behind.
I can control, now, because i have help for religion, from D.A.S.A. book and 12 stes plan.
I can’t remember when this have start, but now i need make me under total control, because a little distracion that i have, i can make a destruction in my life and my wife’s life.
I know that i need so much control to came to this point of my sexual life.
If somebody want contact me, please send me an email to therealbes@bol.com.br
April 19th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
You’re here. You wrote here, to God. One step forward.
Baby steps, you’ll get through it.
Infinite x’s & o’s…
July 11th, 2008 at 5:12 am
Protect yourself. Love yourself.
July 26th, 2008 at 4:02 am
I read most of the thing people were telling you, I’m not going to sugar coat it, You have a big problem, and yes there is hope it is GOD
yep the one and only one that gave you a spirit that has life it it. Your soul has a problem its identity is not how god made you you have made choices that have changed your identity, and people a long the way have helped you do it. You can go to a step program, and flee
from thing all you life or ask the one that made you, Trust him, he will guide you to were you are to be and don,t worry about the past know, do what ever it take not to hurt your self or others, Sex addition in women is on the rise with the rise of the internet, but it takes two to tango you have to turn all those over to god that you have had sex with and look at there sickness thought his eye you where blind but now you see, you are here because he is real but it is a choice he only goes where he is invited, trust me when I say I have seen God do thing that you can not explain ask and it shall be given, You know his voice its the one that has guide all of use thought things, you know the one and say the lords prayer every morning I have know people that all that they have done and it work for years, here is the un sugar part , you are killing you self, like all addicts, it is a spiritual sickness, why would you go to man. But know use everything at your means to change how you see your self , you are no longer that same person and ask god to change your heart. god blessing on you and keep you in his grace thought you walk
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:47 am
I think that we do that to have orgasm because it’s similar to God’s touch.
Intense, I mean you what it is. But we have to hold on to Him and ask Him to give us what we need.
He knows what we need more than anyone else, even more than we do.
Ask for His touch, read your Bible, seek His touch and you’ll reach it.
I’m telling you, it’s way better than an orgasm…
December 21st, 2008 at 2:43 pm
What most people don’t understand about becoming a christian is, the only thing that changes is on the inside! Once a preson has asked Jesus to forgive them of all their past and believes it with all of their heart, on the inside, the real you, has been changed!
You are a Spirit , who lives in a body,and has a soul. Your soul is made up of your will and your emotion. Your body has the distinct nature, made up from the five physical senses , sight, sound, taste, touch and smell. Your spirit is, what through your soul and senses makes an interpretation of what is going on around you and you make your decisions after your mind processes it all , then you act.
What most people don’t realize is, it’s the heart that has changed, not the flesh ! Because the flesh has not been re-created yet, it is still wanting to have it’s way. This brings up why ” Fasting ” is mentioned in the bible. Fasting is not an instrument to somehow get God to change his mind, as he is the same yesterday,today, and forever.This is what makes Jesus stable about what he has done for us! Fasting is a tool that God gave us that is to help our innerman begin to subdue the appetites / cravings the flesh has, to dicipline the flesh,or help to bring it under control, it’s cravings, not to make us a more ” holy than thou ” person.
True Love comes from a deep commitment. God sent his son Jesus to lay down his life for everyone ( true love ) who will believe in him.
Sex Was created by God, for people to populate the earth in a Godly organized way. If Sex had been a painfull act, what do you think the chances of you being born, would have been? the term ” making Love ” is a passive man-made term. God created Adam, then he fashioned Eve with his hands. when a man and a woman come together and perform sex, in its correct manner another person is created, when it is perverted it causes diseases,” Imagine that” ADAM & EVE - NOT ADAM & STEVE ! !
As with most people they come to God as a conveinience, not really spending time going to a church, that correctly teaches that he is real, and that he wants you to spend time with him,daily! The bible teaches us from Hebrews 11:6 ” That without Faith ( in him ) it is impossible to please him ” It is not by working for ,or trying to acheive the height of some man-made rule. But simply putting your trust in what Jesus did for all of us who will believe, and resting in that . Then to begin to read the promises God gave us in the bible and lay hold of those promises for our everyday lives.
God has created someone special for you,so that you can have a fullfilling life. Father, I ask in behalf of Tina, that you send laborers to her to help guide and to give positive answers to these questions and for the ones she has yet to ask you about. Open the eye of her understanding that she may know and clearly see the good that you have in store for her. Give her the desires of her heart that are proper and fitting according to your word. In Jesus name I ask this , that you may be glorified in her Amen ( so be it )
January 13th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
please get help. and please stop sleeping with married men who probably have the same or a similar problem. i’m in s-anon trying to find recovery for myself because my husband is addicted to sex. his addiction and actions affect the people around you so much more than you can possibly imagine. i understand you are hurting and i’m sure i can’t even imagine your pain. keep talking to god, find him…he will help you!!!! but please please please stop with the men that belong to someone else.
February 25th, 2009 at 3:16 am
Try masturbating instead of going for the real thing and getting in all kinds of trouble.
June 7th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Stop making excuses for yourself and finding reasons for what made you become what you are today. Truly reach down into your soul and ask yourself this question “Do I like who I am after I sleep with this guy???”
August 6th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
i admit this is one of the hardest thing that man should overcome.. we boys do have stage when we are hunger for lust..but for me i think this is just a part of a growing up, stages of a puberty… i do believe that we do surpass this thing live it purely, because God wants us to be respected by others..just Pray and put it into a serouis mode is the thing i am doing right now would mold me into a better person? or do God wants me to be this way? God bless us all….
September 3rd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
hi tina
best is that u shud not give time to urself .
make ur self a very busy person
September 11th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Hi All, That’s true our parents are sometimes right, but we tend to expose towards sex, more when someone stop us ….I recently break off with a dam good looking man , who was like my husband ….I used to have sex randomly before i met him .. .but when i met him…i decided not to have sex with anyone ….and we got committed…I could not believe on my luck…but we never know what’s going to be next….. Since i had unprotected sex with someone(who said he is safe ) before meeting him ….I proved to be HIV Positive after 6 months ..i told my bf with whom I was committed….he cried for hours with me over phone….after 3 months…i came to know he is safe …m VERY HAPPY for it….i have strong trust on god and even when I was infected I used to pray for my BF safety…….during night i used to wake up and pray to god for my him and still I pray becz he is my husband….now i believe its all gods wish.. I m at a certain stage where if don’t feel fear of any thing….i feel my god has started walking with me..becz my boyfriend has left me…thanks to god for making me HIV + …. I feel so energetic..…. i never wanted to marry a girl and this was the only way….living a life like “lilly” not a oak tree…short but beautiful……my only request is..its difficult to control sex…..but plz HAVE SAFE SEX ALWAYS….my life changed upside down becz of it.. …..
karan9delhi@hotmail.com
Thanks for reading
November 10th, 2009 at 11:18 am
People like Jonson are a disgrace to the once great America.
First, stereotype against men as horny guy. Why can’t a women be just as horny? Jumping to conclusions, arrogant attitudes are all TV programming that has brain-washed a large majority of the American population. I happen to be American myself and lives here so I know what I’m talkinga bout. In fact,
SECOND, as another has mentioned, just because a name or a word seems unfamiliar, it’s automatically fake or “conspiracy theory”. These type of responses are signs of American masses being brain-washed. Television is meant as a tool to control, a new religion of the 21st century and it shows just how effective it has been.
JT
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Jonson Says:
April 14th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
I’ll bet anyone interested in wagering that the “reporter” claiming to be from the Columbia News Service is actually just some horny guy who is looking to meet a sex addict. Come on, “Snejana Farberov”? If that isn’t a made up name, then I don’t know what is.