Dear God,
I don’t know where to start. This is so hard for me to say that I have never told another living soul. First, let me say that I’m a married man and that I have a wife and three children I love very much. Sometimes when I think how much I love them I wonder how it is that I do what I do. I’ve lied to myself so long about this there seems no point in lying to you, so I’ll just say it – I go to public toilets and have sex with men. It started seven years ago after my promotion. Since then I have gone almost every day and sometimes twice a day to a toilet near the base but sometimes I go to local park. I’ve tried to stop through willpower but I can’t. I have to admit that the excitement of it is too much to resist. I find everything about the experience a total turn on, from the anonymity to the danger and even the smell. I need to say that I’m straight. I am, I know that and I could never have a relationship with a man. I also know that I’m risking everything. I could be arrested or blackmailed and I worry all the time about AIDS. Why do I do this? Do I hate myself? I can’t see a psychologist. I can’t talk about this with anyone. Please, dear God, show me a way out of this.
Jim, San Diego
